Chapter 44: Meeting
The past few days had turned Qifeng into a walking anxiety attack with legs.
Sleep? What was sleep? He'd been staring at the ceiling like it held the secrets of the universe, while his appetite had mysteriously vanished and even his precious cigarettes tasted like disappointment. Hell, even his daily dose of corpse-fondling—usually the highlight of his day—felt about as exciting as watching paint dry on a rainy Tuesday.
The war had finally kicked off, and instead of feeling relieved that the waiting was over, his nervous system had apparently decided to throw a full-scale rebellion.
He ground out his cigarette with the dejected air of a man who'd just realized his retirement fund was imaginary.
"The war hasn't really started yet, right?" he muttered to himself, squinting at the sun like it might offer some cosmic reassurance. "I mean, I'm just a corpse collector. Surely they don't need me on the actual battlefield just yet?"
The sunlight felt about as warm as a refrigerator, which was weird because—
"Wait, is the morgue AC cranked up to 'arctic wasteland' today, or am I just—"
His body went rigid as a statue. Slowly, like a character in a horror movie who really should know better, he turned his head toward the tree shadows.
A figure emerged with the casual grace of someone who could end your bloodline with a paperclip. Standard Konoha vest, long flowing hair, slender build—from behind, you might mistake them for some kind of deadly supermodel.
Unfortunately, Qifeng knew better.
"Lord Orochimaru," he called out, his voice carrying all the enthusiasm of someone who'd just been handed a tax audit notice.
Of all the morgues in all the villages, you had to walk into mine.
"Ah, Qifeng-kun," Orochimaru purred, his tongue flicking out to taste the air in that deeply unsettling way of his. "You've been conscripted. Advance team. How exciting for you."
Qifeng's face crumpled like a failed origami project. "Me? But I'm just a chunin! A 'useless' chunin! I collect dead people for a living!"
"Mmm, yes. There aren't many corpse collectors in Konoha." Orochimaru's smile could have curdled milk. "Konoha's main gate. Thirty minutes. Don't be late."
With that cheerful threat, he dissolved into smoke, leaving Qifeng staring at empty air.
Shadow clone. Of course it was a f*cking shadow clone.
Qifeng wiped sweat from his forehead, finally understanding why his anxiety had been doing interpretive dance in his stomach. Of course he was going to the battlefield—he was literally the only guy in the village willing to spend quality time with corpses. Most of the other "body disposal specialists" were part-time medical ninja who probably had better things to do.
He'd almost forgotten that Orochimaru had developed some kind of weird fixation on him. Why one of the legendary Sannin—student of the Hokage, future candidate for world's most terrifying human being—had decided to make Qifeng his pet project remained a mystery worthy of philosophical debate.
"This makes absolutely no goddamn sense," he grumbled, but his feet were already carrying him toward the door.
Desertion during wartime was the kind of career move that ended with you becoming intimately acquainted with Konoha's execution methods. Not exactly an appealing retirement plan.
---
The advance force departure went about as smoothly as you'd expect from a group of highly trained killers heading off to participate in organized murder.
The advance troops were Konoha's cream of the crop—elite jonin and senior chunin who could also probably level small countries before breakfast. They'd be the first to engage the enemy, which meant they got the dual honor of being both the most dangerous and the most likely to die horribly.
Lucky me.
---
**Fire Country Border - Karushi Checkpoint**
The checkpoint looked like someone had decided to redecorate using explosives and bad intentions. Smoking ruins, scattered bodies, and the lingering smell of violence painted a picture that screamed "tourism industry nightmare."
Bodies littered the area—Konoha ninja mixed with Iwagakure ninja in the sort of grim democracy that only death provided. Some fires were still burning, sending smoke signals that probably translated to "abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
Orochimaru surveyed the carnage with the detached interest of a wine connoisseur examining a particularly disappointing vintage.
"Set up camp here," he ordered, gesturing to several jonin who appeared at his elbow like well-trained attack dogs. "And collect all these bodies."
His golden eyes found Qifeng in the crowd. "Give him a separate tent. Send everything to him."
The jonin glanced at Qifeng with expressions ranging from mild confusion to "who the hell is this guy and why does he matter?" But they nodded and got to work because questioning one of the Sannin's orders was a fast track to becoming a cautionary tale.
The advance team had been traveling for over a day in a state of high alert, which was exhausting even for professional killers. Pushing further into enemy territory while everyone was running on fumes and paranoia seemed like a great way to turn "tactical advance" into "spectacular clusterfuck."
