Time passed quickly since that day, the day I discovered the truth of this world, the truth that it is a reality that shows no mercy to the hopes of those who possess nothing else. I believe most children born homeless like me see this truth early on, and I don't think many of us can accept living honestly in it. That's why many steal and beg, while the unlucky ones die before anyone realizes they exist. But I don't want any of those choices. I don't want to become a thief who deceives people and lives off what he can take from them; that's despicable. And I don't want to become a beggar pleading for help from people without pride, for if my pride goes, my soul goes with it, and I would remain a parasite depending on the merciful hearts of people to live, and these aren't many anyway. And death is the last thing I wish to come, not now, not after my mother saved me from the weight of the snow when I lost the desire to live and gave me a new chance at life.
I don't know if anyone has realized this, but I'm certain that other creatures besides humans, those who cannot express themselves in words and live constantly under the weight of our feet, actually possess the most tender hearts, the most merciful souls, and the purest ones. The peaceful creatures we see around us like dogs and horses, the predators we fear like bears and wolves, and the silent ones that stand tall without movement like trees and even rivers that flow without stopping (they don't necessarily need to breathe to have souls). If people tried to understand them all, they would realize how pure they are and perhaps could break down this wall that separates us and distinguishes humans, crowning them kings of the earth. It's different for me, as I love nature and try to immerse myself in it instead of controlling it, and in return, it welcomes me with open arms and wide embrace. No matter how frightening the creature, I can communicate with it silently so it becomes gentle and doesn't harm me. Living in the forest is easier for me than living in the city, and most people, if not all, cannot live there like I can. Fortunately, the capital sits in the middle of a giant forest, large and sprawling, surrounded by forest trees from all sides, so I can live in the forest and go to the city so I don't forget how to easily communicate with people. For as much as I love the forest and nature, I remain human needing peers, otherwise I would become a ghost living alone amidst the green cover, and I don't want that.
I started looking for a family for myself and abandoned my illusory hopes of finding my real parents. I don't know if they are looking for me or waiting for me or even alive in the first place, but I won't wait for them and won't attach false hopes to finding them. Their role is over for me. And now I have a family as I dreamed of on that day when I buried my mother and siblings, three brothers and one sister.
After two years since the family was complete, finding work became easier; we now appear to be eleven or twelve years old, as Colin justified. We're still children but with stronger bodies than when I first met each of them. Why did I choose them specifically? I don't know exactly, but I follow what my heart dictates, and they trust me. Living in the forest and getting used to it isn't easy at all, and as I concluded, they all had homes they lived in before I found them homeless without shelter. Over time, I could see each one's improvement in adapting to nature. Getting used to the cold river water that only warms for a few weeks of the year, sleeping on grass leaning on our hands without covers or pillows, and moving to sleep on branches or in small stone caves when snow falls and cold winds blow. They got used to all that, confident that the forest is safer for us than the city.
Our situation improved over time, and we now have clothes to wear in winter and others when the weather warms a little. I also managed to master cooking all the dishes Dai knows; he's a genius! Cooking food is my pleasure and passion that I never tire of. Dai and Colin are educated, and they've tried to convince me to learn systematic reading, but I don't see it as useful now. I can recognize letters and read some words that people use in the market, which is more than enough to live now. I don't need to learn to read the difficult words that educated people use in their gatherings, and Sai believes it's better for us to focus on work, at least for now (sometimes he's so strict with himself that we have to force him to rest during work). Rin learned from Dai how to make medicinal herbs for us, and now she's an expert in it and has surpassed Dai in that too. She's also started creating some recipes and uses us to test them as punishment if we fight; Dai is usually exempt from this rule, loyalty to her teacher as she says, which I see as unfair to us three.
We have a dream we're working to achieve, a dream for which we save a small portion of what we earn to make it a reality in the future. We're not ready for it yet, but we'll continue working and endure the hard labor that exhausts our bodies every night in order to achieve it.
Sometimes dreams come to me that wake me before dawn. I don't remember anything from them, all I remember is that overwhelming feeling of my words and their strong impact on what's around me, as if I've lost my humanity. Like that time when the savage security guard killed my family. I can't sleep after those dreams, and the memory of the man with the black hat who gave me my name or my legacy, as he said, always wanders in my head. Is he my father? I try not to think about it and don't want to know his identity. I will ignore anything that hinders this life I'm living now, for I have a family dear to my heart and a dream we must achieve, and this is enough for you, Mateo... more than enough.