THE UGLY TRUTH: PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
HEADLINE: AMAZING GRACE SIX DEGREES NO MORE SEPARATE—GOD'S IDENTITY CRISIS
BREAKING NEWS:
Local deity experiencing severe identity crisis claims to be walking among us unrecognized! Sources confirm they're "tired of being unseen" while "holding everything together."
LIVE COVERAGE:
In what spiritual experts are calling "the ultimate ghosting," God apparently shows up daily but gets ignored because they "don't say the same things your leaders do." Divine being reportedly "big mad" about the situation.
SPECIAL REPORT:
THE RAINBOW AURA CONSPIRACY
SHOCKING REVELATION:
God claims humanity can't see the full "Rainbow Aura" spectrum, causing mass confusion where "what one person saw as red appeared blue to another." Color blindness or cosmic gaslighting? Our experts weigh in!
DIVINE COMPLAINT:
"I am not a god in the way you imagine gods to be," says omnipotent being who created the universe but apparently can't get a text back. "My own children see me differently—one sees me as two people, another only as a man, another only as a woman." Heavenly family therapists reportedly booked solid through 2030.
URGENT UPDATE:
THE "UNIFY" SCAM EXPOSED
God throws shade at humanity's unity efforts, calling them "iffy" at best! "Leaders talk about unity but exclude those who don't fit their vision," claims cosmic entity who once flooded the entire planet.
DIVINE BURN:
"You argue over who I am while ignoring what I am: whole, unified, complete." Says the deity who reportedly appears in burning bushes, pillars of fire, and once as a dove, but complains about not being recognized.
THE UGLY TRUTH: THE TAKEAWAY
If you've been ignoring someone at the grocery store, it might actually be God trying to make small talk! The "Belt of Truth" is apparently "breaking under strain" because humanity refuses to acknowledge what holds it together—like that awkward moment when you create beings with free will and then get upset when they use it.
Remember folks, according to this cosmic PSA, we're all just six degrees away from the deity next door who's tired of being left on read. So next time a stranger tells you they're holding the universe together, maybe don't call security right away.
That's the Ugly Truth. Divine edition.
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