Subaru held up a hand-drawn map of the surrounding wilderness, proudly pinned with hand-labeled markers.
"Alright! Here's our plan: we intercept the giant toads at feeding time, flank from both sides, and use Aqua's blessings to weaken them while I distract them with bait."
Darkness nodded solemnly. "And I shall receive their righteous fury."
Megumin grinned. "Explosion."
Aqua raised her hand. "I vote we just run in and wing it!"
Subaru dropped the map. "Of course you do."
The mission began well. Subaru lured the toads out with bait. Aqua blessed the area. Darkness charged in—
—and missed.
Megumin cast Explosion and collapsed into Subaru's arms, unconscious.
The bait caught fire. The toads panicked.
Then they turned on Subaru.
He was swallowed. Again.
At the guild later that night, Subaru sat dripping in frog saliva. Aqua cast Cleanse on him half-heartedly, more focused on drinking.
"I used to die for a reason," Subaru muttered.
Darkness beamed. "Your sacrifice was inspirational."
"That wasn't a sacrifice! That was a tactical disaster!"
Megumin, now awake and munching bread, added, "At least it was more exciting than school."
They turned in the quest. The payout barely covered dinner.
Subaru stared at his plate of cheap stew. "I miss Emilia."
Aqua snorted. "I miss worshippers."
Darkness smiled dreamily. "I miss the feel of battle."
Megumin raised her spoon. "Explosion."
---
Meanwhile, in Lugunica...
Kazuma used his Steal skill to swipe a noblewoman's ring and sell it before anyone noticed. He now owned a three-room townhouse.
He laid back in bed, arms behind his head, sighing contentedly.
"No weird teammates. No property damage. Just smart choices."
He paused.
"...Is this what being the main character feels like?"