Li Wei was starting to think his coffee shop was cursed by a caffeine-hating god. Transcendent Brews was a wreck—shattered windows, scorched walls, and a ceiling that looked one sneeze away from collapsing. The espresso machine, now a glowing, humming menace, had just defused a mini-tribulation with a shimmering coffee barrier and a cryptic chant of "Brew… together…" that still echoed in Li Wei's ears. Soft Feather was livestreaming the chaos to the Nine Provinces Number One Group, Song Shuhang was checking his talismans like a soldier prepping for war, and Su Clan's Sixteen leaned against the counter, her short sword sheathed but her eyes sharp. Doudou lounged on a table, licking espresso off his paws, while True Monarch Yellow Mountain tried to keep the group from spiraling. Venerable Spirit Butterfly sipped his flat white, his serene gaze unnerving, and Fairy Lychee twirled her peach-shaped fan, giggling at the madness. Thrice Reckless Mad Saber was carving "Coffee Rules" into a table, Medicine Master was scribbling notes on the machine's qi, and Riverly Purple Mist smirked over her latte. Immortal Master Copper Trigram, the latest chaos gremlin, leaned against the wall, his bronze mirror glinting as he grinned at Li Wei.
Li Wei stood behind the counter, chugging an espresso and gripping a wrench, his sarcasm at breaking point. "So, let me get this straight," he said, glaring at the machine. "My coffee maker's a spirit artifact, my beans are alien, and I'm some kind of qi conduit? I just wanted to pay my rent, not star in a cosmic soap opera."
Medicine Master looked up, his jade tool beeping. "Fellow Daoist Li, your qi synchronized with the machine's spirit to stabilize the tribulation. It's unprecedented. We need to test you further—your energy may hold the key to the coffee's origins."
Li Wei waved the wrench. "Test me? I'm not a science project! I'm a barista, and this thing's a coffee maker, not a portal to Narnia!"
Riverly Purple Mist chuckled, sipping her latte. "Keep denying it, Barista. Your qi's louder than your complaints. That machine's practically your soulmate."
Li Wei groaned, pointing at her. "Soulmate? It's a haunted toaster! If it's my soulmate, I'm filing for divorce."
Soft Feather clapped, her phone still recording. "Transcendent Barista, you're so cool! You tamed a tribulation with coffee thoughts! Can I try syncing with the machine?"
"No!" Li Wei snapped, swatting her hand away. "Nobody touches it until we figure out why it's acting like a caffeine prophet."
Su Clan's Sixteen raised an eyebrow, her voice calm. "Fellow Daoist Li, you can't ignore this. Your qi's real, and that machine's tied to you. The Black Tiger Sect's coming back with allies—you need to be ready."
Li Wei slumped against the counter. "Ready? For what? A sect invasion? I'm out of beans and patience!"
True Monarch Yellow Mountain set down his cup, his tone steady. "Sixteen's right. The Black Tiger Sect's grand elder mentioned allies. They'll bring stronger cultivators, maybe even a sixth-stage True Monarch. We'll protect the shop, but you need to understand your role."
"My role?" Li Wei said, incredulous. "I pour coffee, not lead armies! If they want the machine, they can have it—it's more trouble than it's worth."
Doudou barked, hopping onto the counter. "Give it up? No way, Barista Guy! That machine's a legend. It's like my wingman, but with better aim. Name it Brewzilla already!"
"Shut up, dog," Li Wei muttered, but Doudou just grinned, his tail wagging.
Fairy Lychee giggled, twirling her fan. "Oh, Barista, you're adorable when you're grumpy. That machine's a treasure—bet it could brew me a love potion!"
Li Wei groaned, starting a cappuccino for her. "Love potion? Lady, it's brewing lawsuits. You want chaos, it's all yours."
Immortal Master Copper Trigram sauntered over, his mirror glowing. "Speaking of chaos, Barista, your fortune's calling. That coffee's got fate woven into it. Let me read your path—it'll be fun!"
Li Wei slid the cappuccino to Fairy Lychee, glaring at Copper Trigram. "No fortunes! I've got enough crazy without your voodoo nonsense."
Copper Trigram grinned, waving his mirror. "Voodoo? This is high art! One sip of your espresso, and I saw stars. Your fate's tied to that machine, and it's a wild ride. Want details?"
"No!" Li Wei snapped. "Keep your mirror away from me!"
But the Nine Provinces Number One Group chat was already buzzing:
Immortal Master Copper Trigram : Transcendent Barista's fate is cosmic! @Transcendent Barista, my mirror's never lied—well, mostly. Want a reading?
