It All Started With a Cracker.
Not just any cracker.
A single, salt-dusted, glorious square dropped by a distracted toddler just outside the zoo café.
Kito was not even supposed to be outside the enclosure, technically. But the enrichment team had set up a tunnel system for the gorillas to explore a supervised outdoor pen. They didn't supervise well.
So there was Kito, 5'1" of shirtless, leaf-wearing chaos, lurking near the bushes like a raccoon, when he saw it.
The cracker.
And unfortunately, so did the goose.
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Let us be clear, this was no ordinary goose.
This was that goose.
The one with the limp wing and the thousand-yard stare.
The one who bit a volunteer so hard they lost a finger.
The one who has never lost a fight.
Honkulus.
Feathered warlord of the courtyard.
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They locked eyes.
Honkulus: honk.
Kito: grunt.
Honkulus: spread wings menacingly.
Kito: raised both arms like a silverback and bared his teeth.
A breeze stirred the cracker between them.
Neither moved.
The air was thick with tension… and feathers.
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The First Strike
Kito lunged.
Honkulus bit.
Both missed the cracker entirely and just attacked each other.
Kito got a beak to the nipple.
Honkulus got a kick to the tailfeathers.
A toddler screamed, "The monkey's fighting a chicken!"
Chaos.
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Round Two
Kito grabbed a metal water bowl and swung it like a shield.
Honkulus flew into his face like a living pillow full of rage.
> "YOU WANT WAR?!" Kito screeched.
The Honkulus pooped mid-air, almost hitting kito.
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The Turning Point
Kito went full feral:
He scrambled up a trash can, leapt off it, and body slammed Honkulus into the grass.
They tumbled.
Wings flapped.
Teeth snapped.
Tourists filmed everything.
Zookeepers sprinted toward the scene.
A guy in a zoo shirt just shouted, "DON'T TOUCH EITHER OF THEM, YOU'LL DIE!"
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Victory? Unclear.
Eventually, Honkulus waddled off, feathers ruffled, ego bruised, but still honking with menace.
Kito stood panting, scratched, but triumphant.
Then he realized…
The cracker?
Gone.
A duck had eaten it while they were fighting.
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Aftermath
Kito was hosed down for "bird disease risk." He screamed like a banshee.
Honkulus now patrols the courtyard with a slight limp and an even deeper grudge.
Kito flinches every time he hears a honk.
They still make eye contact sometimes.
Neither will ever forgive.
Neither will ever forget.
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Kito's Review:
> "Birds are sky rats. If I see that goose again, it's on sight."
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