Morning.
Birds chirped. The sun shone. Haruto was already awake, humming some weird tune about fish being ninjas. And me? I was hiding under the blanket, praying the day would forget about me.
It didn't.
BNPP:
Daily Death Flag Warning: 32% risk of fatal encounter today.
Oh, great.
BNPP:
Suggested Action: Accept a free lunch offer from the nearest kunoichi.
I squinted at the floating text.
"Nope. Not falling for that again."
Last time I accepted free food from a kunoichi, she tried to kill me with lightning because I said "thank you" wrong.
I rolled out of bed with a groan. "Haruto, let's do a mission."
Haruto looked up from his drawing of a buff squirrel. "What rank?"
"D."
As usual. It was either that or babysitting the Hokage's grandkids, and even death by squirrel was safer than that.
An hour later, at the mission office
I grabbed the mission scroll off the counter. "Delivery job. Simple. No squirrels, no crazy kunoichi, no lightning jutsu. Perfect."
I turned — and walked straight into her.
"Oi, old man."
I knew that voice.
I knew that smug grin, those sharp eyes, and the fishnet outfit that screamed I have issues and you're gonna hear about them.
Anko Mitarashi.
BNPP:
Immediate Death Flag Detected.
BNPP:
Suggested Action: Accept lunch invitation.
"Not a chance," I muttered under my breath.
Anko grinned wider. "Going somewhere, mister lone Genin?"
"Nope. Mission. Important. Top secret. Can't talk. Ninja stuff."
She stepped closer. "You still owe me dango, y'know."
"Pretty sure that was someone else."
"Pretty sure it was you."
BNPP:
Alternate Fate Preview available. Use now? (Y/N)
I hesitated. Should I peek? The last preview involved koi fish gnawing my face off. How much worse could this be?
"…Fine. Show me."
Alternate Fate Preview:
If you refuse Anko's lunch invitation, she will stalk you during your mission, ambush you in an alley, and force-feed you spicy dango until your stomach ruptures.
I gagged. "That's a thing that can happen?!"
BNPP:
Confirmed. 86% chance of fatality via overfeeding.
I sighed. "Alright, Anko. Lunch it is."
She slapped my back hard enough to dislodge a lung. "Knew you'd say yes, old man!"
BNPP:
Death Flag Probability decreased to 18%.
Progress.
Later, at Anko's favorite dango shop
Haruto wasn't with me, thank the heavens. I didn't need him watching his father get threatened with food-based assassination.
Anko ordered enough dango to feed a small platoon. I sat there, pretending to enjoy myself while internally praying for a meteor strike.
"So," Anko grinned, "why're you still a Genin, anyway?"
I shrugged. "No talent."
"Same," she laughed. "But at least I've got guts. And you've got… a kid. Cute one, by the way."
I blinked. "Wait, how'd you—"
"I watch people. It's a hobby."
BNPP:
Minor Death Flag Triggered: Anko's mood swing chance increased.
I gulped. "Neat."
BNPP:
Suggested Action: Compliment her snakes.
"What snakes?" I whispered.
BNPP:
Her snake summons. Say something nice.
I gritted my teeth. "Hey Anko… your snakes… super elegant."
She froze. Eyes wide. A blush appeared.
"Oh," she mumbled, playing with a dango stick. "No one ever says that."
BNPP:
Death Flag Probability decreased to 5%.
Anko smiled softly. "You're alright, old man."
I exhaled.
Crisis averted.
Then the shop door banged open. The angry dango lady from yesterday stormed in.
"There you are, deadbeat Genin!"
Anko blinked. "Wait — you didn't pay for dango yesterday?"
"It was a misunderstanding!" I shouted, diving under the table.
BNPP:
New Death Flag Triggered.
I heard Anko laugh like a lunatic as the shop descended into chaos.