Fairy Lychee : Don't trust him, Barista! @Transcendent Barista, your cappuccino's better than his fortunes!
Soft Feather : Copper Trigram's reading fortunes! @Transcendent Barista, do it! I bet your fate's super cool!
Su Clan's Sixteen : @Copper Trigram, stop stirring trouble. @Transcendent Barista, focus—the machine's qi is spiking again.
Li Wei groaned, slamming his phone down. "Why is this group a circus? I'm one spark away from unplugging everything!"
The espresso machine chose that moment to let out a loud *hiss*, and a stream of glowing grounds swirled into the air, forming a shimmering coffee cup that hovered over the counter. Its voice echoed, soft but commanding: "Brew… the Dao… see…" The grounds shifted, forming vague images—a lotus, a portal, a shadowy figure—before dissolving into steam.
Li Wei's jaw dropped. "See? See what? You're a coffee maker, not a crystal ball!"
Medicine Master's eyes widened, his jade tool beeping frantically. "Fellow Daoist Li, the machine's spirit is projecting visions! It's channeling your qi to show… something. Possibly your arrival here."
Li Wei froze. "My arrival? You mean when I spilled coffee on my phone and woke up in this nutcase world? That's not a vision, that's a nightmare!"
Riverly Purple Mist smirked. "Nightmare or not, Barista, your machine's telling stories. Maybe you're more than a barista after all."
Venerable Spirit Butterfly set down his cup, his voice cutting through the chatter. "Fellow Daoist Li, the machine's spirit is no accident. Your presence here, your coffee, this shop—they're connected. The Dao is subtle, but it's speaking through you."
Li Wei groaned, chugging his espresso. "Dao? I'm speaking through caffeine and regret! Somebody make this stop!"
Senior White looked up, his talisman still sparking. The storm cloud above it had calmed slightly, but its lightning crackled in sync with the machine's hum. "Fellow Daoist Li, the machine's visions may be linked to the talisman's energy. Shall I amplify it?"
"No!" Li Wei yelled, pointing the wrench at him. "No amplifying, no talismans, no nothing! You're banned from experiments until my shop's not a lightning rod!"
But the machine let out another roar , and a massive lotus of steam filled the shop, glowing like a neon sign. The voice echoed: "Brew… the Dao… reveal…" A stream of espresso shot out, hitting Copper Trigram's mirror, which flared with light. The mirror projected a blurry image—a swirling portal, a coffee cup, and a figure that looked disturbingly like Li Wei, standing in a starry void.
Copper Trigram's grin widened. "Well, damn, Barista! Your coffee's showing me your origin story! That's you, crossing realms! Wanna know more?"
Li Wei's heart stopped. "Crossing realms? That's just a bad trip! Your mirror's broken!"
Soft Feather squealed, filming the projection. "Transcendent Barista, you're from another world! This is so cool! Your machine's like a cosmic projector!"
"It's not cosmic!" Li Wei yelled. "It's a coffee maker!"
Su Clan's Sixteen stepped closer, her eyes narrowing at the projection. "Fellow Daoist Li, that image… it's not random. Your arrival here wasn't an accident. We need to investigate."
Li Wei groaned, rubbing his temples. "Investigate? I'm trying to survive, not play detective!"
True Monarch Yellow Mountain nodded, his voice calm. "Sixteen's right. If your coffee's from another realm, it explains the machine's spirit. Medicine Master, can you trace the qi further?"
Medicine Master scribbled furiously. "I'll need more samples—grounds, steam, and Fellow Daoist Li's qi. The mirror's projection confirms it: his energy is otherworldly."
Li Wei waved the wrench. "Otherworldly? I'm from Shanghai, not Mars! Stop making me sound like an alien!"
Fairy Lychee giggled, sipping her cappuccino. "Alien or not, Barista, you're the most interesting thing in Jiangnan City. That machine's a keeper!"
Before Li Wei could retort, the door burst open, and a wave of oppressive aura flooded the shop. Ten cultivators stormed in, a mix of Black Tiger Sect goons and new faces in crimson robes embroidered with a flaming serpent. Their leader, a burly man with a scar across his face, radiated sixth-stage True Monarch energy. His voice boomed, shaking the walls. "Transcendent Barista! I am True Monarch Flame Serpent of the Crimson Flame Sect, allies of the Black Tiger Sect! Your artifact is a threat to the cultivation world. Surrender it, or we burn this shop to the ground!"
Li Wei groaned, gripping his coffee pot. "Burn it? I just swept! You want coffee, fine. You want my machine? Get in line!"
Su Clan's Sixteen drew her sword, her voice cold. "You're not touching this shop. Leave, or face the Su Clan."
