The ballroom was dead silent; it seemed like people were afraid to speak. My parents were frozen in obvious fear of Noah as he looked down on them as if they were nothing but garbage under his feet.
Evelyne was still on the floor, humiliated.
As for Noah, he was standing like a force of nature, radiating strength with just his presence alone. To think this man would become mine in the future. At the same time, I can't believe I even thought that.
I felt it once again, that fuzzy, aching sort of feeling. It was like something soft and slow was blooming even further inside me.
No, I thought. Don't you dare fall for him! But at the same time, my body didn't listen. My heart and soul were starting to beat for the same person. I cursed inwardly at the fact you're falling for him, aren't you?
Was it because of all the emotional baggage stuffed inside me from the original owner's memories? I was losing the edge I once had. My gratitude for Noah couldn't be any higher. The way we click together is almost too perfect, and he always stands in front of me the second he can sense I'm feeling agitated with a particular situation.
When I seriously thought about being with him long-term, I couldn't outright deny that I hated the thought.
The idea of waking up beside him or even being held close didn't disgust me as much as it did before. My skin didn't crawl or make me flinch, nor did it feel wrong; in fact, it made me feel safe.
Even though he still looked the same, that almost-too-beautiful man with an almost-too-perfect face, so feminine it made me want to scream sometimes, yet it only ever made me want to get closer. On the other hand, in a situation like this, he couldn't look any manlier if he tried.
It was obvious people didn't view Noah the way I did. They saw power, fear, and a cold precision that would cut through anyone. But he only ever showed me softness. The gentleness beneath the steel, and now, after those words…
'The only thing I'll be giving you is death if you ever touch her again.'
After that he stood between me and the past I never wanted to experience again. I couldn't help but step forward and wrap my arms around him. I pressed myself against his chest and let him truly hold me.
Let myself feel it, the safety of this man. His protection felt as if the whole world was in the bottom of my palm. His arms closed around me without saying a word, like he was waiting for me to do such an action.
Everything just disappeared as I was held in his strong, reassuring arms. The pressure, whispers, or even the pain I felt from the slap seem to all melt away.
In that moment I wasn't just surviving anymore, but I was truly feeling for the first time in this world. If this was what love felt like, then maybe I wanted more of it.
After that scene… the rest of the banquet was surprisingly uneventful. No more snide remarks or underhanded tricks.
The crown prince never approached me, which was surprising, but at the same time I welcomed it. Never come near me, you bastard, or I will kill you! He just stayed across the room, eyes mostly unreadable, lips tight in that classic noble frown.
I never let my guard down entirely, but I also allowed myself to breathe with Noah around; it was possible.
I even danced once, but I was a mess because I've never done it. Noah, of course, led me well; even if I stepped on him, he didn't care.
He said, "Just follow my lead," and pulled me into position without giving me a chance to panic.
My body followed his effortlessly once I got the hang of it. The music was soothing as Noah spun me around and used many romantic-type moves to bring me very close to him. I counted that as a personal miracle because I never thought I could actually dance. Well, more like followed.
The carriage ride back to the estate was quiet and warm. I didn't sit across from him.
I clung to his side, cheek resting against his shoulder, our hands lightly intertwined as we talked about whatever nonsense came to mind. Like how horrible the finger foods were or how nobles had the weirdest laugh etiquette.
It felt natural, almost too much.
Ever since we met, it's always been so easy to talk with Noah. I never forced myself to fill empty air; it just came naturally because I wanted to learn more about him. Even though most of the time it just ended up being me talking his ear off.
I couldn't help but wonder just why I was brought to this world. Could it possibly be for him? Everything just seemed to happen so perfectly well that I couldn't help but question it.
But that didn't mean it still didn't weigh heavily on my chest as we rode through the moonlit streets.
Somewhere deep down… I hoped that the original Seraphina, the girl whose body I now call my own, has found peace in a new life.
A much better one than this world could ever offer her. To be cherished the way a kind girl like her should be treated.
When we arrived back at the Archduke estate, Noah walked me to my room just like always. Except tonight, he paused at the doorway, took my hand gently in his, and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles.
"Good dreams, Sera." His voice was so gentle; I felt it in my heart.
I didn't respond; instead, I just watched him walk away down the hall to the room next to mine.
After a while I rubbed the place he kissed and had a weird thought before I hurried into my room. When I entered, Livia was already there waiting.
She gave me a calm smile, not fake or forced, just simple and serene.
"Welcome back, my lady."
Livia approached and gestured toward the back of the gown. "May I?"
I hesitated for a second and then nodded, giving in to her. She was always respectful, so it was hard to find a reason to deny her help.
It was probably one of the hardest things to get used to in this new life of luxury: someone helping me get dressed. She undid the laces slowly, loosening them with practiced grace.
The idea of having someone take care of all my needs is, of course, a blessing, but just how long until someone pays her to backstab me? She gave off an aloof personality, which is probably a trait a bit harder to manipulate. At least I hope so.
She was cold, but not cruel. In a lot of ways she felt like Noah, but I guess he has been showing more emotions towards me lately.
So, even if it still felt weird to have her here, I just had to accept it for now.
I opened my eyes slowly as I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling as the light from the moon shined through. My body didn't move; I just stayed in that position like a statue for a while as my thoughts spiraled out of control.
The look he gave me when he caught Evelyne's hand, like I was the most precious thing in the room and he'd destroy anyone who tried to hurt me.
