Lost in the heat of the screen, my fingers gripping the edge of my laptop, and a familiar tension coiled in my stomach.
My eyes traced the movements, sounds, and images.
Something felt… wrong about watching such things.
For a few moments, I was alone with the pulse of something ready to explode.
A sharp knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts.
The sound was so sudden I felt a chill run down my spine.
I quickly closed my laptop, my heart pounding in panic as I threw the cover over it.
My breaths were loud in my ears, and I pushed my hair behind my ears as I hurried to sit up straight trying to pretend nothing had happened.
I didn't know how to act normal after… well, after that.
I looked at myself in the mirror across the room.
My reflection still looked strange. I was 27 years old, thin, with pale skin that I always thought was too soft, too delicate and unattractive.
My brown eyes looked too ordinary, my lips too thin and my dark hair always looked dull.
I had never felt beautiful, and I had never felt worthwhile.
But that was exactly why I was here, doing what I did hidden behind my laptop.
I was Roma's younger sister, who had been married for two years.
I should have been happy for her.
But every time I saw her with her husband, the affection they shared, and his gaze on her, I couldn't help but feel a slight pang of jealousy.
Why was it so easy for her?
Why couldn't I?
I began to think I'd never find anyone, and no one had ever cared for me as much as I'd cared for him.
The knocking on the door came again, more insistent this time.
I heard my mother's voice from the other side:
"Aurora, come downstairs, Your father wants you right away."
I wiped my hand on my pants and felt a throb of anxiety in my chest.
I was already a little nervous, and no matter what my father wanted, it wouldn't be good.
I went downstairs, the familiar creaking of the stairs beneath my feet grounding me.
The smell of coffee came first: rich and warm, mixed with a fresh aroma.
As I rounded the corner of the living room, I found my father sitting at the large oak table, sipping his coffee with his usual calm.
He wasn't just any man.
My father was the chancellor of Italy's most prestigious university.
An institution only the elite could dream of entering.
It was a name synonymous with power, prestige, and a future brimming with opportunity.
The doors of the world were open to anyone who held a degree from it.
His position made us feel comfortable, more than comfortable, really.
Our lives had always been luxurious, from the elegant marble floors of our home to the luxury cars in the driveway.
We never worried about money.
But all this success didn't come without its weight.
I felt it every day: the pressure to be something more, to live up to the legacy he had built.
To be as perfect as Roma, who had already lived a life I couldn't even dream of.
To our family, Marriage is the top.
My father looked at me over the rim of his coffee cup, his eyes intense.
I froze for a moment, feeling the coldness of his gaze.
Then his voice broke the silence.
"Why are you standing there like a statue? Sit down."
I didn't argue, pulling up the chair opposite him and sitting down.
My father sighed deeply, his voice filling the space between us.
His gaze didn't leave mine, and for a moment, I felt his disappointment pressing down on me.
I shifted nervously in my seat, but I didn't dare look away.
He shook his head slowly, a tired but firm look in his eyes.
He began in a heavy voice
"You know, I've been patient with you, Aurora, and I've overlooked some things, but this time you've crossed the line."
I felt a pang of embarrassment run down my spine.
I knew exactly what he was talking about.
It had only been a few days.
A moment of deep frustration came when I told my fiancé Alexander, that I didn't want the engagement party to happen so quickly.
I asked him to postpone it, citing the pressure I felt and the anxiety on me, but all I did was anger him.
I'd never seen Alexander lose his temper before, but that day... the look on his face and the way he cut me off mid sentence was enough to make my heart clinch.
I felt invisible to him and as if my worries didn't matter.
But that wasn't all.
My father found out about the confrontation, and instead of understanding it, he viewed it as nothing more than a sign of misbehaving.
"You can't anger him," my father continued, his voice cracking. "He's your fiancé, Aurora, and your future. Do you think it's okay to act like this?"
I bit my lip, resisting the urge to defend myself.
But before I could speak, he raised his hand to silence me.
"However..." He paused, his expression softening slightly. "I've decided to lift the punishment this time, but don't think for a moment that I won't punish you again."
I exhaled, not realizing I'd been holding my breath and whispered "Thank you, father."
I don't know if I was grateful or relieved.
But deep down, I knew the punishment was just a warning.
And what about the pressure? It would only increase.
It was ridiculous.
I mean, seriously!
A woman my age being punished just because I asked my fiancé to postpone our engagement party?
Was I that disappointing?
Was it really a crime to want some time before my entire life shut down?
But then again, why did I ask him to postpone it in the first place?
It seemed like the stupidest thing in the world now that I thought about it.
I was still figuring out how to please him.
I'm still learning what he likes and needs, even trying to figure out what he wants from me in this relationship.
