Morning came once again, and I was still in the body of Seraphina that I've inhabited for the last year. The sun didn't exactly shine in this musky attic that I call my home. But from a small gap in the ceiling, I can barely make out whether it's day or night.
My body ached once again from the hard floor. It was actually better than the bed that's been destroyed by Evelyne in the past. She thought I wasn't good enough to even have a comfortable bed to sleep on. The bruises to my stomach area still tingle with pain that shoots up and down my body.
The slap I received yesterday was still painful, as this body with its current weakened state couldn't heal too quickly. There was no point in even keeping track of my injuries because I would just receive more today.
I sat up slowly, dragging the once soaking wet blanket that was still damp off my body. My fingers trembled first, then a chill erupted. A few strands of my silver-bluish hair lay across my face.
If only I could actually wash my hair every now and then, it wouldn't feel so disgusting all the time. Not to mention my body that only gets a cold shower when they feel like it. I couldn't help but scrunch up some hair in my palm and place it in front of my face.
"Disgusting..." That was the only thing I could think when I saw the state of my body.
This hair wasn't mine, were words I said for a while until I just accepted my current circumstances. I've only seen myself a few times since I've taken over this body, when I was paraded in front of a mirror after Evelyne did something cruel to my appearance.
I couldn't help but marvel at the girl in the mirror because she would most likely be very attractive if she was actually cleaned up. Sadly, this is probably one of the reasons Evelyne keeps me in this current state.
She would occasionally have the maids scrub me with very rough brushes that would irritate my skin in very cold water. After they would dress me up in something a commoner would wear in the city.
"Do you think you're pretty now?" She'd mocked me. "Pitiful little thing, playing dress-up in a doll's body. That's all you will ever be." That's what she would say to me just to lower my self-esteem.
At first it wasn't very effective, but the more I was abused, I just started to give in to her bullshit just to decrease the pain I would feel. I remember the emerald eyes that stared back at me; they were so beautiful.
What bothered me was the way they looked scared in the mirror. From all those past memories and my efforts to try and get the upper hand, which were all in vain, I would never escape this fate without some help.
I both hate and love them for their appeal. The way tears would fall from them anytime I saw myself, I couldn't help but feel depressed at my battered-down appearance.
Everything about me was small and so breakable. So easy to get taken advantage of, and Evelyne's constant threat to throw me into the worst areas in the city just so my body and soul would get ravaged. It was a constant battle to keep my sanity.
Seraphina lived here for much longer than I did in this nightmare. Just how in the world did she survive this? Well… I guess I can't really call this survival; she no longer lives within this body.
Her memories are my only form of entertainment. There were no books or really anything for me to do. Just look back on what I can and learn everything I can for the day I could possibly see an opening to escape.
The thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was how they always called her a mistake. Like it was her fault how her mother and father came together. That's one of the weakest reasons to ever hate someone—because of their origin. No one gets to choose their parents.
She cried all the time, and then nothingness. I can't see when her final days were or how she actually died. Just one day she was gone, and I just showed up in her body.
Lucky me… right?
"A man turned into a girl." I muttered bitterly, my voice dry and cracked from thirst. "Dropped into a noble hellhole and given someone else's suffering as a welcome gift."
The higher pitch of my voice was something I got used to eventually, but I still felt depressed about it. At the same time I felt the same sarcasm in my voice that I had kept from my last life.
"God has one hell of a sense of humor." I couldn't help but laugh to myself bitterly.
I used to think my last life was miserable, being a lonely man who never even had a girlfriend and was living alone, completely oblivious to what's going on outside. Always diving into novels where I could live through the main character was the only thing keeping me sane.
I was completely invisible to most people who lived in that world. If only I could live that same way here. What a miracle it would be if Evelyne actually lost interest in keeping me as some kind of entertainment.
Is it too much to ask to just be ignored? Why are both lives just so unfair! I didn't mean it rhetorically, but I genuinely wanted to know.
Maybe it was because I didn't make anything of myself in my past life that I got such a useless opportunity in this new one.
It doesn't matter whether I'm a boy or a girl. I'm still unwanted and alone at the end of the day no matter what world I've been born into.
My stomach growled loudly for the fourth time since I woke up, and I couldn't help but sigh loudly in this tomb I might spend the rest of my life in. Being hungry wasn't even my biggest problem, but it was more of a realization that I was just dying slowly.
The most infuriating thing was Evelyne had already told me I wouldn't eat because of what happened yesterday. I couldn't help but echo her words in my mind. "You won't be eating today because of your actions."
Feeling pity for myself, I crawled into one of the corners in the room far away from the door. I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them in as close as this frail body would allow.
