The Genesis.
Have you ever heard of an insomniac just begging for the sun to rise? That's me. Sleepless, lonely nights have become my norm ever since I decided to quit weed. I thought the insomnia would pass after a month or so—but this time, it hit differently. Welcome to my life.
Hi, I'm Pineay. Don't worry, the name's made up and unique. Technically, I'm a "first fourth born"—my mum's first child, and my dad's fourth out of eight. I grew up in a loud, chaotic home where I had little to no control over my environment. As a child, I was the withdrawn, often-overlooked middle kid who was still expected to "understand" even when being taken advantage of.
Being my mum's firstborn made me feel like a hidden treasure to her. She truly loved me, and still does. But I was raised alongside my step-siblings, and whenever they didn't feel like doing something, the responsibility automatically fell on me. I became the go-to person for any task they wanted to avoid.
Meanwhile, my parents constantly fought. Loud, unexpected arguments were a regular part of our lives, and like any child, I was deeply affected. Every moment of domestic violence left a mark on my mental health—memories I can't easily shake off.
In school, I wasn't always a top performer. I didn't really enjoy it, but I had to go because my strict parents insisted. They didn't get along, and that tension filtered into everything—including how they reacted to my academics. Whenever I didn't top the class or match my sister's performance, they would compare me. Each had their own perspective, and those mixed messages left me feeling both inspired and defeated. Why was I being compared to my siblings when we were all so different?
Eventually, I started doing better in school—maybe because I wanted to be seen, to be enough for both of them. And for a while, it worked. I finally got their attention and praise, and I lived for those moments of shared pride. But if you think my improved grades changed everything—you're wrong. The fighting never stopped. The chaos stayed. My three full siblings and I had to flee with my mum whenever things got too intense.
I'll never forget the time my dad beat me because he thought I'd given my mum money for transport. That moment scarred me—but I didn't let it derail my education. Academics became my escape, my only way of making the two people who brought me into this world feel proud of me.