Sleep? Impossible. My mind wouldn't shut off, spinning endlessly around one thing—Jinwoo. Why did my heart almost betray me? Why did I almost say yes?
The memory flashed again as I closed my eyes:
"Aera, will you be my girlfriend?" His voice was quiet but clear as I applied ointment to his wounds. My hand froze mid-air again. This wasn't how things were supposed to unfold. In the original timeline, it was me who had confessed—under the bright lights of the theme park, no less. We didn't start dating this soon. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
I couldn't deny that my heart still beat for him. Years of love and affection towards him couldn't vanish overnight.
Could I really trust him again?
No. There is no way. The way he is acting right now is not himself. He always thinks of his pride, not making any move unless others do. That also applies to his lovelife. He never took me out or proposed anything himself. It was always me who would bring everything and ask him out.
"Jinwoo, listen..." I began, trying to steady my voice. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Answer me first," he cut in sharply, his eyes searching mine.
I stood up. "Yes, I'm answering you. So listen carefully." I took a deep breath. "We've been friends for years, and I'm grateful for everything you've done for me. You made me feel at home when I felt like I had no one."
"But…" I continued, feeling my throat tighten. "But if we become a couple, it's going to ruin us. We'll destroy each other, Jinwoo. I know it for sure. I've had feelings for you before, but I can't force myself into this anymore."
"Why? What are you saying? I thought—" his voice cracked, absorbing what I just said.
"I won't date you, Jinwoo. Because—" His face contorted. "Don't," he pleaded, taking a step closer. "Please don't say anymore. I don't want to hear it."
"Jinwoo, you said I ignored you today, right?" I asked quietly. He met my gaze. "You were right. I was avoiding you. And even if I explain why, it won't matter. It won't change anything. So let's skip that part. But... we can't keep pretending this will work."
"How can you be so sure that we won't work? We have been together for a while. And I know you, you like me. What is wrong there?"
"Can't we just stay as friends like this?" I asked.
"What? That's impossible. Not after I confessed to you—" he said.
I sighed realizing he just couldn't accept the fact that I rejected him, there were no feelings behind it. "Alright. We cannot be anything then. From now we need to go our separate ways, Jinwoo. We have to. Just pretend that we never knew each other. Please," my voice broke.
"You are not making any sense, Aera!" His voice was cold and sharp.
"I know. Trust me, I know it well more than anyone else. And even if I explain it to you….." I sighed.
Tears were burning behind my eyes now, but I pushed them back, refusing to fall apart in front of him.
"Why are you suddenly so desperate to draw a line between us?"
"Because— you—" I stuttered.
What can I even say to him?
"Do you like someone else? Was I wrong this whole time thinking you like me?" He asked in a cold and harsh voice.
"What? What are you trying to say?" I hissed.
"You don't? Then what's stopping you?"
"Jinwoo, can you just go for now? I don't really have energy for this. I am tired." I ran a hand through my hair. I was exhausted. My body was giving in.
"Aera..." He stepped closer, his hands cupping my face, warm against my skin. His fingers trembled, and I smelled the faint scent of blood, from the wounds I had just bandaged. His forehead rested gently against mine as his voice dropped to a whisper, "Is that really what you want? Are you sure?"
I nodded, barely able to breathe. I couldn't trust my voice anymore. If I spoke, I'd fall apart. I pulled away, taking a step back, and he let me go.
"Alright," he said, his voice flat. "I'll give you some space, then. But just know, Aera, this isn't the way our story ends. I'm not finished with us yet. Get inside. I'll see you tomorrow at university."
"Please try not to talk to me at university." I said quietly.
"I don't know what's going on inside your head but I won't give up on you that easily. It's me who decides what we will be. Not you." He turned away.
I stood there, frozen, watching his shadow slip away into the night. It felt like the world had split open beneath me. I still cared about this guy—my first love. It hurt even though I knew it was all just an act from him, my heart still ached.
I pulled out the stun gun from the pocket and stared at it.
What is the point of it? What was I even thinking?
. . .
I should wear just my casual clothes! Being a goth really isn't my style.
I left for university early as soon as I woke up, barely paying attention to the skateboard beneath my feet as it glided over the pavement. My mind was loud—too loud. I needed to escape, to clear my head, but no matter how fast I skated, Jinwoo's words lingered.
As I flipped my skateboard up near the bus stop, I noticed someone standing at the stop. It was Park Bohyun. He was wearing a hoodie, his face half-hidden behind a mask, but I could still recognize him by his build. Tall, broad-shouldered, but strangely off today. He looked kind of different, like his broad shoulder looked slumped. My eyes shifted to his wrist.
Wait, were those... bandages?
What happened to him? Why was he in bandages?
The bus pulled up, and everyone rushed forward. I watched Bohyun wince as someone bumped into him, as if he was in pain.
"Are you not getting on?" I asked, approaching him.
He glanced at me, then back at the bus. "Choi Aera?" His voice was soft, as he didn't expect me to be there.
"Yeah," I said, stepping closer. "Let's hop on before it gets more crowded."
He followed me onto the bus, but it was packed—no room to breathe, let alone sit. We ended up standing near the stairs, squashed by the mass of passengers. I found myself pushed up against the door, dangerously close to falling out when the bus made its next stop.
Then, without a word, Bohyun wrapped his arm around the railing, shielding me from the pressure of the crowd. His body was practically against mine, but he held himself steady, not letting the chaos of the bus overwhelm him—or me.
His grip on the rail was firm, his broad shoulders tense as he absorbed the weight of the passengers around him. He was clearly in pain, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts.
My heart stuttered. His arm was like a barrier. His eyes—those intense, tired eyes—were bloodshot, rimmed with exhaustion.
As the bus jerked forward, his hair fell away from his forehead, revealing another hydrocolloid bandage across his forehead. "Bohyun..." I started, but stopped, unsure of what to say. What could I ask? "Are you okay?" I asked. He didn't answer right away, his jaw tightened as if trying to hold something back. His breathing was shallow, and I could see the tension in his body, like he was fighting something. "You're hurt," I whispered again, my eyes trailing the bandages. What had happened to him?
He looked down at me, eyes glazed with something I couldn't quite place. "It's nothing," he muttered, his voice strained.
The bus jerked again, and I stumbled forward, but Bohyun's arm tightened around the railing, keeping me steady. He shut his eyes and didn't say a word.
The bus finally screeched to a halt at the university, and we both stepped off, Bohyun still keeping close, making sure I didn't fall. His movements were careful, guarded, like every step hurt.
I glanced at him, a million questions bubbling up inside me, but all I managed to ask was, "Are you seriously okay?"
He didn't answer right away, just gave a faint nod. "I am fine."
But I wasn't sure if I believed him.
As I watched him walk away, limping a little, his frame still towering but somehow... smaller. Then suddenly I was surrounded by some students from different clubs.
"You are a freshman, right? Are you interested in the Robot Club? I have some exciting offers for freshmen?" A sunbae said, handing me a paper.
"You are even holding a skateboard. Do you play it? You should join the Sports Club." Another said.
I took all the paper, bowing to them. My eyes searched for Bohyun. He was gone.