My head rested against the wall as tears fell from my eyes. I felt the wet sensation fall down my cheek. It was something I never did as a man unless something truly grave happened, but in this life something could easily set me off. While in front of Evelyne, I wouldn't ever give her the satisfaction of seeing tears in my eyes.
I must have dozed off from being tired or blacked out from being malnourished. It was hard to tell the difference these days, but the silence wouldn't last for long.
The door burst open without so much as a knock; following were three women who marched in like they owned the world. These maids were not the friendly or gentle type you would find in some fairy tale. They were vultures in aprons with faces full of judgment and ridicule for everyone in the house, but they only expressed it towards me.
They never cared whether they were rough or their voice carried harsh words.
"There she is…" One of them said while sneering at me. "You're still wrapped up in that filthy blanket like a worm."
Before I could react, two of them grabbed me by each arm and yanked me up without care for any of my injuries. My ribs screamed, my legs gave out instantly, and I couldn't help but gasp loudly at this unfair treatment.
I was once again dragged somewhere as my feet scraped against the ground, not stopping to make sure I was alright. The panic in my heart hit fast because I have no idea why they're in such a rush.
Those words she had said to me many times before came to the forefront of my memory. "I'll throw you to the filth in the slums."
My heart wouldn't stop pounding as I started to thrash weakly at their vise-like grips. "Wait… Wait! Wh-where are we going?" I pushed out with all I had, hoping for some kind of answer.
Of course they didn't respond back to me but just smirked, making my mind unravel even quicker. "Let go!" I yelled. "Please! Don't take me there!"
One of them clamped a hand over my mouth. "Hush!" She hissed. "You'll wake the whole manor."
I almost threw up in fear of what unknown reason I'm being pulled to so early in the morning. The only ones I saw up and about were these damn maids; everyone else seemed to still be waking up.
But, thankfully, I wasn't taken to the street. They pulled me into a small room filled with steam, soap, and a large tin tub of cold water. Of course it would be. I couldn't help but blink multiple times when I realized what was happening. It must have been the day of my very rare bath.
The fear, of course, didn't fade away completely because I still didn't know what was coming after this. It usually meant I would be dragged to Evelyne's room after I got dressed and cleaned up.
I was thrown into the freezing cold bath, but not before they stripped me naked for all of them to see. "Hey!" I gasped, still not used to people treating my body as if it was nothing more than their property to look at.
The water was so cold, causing my teeth to chatter almost instantly. It felt like ice needles stabbing every single inch of my skin, with all my bruises and wounds healing.
Harsh bristles with jagged fingernails that also pressed hard into my skin, which I can only assume were used to wash animals. There was no flower scent, but more like a raw, weird odor you would buy for a pet.
They always talked over my complaints as if my opinion didn't matter at all.
"She stinks like a stable."
"She should be thankful we even wash her."
"She's so pale, just like a corpse."
"Lady Evelyne is so elegant by comparison. She's a real lady of the house."
"She doesn't deserve to be in the same bloodline."
My fists were clenched under the water as I heard their vicious words, desperately wishing I could drown each and every one of them in this water. Then I could finally take a bath in complete silence and actually enjoy myself watching the breath leave each and every one of them.
I couldn't help but stare at my pink toes that I haven't seen for a while because they were always blackened from all the crap inside the attic. They never come and clean it, so I'm always dirty.
As I continued up my body with my eyes looking at the murky water, I couldn't help but shed a tear or two at actually being clean. But that moment wouldn't last for too long before they would rub me too hard or splash soap into my face, burning my eyes on purpose to annoy me even more.
They pulled me out still dripping and toweled me off with harsh hands that were constantly pushing against my body on any part that had an injury. They were so evil! Fucking bitch maids!
I was placed into a somewhat nice dress but with no undergarments. Of course that would be too much kindness for me. They would rather embarrass me for the fact I'm not dressed correctly or use this as an excuse for abuse later on.
After they finished their work, I watched them step back and admire their work as if they were looking at human livestock at a market.
"She doesn't look completely feral now." One of them commented.
"Maybe Lady Evelyne will finally parade her around again."
My body stiffened at those words.
Of course Evelyne would only bathe me to get something out of it, and putting on a show in front of nobles and humiliating me is something that has happened more than once.
She wouldn't be caught dead walking beside a sister who looked like a beggar. Evelyne needed a contrast to her beauty to look even more appealing to boost her already enormous ego.
I was a walking and talking stain that she could stand next to in order to highlight her silk.
She would say, "But I did clean you, so shouldn't you thank me?"
What a kind gesture, am I right?
I stared at the floor with my jaw tight and my fists trembling at my sides. Quietly in my mind I made a promise to myself. One day this bitch is going to regret ever thinking I was beneath her.