My stomach twisted and chest tightened.
Fuck, I blurted out. I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth. Not that anyone was around to hear me, but still… I dropped my hand and whispered the rest out loud in a low voice.
"I think… I might actually have begun sprouting feelings of love towards that man." After saying it out loud, I groaned and rolled onto my side.
While still staring blankly at the ceiling from my revelation, I couldn't help but say, "It's still far too soon to admit it."
"It's too soon," I repeated. "You can't just fall for someone like that." I was trying to talk myself out of it; obviously my thoughts were still too conflicted to fully accept it. I knew that.
But… it wasn't really working.
"Is this a situation where he was in the right place at the right time, and with my current circumstances I can't help but favor him?" Even with that though, it's still obviously too early to catch such deep feelings, especially when he's a man.
I pulled the blankets tighter around me, face burning.
"Can I even use that, though, as some kind of excuse to deflect the way I'm feeling?" I admitted. "Because even knowing that, I still clung to him."
The year of abuse in that family living as a defenseless girl has really warped the way I view the world. I've seen other men in the past coming and going through the Durel estate, but I never caught any feelings for them.
This time it just felt right, safe, and natural, but also terrifying.
I bit my lip and stared at the sun just breaking through the horizon. A resolution in my heart had bloomed, and I'm going to follow through with it.
"Going forward… I think I'm just going to be true to these new feelings."
No more trying to deny it because I was a man in my last life or emotional gymnastics trying to stay detached from him. This is my new life, and he will probably be my husband in the future; I need to just accept this. It will be a much more comfortable life that way.
"Just accept what comes," I whispered. "Stop resisting everything just because I'm still clinging to the person I used to be."
Because now… I was Seraphina, a beautiful, innocent, fragile girl who couldn't protect herself without someone strong by her side.
The strange thing is… it didn't make me feel weak at all. If what I'm feeling from him is truly unconditional love that bloomed faster than it should have, then I'd be a fool to ever let it go.
Why does this world seem so much like a novel to me? I can't remember reading it, though, maybe because it's around the same era as a lot of stories I've read in the past. Male leads usually fall really quickly, unless you're a duke of the north who refuses to love you, only to fall ten to twenty chapters later super hard.
"Just accept it, Seraphina," I mumbled through my hands. "If you feel like you want to kiss him… Just do it."
My entire body lit on fire, accepting those words.
Ugh…
Even saying something like that out loud, I still don't know if I would have such courage. I was extremely embarrassed and afraid of my own emotions.
Breakfast that morning was way too quiet. I sat beside Noah, fork in hand, but I kept sneaking glances at him every few seconds, like some awkward schoolgirl with a hopeless crush.
The resolution I made this morning kept replaying through my mind as I would glance at him. Be more honest, true to what you're feeling, and let myself live without the burdens of a life that no longer existed.
In some ways it was freeing, and in others I felt even more conscious of him.
My stomach was a mess of complicated questions and newly found desires. Then he looked at me—instant panic!
"Are you alright, Sera?" Noah asked while cutting into his eggs with the same calm, unreadable grace he always had.
I flinched slightly. "Yes! No problems!" I blurted out with a smile that felt about as natural as a wax statue. My voice also came out much louder than I had expected.
Then I immediately looked down at my food like it was suddenly the most fascinating thing I've ever seen. He didn't press further. Instead, he sipped his tea and tilted his head slightly.
"I know how you feel about nobles," he said after a moment. "How little interest you have in dealing with their constant nonsense, so… do you want me to ask the butler to just burn anything that comes addressed to you?"
For a while I just looked at him, not completely comprehending his intentions. Then it struck me like lightning! People will try to get close to me to gain his favor. It was so obvious.
"Wouldn't that reflect badly on you if I did that?" I asked softly.
He paused with a stunned look, like I had just grown a second head.
"I… honestly thought you'd cheer for the idea," he admitted. "or give me another dramatic speech trashing noble tradition and comparing a noble banquet to a dungeon trap or something."
I winced at how dead on he was with my personality because he wasn't wrong in the slightest.
Ashamed, I looked down. "You're not even getting me an etiquette teacher. Is that really alright?"
He sat there silent for a while, then slid his hand across the table and took mine gently. Then his other hand wrapped around it, holding both. I looked up, and he smiled.
"I just want you to be yourself, Sera." His voice was soft and intoxicating to my newfound acceptance of him. "If you enjoy a carefree life and don't want to deal with the inner struggle of being a noble, putting on a fake face every day, then don't."
My face and body were in a constant state of unease at his words because of how sweet they were to someone like me. Has he already figured out my personality so quickly?
"When they look down on you… Slap them in the face."
I blinked a few times at that statement.
Then let out a breathy sigh. "That's… one of the most attractive things anyone has ever said to me."
Noah chuckled.
"Yes, that's you. That's the personality I enjoy." He leaned back slightly, still holding my hand between his. "Don't try to bring yourself lower just to fit in with their little collection of dolls with glass smiles and hollow conversations."
His gaze was firm, straight into mine. "Your words… I can't help but agree with them, and it has also got me thinking of who I want to be in the future." He shrugged. "I only show true etiquette to the king anyway. No one else deserves it."
After his words, a smile tugged at my lips, and any weight I was feeling about possibly having to change myself so people don't look down on Noah disappeared.