If you ever want to know what it's like to storm a floating fortress suspended over the capital of demonkind, let me save you the trouble.
It's like trying to climb a cursed chandelier while drunk, blindfolded, and chased by lava that occasionally files paperwork.
The path to the floating castle began at the base of a leyline tower shaped like a spiraling tusk.
Inside, we were greeted by a six-eyed statue made of teeth and disappointment.
It boomed: "TO PASS, YOU MUST SOLVE THE ANCIENT RIDDLE OF—"
I threw a rock at its face.
It paused.
Then said, "Correct. Access granted."
Lyra turned to me. "Please tell me you didn't know that was the answer."
"I absolutely didn't," I said. "But I hate riddle statues on principle."
The gate opened. The statue wept softly as we passed.
The second passage was a sky-bridge. Technically.
It floated between towers in fragmented pieces, with reality-warping tiles that shifted if you blinked too long.
One tile turned into a fish when I stepped on it. Another inverted gravity and launched Iria into a passing cloud, which she cut in half out of spite.
Velis tried calculating a safe path forward.
Then Silas closed his eyes, mumbled, "You're all thinking too hard," and just sprinted across the tiles barefoot.
He made it.
So did the rest of us. Mostly by copying him and screaming a lot.
Lyra healed my ankle. I still don't know where the second one went.
We arrived at what looked like a subway station, complete with benches, arcane ticket booths, and a glowing platform lined with hazard glyphs.
A horn echoed from the tunnel.
"Everyone move!" Velis screamed.
A spectral demon-train burst out of the tunnel at a million miles per hour. Its conductor was a skeleton wearing a monocle and screaming obscenities.
The train stopped perfectly at the platform.
"Next stop: Castle Terminal," it said in a surprisingly polite voice.
We climbed on.
I sat next to a ghost who offered me a cursed pretzel.
I declined.
It cried.
The demon train was fast. And bouncy. And on fire, for some reason.
Across the aisle, imps handed out pamphlets titled: "The Meow-Bearer Rises: Join the Sparkle Rebellion."
Lyra stared at the cover, which showed a heroic depiction of me wielding my pink cat-shield against the Demon Lord.
"They really went all in."
"I don't sparkle that hard in real life, right?"
"Kaname," she said, "the shield glows brighter when you're nervous."
"Oh."
I turned slightly away and the shield flared like a fireworks show.
The train dropped us off at the bottom of the castle chains—seven huge leyline beams anchoring the fortress to the city below.
We had to ascend through the central binding pillar, which pulsed with cursed mana and rumbled like indigestion.
Velis pointed out the maintenance ladders.
Iria punched a hole through a seal and climbed the outside instead.
Lyra floated upward via an enchanted breeze.
Silas just vanished.
I, being the most sensible among us, climbed three steps, tripped on a vine that shouldn't have existed, hit a ward node, and got launched upward through a safety portal.
I landed in a corridor of whispering stone.
Everyone else was already waiting.
The interior wasn't just twisted—it was smug about it.
Halls bent at wrong angles. Rooms looped unless you insulted the carpet. Mirrors showed events from fifteen minutes ago and judged your decisions.
One hallway forced us to answer a yes/no question before letting us pass.
> "Would you betray your friends to survive?"
I paused.
Velis answered, "No."
Iria: "No."
Lyra: "Absolutely not."
Silas: "…Can I answer in interpretive dance?"
The wall beeped. "Accepted."
I looked at the others.
Then said, "No."
It opened.
But whispered, "Hesitation detected."
At the end of the last corridor, a gate of obsidian and fire awaited.
Words carved into the door in glowing red script:
> "BEHOLD THE LAST TRIAL."
Velis placed her hand against the lock.
"It's not just magic," she said. "This was built by relic-grade spellwork. Someone stitched in divine code."
Behind us, the capital howled. Thunder cracked above.
"I'm guessing this opens," I said, "when we're ready?"
Lyra stepped up beside me.
"We're ready."
I held up the shield.
"I was hoping you'd say we needed five more weeks of prep time, but sure, let's go with that."