Yet, I felt more and more drawn to him.
The attraction grew slowly and quietly, like a spark that eventually ignited.
Alexander wasn't just any ordinary guy.
He was the man everyone expected me to be with, the life I was supposed to live.
So why did I want to mess it up?
Why did I ask him to postpone the party?
Was it because I was scared deep down?
Afraid of getting caught up in something I wasn't sure about?
Afraid of the commitment I was forcing myself into, as if I were just a pawn in a game to preserve the family image?
Maybe this was why my father was angry.
Maybe he saw it as my last chance, my last chance to get married, to maintain my standing in society and to avoid becoming the laughingstock of our family.
And maybe in his eyes, I was already screwing things up.
I was always the one being watched from the outside after roma got married to Xavier.
Yes, I was a graduate of a prestigious university specializing in international law.
I did my job well as a lawyer and had a promising career, but none of that mattered.
It was expected of me, and what mattered was my marriage.
That's what everyone would judge me on.
And what would people say if I weren't married now?
What would they think when they looked at my family?
Rumors were circulating that I was "the odd one out."
The adopted daughter, who wasn't really part of the family.
Maybe I was a kind of hidden shame.
Maybe they even thought I was some kind of... whore, a woman who used her body to get what she wanted out of men.
I knew it was stupid.
These rumors, these lies about me.
I hadn't done any of the things they accused me of, but it didn't matter.
People loved a good story, and I was the perfect target for their imagination.
As much as my parents loved me, they were tired of seeing me holed up and tired of my isolation.
I rarely went out, only leaving the house for work or when my married or engaged/married friends found time to spend with me.
It wasn't part of the life I was meant to live, and I wasn't willing to share it, nor did I seek to choose it.
And so, they pushed me to marry Alexander.
They pushed me to accept what they offered me.
What else was left for me?
What other chance would i have?
Maybe they were right, maybe I was stupid.
My father took a sip of his coffee, then carefully placed the lid on his cup before turning over the morning newspaper.
He looked at me and said
"Alexander will be on here tonight. His parents will be with him, and they'll want to talk about the details of the engagement party, and you'll be there. You won't embarrass me, understand?"
I let out a long, heavy sigh and tension settled in my shoulders.
Dinner... What's on dinner?
Alexander and His parents.
What should i wear tonight?
The sigh must have been louder than I thought, as it had taken on a face and disappeared.
"Aurora!"
His voice rang out, sharp and commanding.
I jumped straightening in, my heart pounding.
His firm voice had always pierced me, and he never seemed to fail making me jump.
"Yes, Father," I said quickly, my voice firm "I won't embarrass you."
My father held my gaze for a moment, then the result of that harsh appearance Disappeared, his expression softening.
It seemed to me a mixture of affection and something else, perhaps concern, but it was hard to tell.
"You are my dear daughter, Aurora," he said calmly "Just as I value Roma, I value you too, and I want what I see as best for you... Alexander... despite the rumors, he's from a respectable family just like us and he will makes a good life partner. With him, you'll live a comfortable life. I have guaranteed that too."
His words hung in the air, bit by bit.
I bought the implicit message beneath:
This is what's best for you,take it or i will make you take it.
But inside, I couldn't help but wonder if he was right.
He then got up and tied his coat with the careful attention that always amazed me.
He looked at his watch, and his conniving expression returned to me.
He said in a steady, almost cold voice:
"I'm going to work, and when I return for dinner, I expect you to get rid of this childish behaviours. You're a grown woman, Aurora. Act like it."
The words were like a slap in the face, and before I could say anything, he turned and stormed out of the room, his footsteps echoing throughout the house.
The door closed behind him, leaving me alone.
I let out a long, frustrated sigh and rested my forehead on the cold tabletop.
For a moment, silence fell over me, the pressure gradually easing as I let my body relax.
My eyes had barely closed when I felt a sharp prick in my ear.
"Ouch!"
I cried out, sitting upright to see my mother standing over me, her expression a mixture of annoyance and concerns.
"Don't ouch me, miss!" she snapped, her eyes narrowing.
"What was on your laptop?"
I swallowed hard, my heart pounding.
I spoke the lie easily, though my voice was strained.
"Nothing, Mom! I was investigating a rape case and was looking into the victim's story. The video was of the victim and the perpetrator!"
And what a stupid odd lie.
She raised an eyebrow, but I realized she didn't fully believe me, at all.
She pursed her lips but didn't press further, for now.
I nodded quickly, feigning innocence.
What else was there to do?
Whether she believed me or not didn't matter.
This was my private life.
What if I was watching cybersex videos, It wasn't a crime.
I wasn't doing anything illegal.
I wasn't doing these things to myself; I was simply... educating myself.