Olivia's POV
Just then, a woman emerged from the blues and picked up the crying boy. She hugged him tightly, with her face filled with concern as she looked down at him. Her eyes then shifted to me, her earlier calmness was now replaced by an undeniable fury.
"Do not see or speak to my son again," she snarled angrily.
I did not know what to say so I just remained speechless. I stood there, my head filled with thoughts trying to search for the right words to say, but there was only silence.
"I wasn't trying to—" I began, but she interrupted me, "I just wanted you to know that's how I see it."
Wordlessly, she went off at a fast pace with the boy still in her arms as if she wanted to shield him from me. I simply stood there, unable to say and or do anything.
As for that boy, he looked just like LJ. Golden hair, warm brown eyes, the posture he assumed when I discovered him – all was eerily familiar. It didn't make any sense. As if on cue it was evening and the unfamiliar man came into the station with his young son that looked like my boy.
Using my hands, I tried to get into a sitting position, but my legs were weak. I stood there for what I presumed to be hours staring blankly while a thousand questions raced through my mind, and none of them had a solution. Then, a tiny voice in my head said that is enough; I had to go back because I've been away for too long. It was getting late and probably LJ and Ryan were waiting for me, wondering why it was taking me so long.
I shook my head, straining to clear my mind. I could not afford to let them see me like this. As I started my walk opposite to the direction of the boy, I took a deep breath and inhaled. My utmost focus during the walk was to avoid thinking about the boy as best as I could, but no matter how hard I tried, the boy still floated at the back of my mind.
LJ was sitting on a bench, looking happy while devouring a huge blue cotton candy when I returned to the place I left them. Ryan was standing near the bench with his arms crossed.
"There you are," Ryan said. "What took you so long? Got lost or something?" He asked.
I simply rolled my shoulders and tried to look as nonchalant as possible. "There was a long queue at the bathroom."
He looked at me with certain disbelief and a cocked head, but to my relief, he did not press the issue. "Well, now that you're back, can we finally grab dinner. LJ has been asking for food for the past ten minutes."
"Mommy, can we get burgers?" LJ asked, and the moment I looked in his direction, his face lighted up.
"Of course," I said, suppressing a frown as I ruffled his hair. "Burgers it is."
Dinner, which was at a small and quiet diner just down the road from the park, was lovely. LJ was busy expressing himself on how the different rides that he have been in were like and how much he enjoyed them.
"And then the teacups spun so fast, I thought we were going to fall out!" LJ exclaimed, pretending to be on the ride, "My oh my, my head!"
Ryan laughed, pushing the chair back away from the table. "Well, I almost died on that ride. I still think I might be dizzy."
LJ giggled, and for a moment I tired to join in on their laughter. But I found my thoughts wandering back to the park, to the boy and his mother.
"Mommy?"LJ's voice returned me to earth.
I blinked and looked at him. "Hmm?"
"Hey, you okay?" he said anxiously with his forehead knitted and brows furrowed.
In response, Ryan tilted forward and creased his brow into a slight frown. "He's right. You have not been speaking much since you return. Is everything okay?"
I had to laugh and smile at the same time in order to sound convincing. "I'm fine. Just tired, that's all. It's been a long day."
Ryan appeared unconvinced, but he made no attempt to argue with me. Fortunately, LJ agreed with the answer and returned to the topic of dessert.
After we got home, I realised that LJ was extremely tired and could barely open his eyes. Ryan had to carry him upstairs. I followed, making sure I untucked the blankets that Ryan used to lay him down on.
LJ mumbled something as I covered him up and adjusted the blanket over him. His small hand extended to mine in a gentle handshake before relaxing as he let out a sigh and began to snore gently.
"He must have had such a great day," my mom whispered from the doorway. Her eyes were full of affection as she gazed at the two of us.
I nodded my head and gently moved a piece of hair away from LJ's face. "Yeah, he did. He couldn't stop smiling all day."
She stepped nearer, whispering. "Ryan's still downstairs. He said he wanted to talk to you."
I sighed but nodded. "I'll be down in a minute."
When I got down, Ryan was waiting for me in the garden. But it wasn't enough to calm me.
"Big day," he said as I stood beside him, resting our upper bodies on the rails. "I don't remember when last we had this much fun."
I only responded with a nod, lowering my gaze to the floor.
Finally after a few moments, he came up with a response that I was not expecting, "It felt… nice." "Like we were a family. Just the three of us."
I didn't like the feeling I felt after he said what he said. I knew what was coming next, and it was not something I wanted to experience.
"But don't worry," Ryan said quickly, as if sensing what I was about to say. "Well, I'm not going to ask you out or anything like that. Not now. I know you're not ready."
I sighed in relief, however, the relief did not linger for very long.
"I just wanted you to know," he said quietly, "I will wait for you. However long it takes. I'm not going anywhere."
I forced a small, tense grin on my face. "Thank you, Ryan. That means a lot."
He looked at me carefully, as if pondering his next words, and then spoke. "Can I ask you something?"
I nodded hesitantly.
"Why not me?" he exclaimed, not angrily but with defiance and pride. "Am I not good enough? Not—"
"Stop," I said confidently raising my hand hoping he would understand that it's not what I wanted. "It's not you, Ryan. It's just… I still cling onto some memories that I once had of LJ's dad."
He understood and then inclined his head. "I get it. I do."
He smiled again, though his smile was much smaller this time around. "I'll wait. For whenever you're ready."
I immediately went to my room after Ryan left the house. I entered into the bedroom and sat on the bed. I could not stop seeing the boy's face in my mind. I distinctly recall every single aspect of him and his behaviour.
He looked like LJ. No, it was not merely that he had resemblance to LJ; he was actually his clone in all aspects.
I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened and my eyes welled up with tears.
I sat in front of the laptop for several minutes before opening it. My fingers were on the keys, and soon, I was typing "Lucas family."
I realised that I should not be engaging in it. I knew it was a bad idea. But the desire to learn more, the desire to know, was simply too overpowering to be suppressed.
I was just about to hit enter when I stopped.
Then I close the laptop as if that way I would be able to make the pain disappear from my heart.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't go seeking him out, not when it would only bring more chaos to my door. If I pushed it too far, it could stir things up and I couldn't risk loosing LJ.
But the boy's face… his eyes, his hair, his everything… How could I forget?
I tried to dry my eyes with my hands but my tears were still falling abundantly. I knew I had to let it go and forget what I saw today.
That boy was my son. But despite my efforts, I could not erase my memory of him.