When it's too much

I'm writing this outside my house where the only noise you could hear is silence. The stillness of the night makes my heart reflect on the thoughts that I always have. If you're wondering why I'm writing something like this--- something that is random, or in your POV doesn't make sense, well, maybe this is not for you so I'll give you the chance to leave right now. For those who are staying, I'm writing this because I would like to reflect, to hear my inner monologue come to life, where I can read it, reread it, and understand it's essence. Well it is true that it does not make sense, this is my outlet where I'm hopeful to find my solace and peace. Because when you get older, you'll realize that peace is the most costly price you'll ever pay. For now, I've been feeling overwhelmed because I can't seem to realize my wants, my desire; and destiny seems disapprove of it. I view my behaviour today like a tantrum. I have always known that we can't always get what we want, we can't always control what we want and we can't always accomplish what we desire but it doesn't change the fact that I want to cry, to throw things and do unreasonable things. Is it bad of me? I reflect. I think no. Because I didn't do anything like it. I held my reins, my inner control and do what I'm comfortable to do. Cut people off.