ALLY
What?
What do you mean, accident? What kind of….. What does that even mean?
What accident?
My head was already spinning. My ears started ringing, I wasn't even sure I was hearing her right.
An accident. Accident where? With who?
Like how?
My parents? No, no, no.
God forbid. I immediately rejected the thought.
I just saw them this morning. They dropped me off. They waved. They were fine. They were smiling.
The woman was looking at me. You know that kind of stupid sorry face people do when they're about to ruin your whole life? That one. She was just doing that. She looked like she didn't even want to say it.
And then she said it.
"It's your parents."
Boom. Just like that. Just like that. No softness, no build-up. Just your parents.
My whole body locked. Everything inside me went cold. But also hot. My skin felt like it was burning and freezing at the same time.
I stood. Or tried to. My legs gave out. My knees didn't even bend, they just disappeared. I fell back hard. I didn't even feel the chair hit me. I couldn't feel anything.
I think I said, "No." Or maybe I screamed it. I don't know. I just kept shaking my head. No. No. No.
They started explaining. A drunk driver. Hit them. They died instantly. On the spot. No pain, they said. Like that makes it better. Like that helps.
My aunt is on her way, they said.
I didn't care. I didn't want her. I didn't want anybody.
I was already screaming. On the floor. Holding my stomach like something inside me was trying to come out. My chest couldn't take it. My lungs, I don't even know if they were working. I was breathing but not really. It felt like I was drowning in open air.
I was screaming like it would stop the truth from being true. I was screaming because that's all my body knew how to do. I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to stop it.
It wasn't real.
It couldn't be real.
They were just here this morning.
"I'm so sorry, Ivy. I know this is unimaginable, it's unexpected."
I screamed.
I screamed like I was being set on fire. Like the sound would make it stop being true.
My whole body was shaking, I was choking on nothing, and yet, I screamed. Loud. Ugly.
Everyone in the office froze.
Somebody whispered, "Oh God".
I saw one woman crying silently. Another tried to come to me, but she just-didn't. She sat back down, hands covering her mouth.
Nobody knew what to do with me.
One man walked out. I heard the door. Couldn't blame him, the sight must have been too ugly, too raw for him to withstand.
The counsellor who told me, she knelt beside me. Said something like, "It's okay…. it's okay…"
But it wasn't. It wasn't okay. It wouldn't be okay. Not now. Not later. Not ever.
I didn't know how to stop screaming. I just kept going.
Because I'd just seen them this morning. We just laughed and hugged this morning.
And now what? They're just….. gone?
No. No way.
We had plans for the weekend. They told me they'd see me back at home.
How could they be gone?
It can't be real.
I stood up in a daze and walked out of the principal's office. My feet were moving but my brain wasn't.
And there was Sophia.
Waiting. Crying.
She didn't say anything. Just wrapped her arms around me like she knew. Like she really knew. And I just cried into her. Cried so hard I couldn't see anymore.
She had both our bags. She'd been outside the whole time. She knew.
Everyone probably knew already.
Tears ran down my face uncontrollably.
"Come on," Sophia whispered after a while. "I'll go home with you."
Her voice was trying to be steady, but I felt her shaking.
We walked outside. There was a car waiting. Just sitting there. It felt like I wasn't really me.
Everything around me had gone quiet. Like someone pressed mute on everything except my pain.
When we finally got to my house, a new wave of emotions crashed over me. Family members I hadn't seen in years were sitting in the living room. Some were crying, others just had their heads bowed in pain.
Some people came to offer their condolences, some whispered prayers over me, but none of it registered. My mind was fixed on the hospital, where my parents waited, cold and unmoving.
Aunty Linda came and took me outside into the car. Didn't say much. Just drove, holding me tightly as we drove in complete silence to the hospital.
The drive felt endless. I was anxious and scared, and with every passing second, the anxiety grew like it might crush me.
On the way, I'd silently begged for a miracle. I had hoped that halfway there, everyone would shout " surprise" and laugh, but that didn't happen.
We got to the hospital. I could smell antiseptic before we even entered. That sharp, cold smell that hits your throat and tells you you're somewhere serious.
I hoped they'd be sitting with smiles on their faces , and I would fall into their arms in a tight hug.
That didn't happen either.
Instead, a nurse took us to a room. It was dim. She gently pushed the door open and signaled for us to walk in.
My legs shook. I squeezed my hands together and stepped inside. It was colder than anywhere I'd ever known.
There were two hospital beds.
I walked closer.
Both my parents were there.
Their faces were composed, peaceful even, like they were sleeping, but I knew better.
They were lying there. Side by side.
Too still.
Too quiet.
I could see bruises on their faces. Pale. Not waiting for me with hugs. No warm "hey sweetheart. "
I wasn't daft. I knew what that meant. Their stillness was lifeless. It felt final. Irreversible.
I let out a loud, broken cry I could no longer hold in. My legs gave out beneath me. I couldn't stand anymore.
I kept staring and crying.
What was I supposed to do now?
Just like that…. I was an orphan.
Just like that….. I was alone.
The pain was unbearable.
I looked at their hands. My dad's fingers were almost touching my mom's .
I blacked out after that.