Song Shuhang tossed a talisman, his face pale but determined. "And the Nine Provinces Number One Group. We don't back down."
Doudou growled, his fur bristling. "Yeah, scarface, buzz off! This shop's dog-protected, and I'm feeling bitey!"
Fairy Lychee twirled her fan, her smile mischievous. "Oh, a fight? Count me in! Barista, make me another cappuccino for the show!"
Copper Trigram waved his mirror, grinning. "My fortune says we win, Barista. Want me to hex these guys?"
"No hexes!" Li Wei snapped, starting a cappuccino for Fairy Lychee. "And no fights in my shop! I'm already in debt!"
True Monarch Flame Serpent sneered, raising a hand that crackled with crimson qi. "Fools! You think you can defy the Crimson Flame Sect? Attack!"
The cultivators charged, their weapons—flaming swords, serpent-shaped spears, and glowing whips—blazing with qi. Su Clan's Sixteen moved like a shadow, her sword clashing with a whip-wielding goon. Song Shuhang's talisman burst into a shield of light, blocking a spear thrust. Soft Feather threw butterfly charms that exploded into sparks, tripping a swordsman. Doudou leaped, his qi forming a gust that sent a cultivator sprawling. Fairy Lychee waved her fan, unleashing a wave of peach-scented qi that dazed a Black Tiger Sect goon. Copper Trigram tossed a hex from his mirror, making a cultivator's sword turn into a rubber snake. True Monarch Yellow Mountain raised a hand, his aura calming the chaos, while Venerable Spirit Butterfly watched, his smile unreadable.
Li Wei swung his coffee pot at a goon who got too close, splashing hot espresso on the guy's face. "Stay away from my machine!" he yelled, the cultivator screaming and flailing. The machine let out a *hiss*, and a stream of glowing grounds shot out, hitting True Monarch Flame Serpent. The True Monarch staggered, his aura flickering, and his scowl melted into a dazed expression. "This… this power…" he mumbled, licking coffee off his lips. "It's like my qi is… balanced."
Li Wei stared, his coffee pot dropping. "Balanced? You got blasted with decaf! It's not magic, it's a glitch!"
But the Nine Provinces Number One Group chat exploded:
Soft Feather : Transcendent Barista's machine took down a True Monarch! @Transcendent Barista, your coffee's unstoppable!
Fairy Lychee : That was awesome! @Transcendent Barista, your machine's my new best friend!
Immortal Master Copper Trigram : Told you, Barista! My fortune was spot-on! @Transcendent Barista, you're destined for greatness!
Medicine Master : The machine's qi is spiking again. @Transcendent Barista, we need to test you now—your qi's the trigger.
Li Wei groaned, ignoring his phone. "Destined? I'm destined for a nervous breakdown!"
The machine let out another *roar*, and a massive lotus of steam filled the shop, its voice echoing: "Brew… the Dao… fight…" A shimmering barrier formed around the counter, blocking a flaming sword from a Crimson Flame Sect goon. The barrier pulsed, sending out waves of qi that knocked the attackers back.
Song Shuhang gasped, his talisman flickering. "Fellow Daoist Li, your machine's… fighting for you?"
Li Wei's jaw dropped. "Fighting? It's gone full Terminator! I'm not insured for this!"
Medicine Master shouted, his jade tool beeping. "Fellow Daoist Li, your qi's amplifying the machine! Focus—think about coffee again!"
"Coffee?" Li Wei said, incredulous. "I'm thinking about not dying!" But he closed his eyes, picturing his old barista days—grinding beans, pulling shots, the hiss of steam. The machine hummed, its barrier glowing brighter, and the attackers staggered, their weapons trembling.
Su Clan's Sixteen nodded, her voice urgent. "It's working, Fellow Daoist! Keep going!"
Li Wei groaned, focusing harder. The machine's voice softened: "Brew… together…" The barrier stabilized, and the storm cloud above Senior White's talisman shrank, its lightning fading. The attackers froze, their auras dimming, and True Monarch Flame Serpent sank to his knees, muttering about "the Dao of balance."
Soft Feather clapped, filming the scene. "Transcendent Barista, you're a spirit master! You and the machine are one!"
"I'm not one with anything!" Li Wei yelled, opening his eyes. "I just want my shop back!"
Copper Trigram grinned, his mirror glowing. "One or not, Barista, your fortune's clear—you're bound to that machine, and it's bound to the stars. Want the full reading?"
Li Wei groaned, chugging another espresso. "No readings, no stars, just coffee. Somebody get me a stronger brew before I lose it."
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