Look, if you're expecting some noble, dramatic death—like saving a child from a burning building or fighting off a bear—you're gonna be disappointed.
I died because of a banana peel.
Yeah. That's it.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's talk about why I even got in that situation.
It started with my girlfriend, Lyka. Perfect smile. Sweet voice. The kind of girl who'd send you "I love you" messages at 2AM just because she missed your face. I was head over heels. Like completely gone. I treated her like a queen. Full loyalty package. No games.
And then suddenly… she got busy.
Too busy.
So yeah, that was the first real red flag. Since then, things just started to feel… wrong. Her sweet little messages? Colder. Her voice calls? Shorter. Her "good morning" texts? More like "good afternoon, sorry I fell asleep" (at 3 p.m.??). Something wasn't adding up.
So naturally, my dumb little heart said, "Maybe she's just stressed."
But my brain said, "Bro, she's cheating."
I wanted to believe the heart. I really did. But then came the flower shop incident. I texted her:
> "Hey, where are you?"
She said:
> "At the flower shop 💐"
Guess what?
I went to the flower shop.
She. Wasn't. There.
Not even a whiff of her shampoo.
That was strike one.
Fast forward to a rainy afternoon. I got off work early and thought, "Why not play detective?" So I followed her car while riding my barely-used Ducati. It's red, shiny, sexy—unlike what was about to happen to me.
She pulled into a quiet café.
I parked a few meters away, doing full spy mode—hood up, sunglasses on, pretending I was checking my phone but actually zooming in with the back cam like an FBI agent. I was far, but I could still tell: that guy? Yeah, not cute.I'm not even gonna lie—I'm way better looking than that guy. Tch. But who is he? A friend? A cousin? Someone from work? Why does he get to touch her like that? Why does he get to make her laugh like that? I still look better than him even freshly woken up with eye gunk. Tsch.
Lyka? She was laughing. Touching his arm. Looking like she was in a toothpaste commercial.
And me? I was losing brain cells by the second.
I texted her again.
> "Where are you, Lyka?"
I watched her glance at her phone, then put it back in her bag… without replying.
I swear to all things holy, my soul temporarily left my body.
Still, I held on to a tiny shred of hope. Maybe he's just her gay best friend! Maybe he's her brother!
…And then she kissed him.
Right there. On the lips. Like I didn't exist.
I stood frozen. Betrayal had never slapped me so hard. My heart was breaking in real time like a K-drama in 4K.
I literally felt my soul leave my body. My heart did a triple backflip. I couldn't breathe. Like, no air, Jordan Sparks style.
So I did what any logical, emotionally shattered man would do.
I stormed toward them.
Rain pouring. Motorcycle parked. Tears held back with the strength of a thousand warriors.
I was ready to confront them. Ready to scream. Ready to—
SQUISH.
I stepped on something.
It was a banana peel.
One goddamn banana peel.
The universe said, "You know what? Let's make this a full comedy."
I slipped like a cartoon character. Arms in the air. Legs in the splits. Rain adding extra dramatic effect. And then—
CRACK.
Head met pavement. Bonus: I hit a rock too, just to spice things up.
As I lay there, in the middle of the road, rain soaking my face, I thought:
"This is how I die?"
Heartbroken. Cheated on. And taken out by a piece of potassium trash?
Do I not deserve a little dignity?
People keep saying "you deserve better." WELL, THIS IS NOT BETTER.
This is betrayal AND brain damage.
Banana peel, I hope you rot in hell.