Morning in the Rustcloud Sect.
Birds sang. Flowers bloomed. One elder exploded while trying to merge a flying sword with a soup ladle.
I sipped tea made from something suspiciously glowing. Across the room, Yura was sharpening her claws against a rock with a bored expression.
> "Don't you have anything stronger than rice soup and cabbage?" she asked.
"I have spirit chicken bones I boiled for 20 hours. It might still be illegal."
She sniffed it. Her tail twitched.
> "That's not chicken. That's probably a spirit rat."
"I'm a demon, not a garbage disposal."
> [System Update: New Passive Unlocked — "Trash Chef of the East"]
Reputation increased in the 'Fools Who Think They Can Cook' category.
Suddenly—BOOM!
My shack door shattered (again). This was, like, the third time this week.
A group of masked men stormed in, wearing robes with moon insignias.
> "By order of Moonlight Edge Pavilion, we've come to eliminate the disgrace who humiliated our Senior Han Fei in public combat!"
The leader pointed at me with a glowing sword.
> "YOU! Come out and die honorably!"
I blinked. "Counter-offer: how about you trip on a rock and break your spine?"
---
> [SYSTEM ALERT: Danger Level 9 detected. Incoming enemies: 4 Peak Qi Refinement, 1 Early Foundation]
Suggested action: Run. Or distract them with your buttcheeks. Up to you.
I looked at Yura.
Still in my oversized robe, lazily licking her paw like a cat with no patience.
> "Fluffy, bite."
She looked up, deadpan.
> "I'm not your dog."
"You're my companion beast, remember?"
> "You're really clinging to this fantasy, huh?"
> [New Quest: "Unleash the Pet"]
Reward: "Mystery Stealth Technique" (Definitely Not Useless™)
---
The assassins lunged.
> "DIE!"
Yura sighed.
And then—
She vanished.
One heartbeat later, the assassin closest to me screamed as his arm went flying into the cabbage pot.
Another got slammed through the wall—his limbs twitching as sparks danced on his face.
The third tried to flee but tripped over my spirit chicken bone and got tail-whipped into the sky.
The last one, the Foundation Realm guy, raised a barrier.
Yura reappeared behind him, eyes glowing red.
> "You dared to barge in while I was eating garbage soup. Unforgivable."
She blew on his neck.
He passed out from spiritual pressure and embarrassment.
---
Five minutes later
All five assassins were tied up in cabbage vines.
I stood over them like a proud idiot.
Yura crossed her arms, tails waving smugly behind her.
> "Next time, send someone at least Core Realm."
"You said you weren't going to fight?"
> "I said I wasn't your pet. I never said I'd let weaklings insult me while I'm living rent-free in your shack."
> [New Achievement Unlocked: "Pet Abused the Guests"]
Reward: "Mystery Stealth Technique" obtained.
I opened it.
It was a scroll titled:
> Invisibility Technique: Moustache Edition
Put on fake moustache → Enemies can't recognize you. Unless they have eyes.
"…You're trolling me again."
> [System does not confirm or deny trolling behavior.]
---
That night, I dragged the unconscious assassins outside and used their robes as toilet paper. Yura was already asleep again, curled up in my bed like she owned the place.
I stared at the ceiling.
"System… why does everything feel like a cheap gag?"
> [Because your author has a broken sense of humor.]
Also because your real rewards were sold again to a rival system for 4,500 Qi Tokens.]
"…Are you serious?"
> [No. But yes.]
I sighed.
Somewhere, a corrupted auctioneer was laughing.
And I… was falling asleep beside a demon princess I still insisted was a fox pet.
---