The Eternal Spirit Forest had begun to hum differently lately. Not the usual chorus of birds or the mild grumble of a bear learning to drum, or Grandmaster Nut-Nib's dance chorus, but a deeper sound, like the ancient roots shifting to whisper secrets.
Xiulan did not care. He never did.
He was far too busy comparing a pink turnip and a jade-colored cucumber against the shade of his sleeves. Fashion was war, and vegetables were allies. Then, he wore a green patchwork hat. Very green hat. Greener than greens…
He had recently discovered that if he concentrated his spiritual qi just right while humming a squirrel's wedding chant and mixing some green-colored fog, he could grow radishes in fifteen seconds; they even danced, a squirrel dance with no tail. The forest called it cultivation. Xiulan called it "green aesthetic culinary projection." He even decided to throw in more green-colored songs to show his aesthetics to the full.
He had plots organized by color and emotional vibe. The mint-leaf sadness corner (it was a bit too minty, and that felt sad). The violet-glow euphoria ridge (Long-tailed lies down there while saying, "You are crazy for having so much of—blah blah"). And the "look-at-me-I'm-edible" lane. That one is his favorite. No good meal? Just take a raw bite; it gets you glowing.
The food not only grew fast, it also occasionally blinked. The bear cubs did not mind. The squirrels ran away. Long Tail decided to jump very high and hold a tree branch like a lifeline.
But far beyond his herb garden of magic and questionable sentience, a certain wandering cultivator had spotted him. From a rocky cliff above the Dark Forest, he beheld a green figure dancing with a sentient mushroom, hair streaked with sunflower gold and watermelon green (dyed by green turnips), a small fluffy tail peeking under his hem, and arms full of vines (not his; they just stuck to him).
"A man-child? "A literal little boy?!" the cultivator whispered, horrified.
CRASH!
He barely dodged the heavenly bolt. The boulder beside him exploded into heavenly confetti. The smell of divine punishment singed his eyebrows off.
A man-child?
Safe!
A boy?
Crash!
A not-boy?
Small Strikes!
A girl!
No strike.
He immediately corrected himself. "I meant…girl, Maiden. Divine feminine figure. Lady of Chlorophyll!"
The skies hummed quietly. No further punishment. The cloud even cat-walked out of the view…
The cultivator reported his findings back to his sect: the Jinlong Pavilion of Benevolence and Questionable Decisions. There, the elders held a grave meeting.
"A man-child—no, a divine maiden—is living amidst the most dangerous beasts known to the nine realms!" Their head elder gasped. "Raised by venomous vipers and shape-shifting wolves! This child must be rescued!"
"Think of the psychological damage!" "Such a small soul!" someone wept. "They have probably never even worn shoes! Never done makeup!" That was a female disciple, no doubt.
"We shall retrieve her!" Save her from this vile existence! We shall rescue the baby from the beasts!"
So, they sent a party.
Six esteemed cultivators descended into the depths of the forest, their spiritual pressure unsettling squirrels for miles. Their robes gleamed like moonlight on jade. Their eyes were full of righteous intention. They were prepared to fight monsters, purge corruption, and save an innocent girl from the abyss.
Instead, they found…
A monthly birthday party?
Sentient mushrooms twirled in frilly skirts. A dozen vipers danced the spiral waltz. A massive bear kept beat on a log drum. Wolves howled a harmony. And in the center of it all…
A glowing green child holding a ladle over a bubbling soup pot. In the pot: venomous mushrooms, viper venom, a blue fog, and a few poisonous petals for color.
Uncle Hei, in his wolf form, dropped a still-hissing viper in the stew. "For our daughter," he said fondly.
"I wanted the rainbow one." Xiulan pouted and touched his green hat.
"You did not." Uncle Hei said as he smiled
The cultivators gasped.
One of them whispered, "That's a boy, isn't it?"
K-KRAKABOOM!
He disappeared in a divine explosion.
The others scrambled. "Girl! Lady! Goddess of turnips!"
Peace was restored.
The sect leader stepped forward, robes fluttering.
"O radiant child of this cursed place, we have come… to rescue you. Come here and we shall—"
Xiulan blinked. "Rescue me from what?"
"From these dark beasts that have surely corrupted your human roots—"
"Uncle Hei braided my hair this morning and he helped me take care of my root." Xiulan said and pointed to his legs.
"—And from the venom they've poured into your life—"
"The soup tastes really good today, but you are right, the venom they've poured is not right; I wanted the rainbow one."
"—And from the solitude and danger of this wilderness—"
"I have seventeen foxes, two monkeys, many squirrels, and two mushroom brothers."
The cultivators faltered. The wolves growled. The mushrooms hissed. Somewhere, a squirrel threw a nut at a sword. One tried to throw two, but stumbled. Into the Sword. The sword rusted.
The sect head tried again. This time, with more diplomacy.
"Ahem. With all due respect… a man-child dwelling here is—ahem—against the order of nature. This forest, as revered across the realms, is… for the beasts. Not for a human child."
Another elder said, "Respectful Sir—great guardian—shadow-fanged ancestor of the white wind—we humbly plead that you consider… forsaking the child."
Uncle Hei growled, "Did you just ask us to abandon our child?!"
"N-no! No, no, of course not! We mean… ahem. Transition him! Into more… human spheres of existence!"
He pulls a scroll from his sleeve, hands trembling. "We… respectfully invite the child to our sect. Once he is of age, of course. For proper cultivation. Among humans."
Xiulan tilted his head.
"I already talk to squirrels and grow carrots that let me taste colors. What else could I need?"
One junior disciple sobbed. "She's too far gone—too beautiful—too… vegetable-forward."
"Just… consider it," the elder begged. "Please?"
"I won't."
The elder moved forward, one step at a time, and said, "Perhaps… once a week, he could visit a human village? Learn things like… shoes? The writing of human script? And try human food?" Not venom soup or color-tasting vegetables.
Uncle Hei looked at him calmly before taking them all to the burned hut to have soup. He took a bowl with him.
That night, Xiulan documented everything in his leaf-stitched diary:
"Today some humans came. They tried to take me away like I was a lost chick, even though I am very much a forest peacock.
Uncle Hei nearly ate one of them. But he took them out for soup drinking. I do not know why, but they seemed happy as they were trembling with joy; one of them even told me they will come teach me tomorrow.
Also, I learned that if I eat five spirit cucumbers and spin, my hair turns green.
Baby Po made me a new scarf out of viper skins and moss. I liked it but it has a bit of red that I do not. I would like it if it were greener.
I am calling it "swamp-chic with red mossy paste."
He signed it with a new flourish:
Xiulan, Daughter of Thunder, Lady of the Leaves, Aesthetically Immortalized by Broccoli (titles given by Baby Po and Elder Redcheeks after the humans left).