The morning began, as most mornings in Rei's life now did, with a system notification that should've been accompanied by ominous chanting and a blood-red sky.
[System Mission Activated: (Survive Mandatory Romance Scheduling Simulation)]
[Objective: Create a fair, balanced weekly romantic calendar with all five yandere fiancées.]
[Failure Condition: Causing emotional distress. Estimated risk: 5000%]
[Reward: One (1) nap.]
Rei blinked at the glowing message hovering above his face. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet.
"...I miss Mondays where the worst thing I had to worry about was traffic."
A second message appeared.
[System Sarcasm Protocol Engaged]
[You're in a dungeon dimension with five possessive superpowered wives-to-be. You ARE traffic.]
"Welcome to the Scheduling Summit of Love!" Eris declared, appearing in a flash of sparkles, confetti, and questionable fashion choices. Today, she wore a business suit made entirely of glitter and passive-aggressive energy.
"Today's mission is simple: romance without homicide. I believe in you all~" she lied.
Rei sat at the roundtable, flanked on either side by doom incarnate—Drakana was sharpening her date ideas on her scales like a knife, Seraphina had brought her royal calendar scroll with "REI DAY" stamped on half the year, and Lilia was scribbling "Lilia & Rei 4EVER" into the margins of the agenda sheet with unnerving speed.
Lucivella had conjured a floating clipboard of demonic time slots arranged by planetary alignment. Rosette silently placed a small bell beside her with the label "My Turn."
"I believe in democracy," Seraphina said sweetly, "as long as I win."
"Shall we begin?" Rei said weakly, trying to sound alive. He didn't. He sounded like a man volunteering to taste-test poison.
The System summoned a gigantic magical calendar board that hovered in the air, complete with color-coded quills, scheduling crystals, and a "Spontaneous Kissing" marker in glittery pink.
[System Tip: Start with time slots. Not with emotional declarations of eternal ownership.]
"Drakana, why don't you go first?" Rei offered.
"Fine," the dragoness huffed. "I claim every second Tuesday and the Blood Moon. Also every day ending in '-day'."
"That's… all of them," Rei said.
"Exactly."
Lucivella sipped soul wine and calmly floated a demon rune onto the board.
"I only require one day: the seventh solstice of every lunar eclipse. Plus two hours before it. And three days after. Also the first Tuesday of the afterlife."
"That's not even measurable time," Rei muttered.
Lucivella grinned. "Love isn't measurable, darling. But obsession is."
Rosette gently rang her bell.
"...Yes, Rosette?"
She handed him a folded note. He opened it:
"Please allocate three hours nightly between 1AM and 4AM for silent devotional staring. I will not disturb you. Much."
"MUCH?!"
Lilia stepped up cheerfully. "I already finished my part!"
She unfolded a sheet that looked like a terrifying kindergarten art project. Every box had a heart. Every heart had "Lilia + Rei" inside. Every Sunday had a sun wearing sunglasses and pointing at a wedding cake.
"Lilia, this is every day."
"I didn't want to risk missing a moment," she said with angelic calm.
Seraphina raised her hand like a classroom overachiever. "As royalty, I must insist that Thursday belongs to me. As does Friday. And Saturday. The rest is negotiable—through duels."
[System Alert: Negotiation has escalated to Battle Phase.]
"What?!" Rei yelped.
The girls summoned their weapons in unison. Drakana's claws ignited, Lucivella's eyes glowed violet, Rosette pulled out a chalk circle and started drawing ancient marriage sigils. Lilia strapped on a cooking pot like a helmet. Seraphina unsheathed her fan, which may or may not have also been a guillotine.
"I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!" Rei shouted, holding up his hands. "What if… and hear me out… we take turns? Like… like a rotation!"
"Explain," Lucivella purred ominously.
Rei gulped. "One girl per day. Randomized. Fair. Non-lethal. I'll even let the system roll the dice."
[System Dice-Rolling Subsystem Activated.]
[Rolling: Monday – Rosette.]
[Tuesday – Drakana.]
[Wednesday – Seraphina.]
[Thursday – Lilia.]
[Friday – Lucivella.]
[Saturday – All-Hands Romantic Group Event.]
[Sunday – Rei's Rest Day.]
[Note: Sunday cannot be revoked. Even if you cry.]
The room went silent. Tension thickened.
Then—
"I approve," Lucivella said first.
"I'll allow it," Drakana added, cracking her neck.
"...Fine," Seraphina said through gritted teeth. "But I get extra hours on Royal Holidays."
Rosette nodded. Lilia just clapped like a kindergarten teacher encouraging a cat to sing.
Eris, still eating flaming popcorn from her throne of chaos, beamed. "You see? Growth! Teamwork! Bloodless collaboration! Almost proud of you!"
Rei collapsed face-first into the table with a long sigh of relief.
Later that night, as Rei lay curled under five color-coded blankets stitched with the names of his "future wives," the system popped up one last time.
[System Notification: Mission Complete – Romance Schedule Created.]
[Reward: One (1) Nap Coupon. Usable immediately. Non-transferable. Non-refundable. Non-reality-exempt.]
[System Commentary:]
– You survived scheduling with five obsessive women.
– You did not cause a duel to the death.
– You only cried once. (We counted.)
– Overall Rating: 7.5/10 – Could improve calendar legibility and personal backbone.
Rei mumbled sleepily, "I'm not even sure if I'm in a romance story anymore or a hostage simulation…"
[System Correction: It's both.]
Meanwhile At the royal palace, Eris stood before a mirror and adjusted her "Therapist Goddess of Dysfunctional Love" sash.
She smiled.
"Let's see how long that calendar lasts before someone sets it on fire for funsies."
She conjured a second calendar. Lilia's name was written over all the days again.
"Just in case."
To be continued…