Chapter 12
Friday morning in Waterford broke with the kind of chaos only a town that had survived a condiment cartel, a squirrel-led bureaucracy, and a missing BJ's crisis could produce. The cows were holding a seminar on "How to Moo with Confidence," the mayor was trying to patent a new dance called "The Squirrel Shuffle," and the BK Lounge's "BJ's: Finally Found!" banner was now proudly displayed alongside a new sign: "Common Sense Required Beyond This Point."
Colonel Mustard and Lieutenant Pickle sat in their usual booth, sipping coffee that tasted suspiciously like optimism. Pickle was flipping through his well-worn notebook, filled with clues, jokes, and the occasional doodle of a dancing squirrel.
"Sir," Pickle said, adjusting his monocle, "after all we've been through, I think I've figured out the real secret to surviving Waterford."
Mustard raised an eyebrow. "Do tell, Lieutenant."
"Common sense," Pickle declared. "It's like a superpower. It cuts through nonsense, exposes the absurd, and keeps you grounded when everything else is spinning out of control."
Mustard nodded thoughtfully. "Common sense is indeed a superpower. But like all powers, it must be used wisely. You can't just throw it around willy-nilly, or you'll end up with sock-mittens and misplaced BJ's."
Just then, Pelosi with the Clues appeared, carrying a giant magnifying glass and a cape made of crossword puzzles. "Common sense is the cape that lets you fly over confusion," she said. "But beware—overconfidence can lead to flying into unexpected walls."
Pickle chuckled. "So, what you're saying is, don't be a superhero without a helmet?"
Mustard smiled. "Exactly. And always carry a spare pickle."
The mayor entered, attempting the Squirrel Shuffle but tripping over her own feet. "Citizens of Waterford! Today we celebrate the power of common sense! No more ridiculous rules, no more endless forms—just good old-fashioned thinking."
The crowd cheered, though the mayor's squirrel looked skeptical, eyeing a nearby jar of mustard as if plotting its next move.
Mustard stood, raising his coffee cup. "Remember, Waterford: Common sense isn't just about knowing what's right. It's about having the courage to do what's right—even when it's hard, unpopular, or involves negotiating with condiment cartels."
Pickle grinned. "And sometimes, it means singing a silly song or two."
The BK Lounge erupted into laughter and applause, with Pickle leading a final parody anthem celebrating Waterford's quirks and the superpower they all shared.
Parody Song:
"Common Sense Hero"
(To the tune of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor)
Rising up, back in Waterford,
Took my time, took my chances.
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet,
Just a town and its will to survive.
So many times, it happens so fast,
You trade your common sense for a laugh.
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past,
You must fight just to keep them alive!
It's the eye of the hero, it's the thrill of the fight,
Rising up to the challenge of our rival.
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night,
And he's watching us all with common sense power!
Face to face, town of Waterford,
Hanging tough, staying strong.
They stack the odds, but we stand tall,
Using sense to right the wrong!
So many times, it happens so fast,
You trade your common sense for a laugh.
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past,
You must fight just to keep them alive!
It's the eye of the hero, it's the thrill of the fight,
Rising up to the challenge of our rival.
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night,
And he's watching us all with common sense power!
As the last chord rang out, the BK Lounge erupted into cheers, whistles, and the mayor's squirrel attempted an enthusiastic, if somewhat clumsy, dance move.
Mustard smiled, raising his cup. "Remember, Waterford: Common sense is our greatest weapon. It's what keeps us sane when the world gets weird. It's what helps us stand up to nonsense, and what lets us laugh in the face of absurdity."
Pickle nodded. "And it's the one superpower that doesn't require a cape—though a good hat never hurts."
The mayor, recovering from her stumble, raised her own cup. "To common sense, courage, and the quirks that make Waterford… well, Waterford."
The crowd toasted, laughter and music filling the air as the sun set over the town that never quite made sense—but always made life interesting.
Because in Waterford, common sense isn't just a tool—it's a superpower. Use it wisely, and maybe, just maybe, you'll survive the madness with your dignity (and your mustard) intact.
Colonel Mustard's Clue:
Common sense is the cape that lets you soar over nonsense—but don't forget your helmet. And always carry a spare pickle.