Most of these ninja were veterans of the Second Ninja War, so camp setup went with military precision. Tents sprouted like mushrooms after rain, perimeters were established, and someone probably started making coffee that could wake the dead.
---
**Command Tent**
The tent was packed with Konoha's elite: Uchiha clan leaders, Hyuga branch heads, the strategic minds of the Nara clan, and other assorted bigshots who could probably buy and sell Qifeng's soul for pocket change.
And then there was Qifeng, sitting in the corner like the world's most confused party crasher.
When the ANBU ninja had dragged him away from corpse duty to attend this meeting, Qifeng had experienced the special kind of panic usually reserved for people who'd accidentally wandered into the wrong wedding ceremony. These were heavy hitters discussing matters of life, death, and geopolitical chess moves that would determine the fate of nations.
He was a guy who made dead people look presentable for their final curtain call.
According to Orochimaru, the "corpse collection team" counted as an independent unit requiring representation at strategic meetings. The fact that said team consisted entirely of Qifeng was apparently irrelevant.
Qifeng tried his best to become invisible, which was challenging when you were the only chunin in a room full of people who could probably kill small armies with their bare hands.
A map of the border region dominated the center of the tent, marked with positions, routes, and probably several varieties of creative death.
"Where should we move next?" Orochimaru asked, his snake-like eyes scanning the assembled elite.
Uchiha Shin pointed to a location beyond the Fire Country border. "Torimori Checkpoint. The Iwagakure advance team won't just hit and run—they'll want to establish a forward base to concentrate their forces."
Hyuga Hanjian offered a counterpoint: "Or they're still hiding somewhere inside Fire Country, waiting to strike again."
Both scenarios sucked in their own special ways.
Nara Chuuichi, displaying the diplomatic skills his clan was famous for, managed to acknowledge both possibilities without pissing off either the Uchiha or Hyuga. "We should secure our interior lines first, then address external threats."
Smart man. Staying neutral when the big clans started flexing was survival 101.
Then Orochimaru did something that made the entire tent go quiet.
He looked directly at Qifeng.
"Qifeng-kun, what do you think?"
What do I think? I think you've lost your goddamn mind, that's what I think.
Every eye in the tent swiveled toward him like he'd suddenly burst into flames. The weight of their collective attention felt like being crushed by a mountain made of judgment and confusion.
Why me? Why now? I collect dead people! I don't make strategic decisions that affect the fate of nations!
But he could see the gears turning behind their eyes. Why would one of the legendary Sannin ask a random chunin for tactical advice unless... unless he wasn't random at all?
Oh shit. They think I'm his secret disciple or something.
The realization hit him like a kunai to the brain. Orochimaru's mysterious interest, his inclusion in high-level meetings, the special treatment—from the outside, it looked exactly like a master grooming his chosen student.
Orochimaru was the Hokage's favored disciple, practically guaranteed to inherit the hat someday. If Qi Feng was his student, that made him future Hokage material by extension.
The political implications were staggering. The looks in the tent shifted from confusion to calculation, from dismissal to respectful attention.
Orochimaru noticed the change and smiled that predatory smile of his, saying nothing to correct their assumptions.
You magnificent bastard. You're using me as some kind of political chess piece, aren't you?
Under the weight of expectant stares, Qi Feng managed to croak out, "I don't know."
But in his head, he was running through possibilities. If he were commanding the Iwagakure advance team, when would be the perfect time to strike? When would Konoha be most vulnerable?
Right now, actually. When we're exhausted from traveling, distracted by setting up camp, not properly organized yet...
He remembered something about Earth Release techniques—wasn't there some kind of underground hiding jutsu? Perfect for ambushes, hard to detect, ideal for—
**BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**
The explosions outside cut through his thoughts like kunai through rice paper.
A ninja burst through the tent flaps, panic written across his face. "Lord Orochimaru! Iwagakure attack! They're coming up from underground!"
The tent fell silent except for the sound of distant combat and someone's very quiet "oh shit."
Qi Feng completed his interrupted thought: ...the success rate would be much higher that way.
He stared at the tent wall, a horrible realization creeping over him.
That... that wasn't supposed to happen. I was just thinking tactically. I wasn't trying to predict anything. I'm not psychic. I don't have some kind of weird prophetic ability.
...Right?
***************
****************
Additional chapters on my Patr*n
35 Advanced chapters & 5 Bonus chapters of Corpse Picker of Konoha
20 Chapters of Naruto : Blazing Legend
patre*n*com/IchigoTL