They rode out of the mall in a stolen Segway shaped like a unicorn.
It was less of an escape and more of a slow, squeaky glide through the shattered emergency exit doors. Rafael leaned forward as though that would make them go faster, while Stanley waved goodbye to the exploding mall behind them.
Volcanopteryx flapped overhead in lazy, singed circles, occasionally coughing out a puff of glittering smoke.
"You ever feel like we leave places worse than we found them?" Rafael asked, watching the ruins collapse into a pile of flaming tinsel and broken consumer dreams.
"Only if they weren't trying to kill us first," Stanley replied, patting the unicorn's head like a loyal steed.
The mall imploded behind them. A confetti cloud of coupons rained down, sparkling faintly as it caught the sickly green light of the midday sky.
***
[System Update: You have left Skyfall Mall. Entering new sector…]
[Loading: Omicron-Delta. Prepare for psychological instability.]
Rafael didn't like the sound of that. He never liked the sound of things that sounded like they were written by malfunctioning AI poets.
A few miles out, the landscape began to shift. The cracked asphalt and skeletal suburbia gave way to twisted carnival rides and half-sunken roller coaster tracks, as if reality had given up and decided to cosplay as a nightmare.
Neon lights blinked erratically from bent signposts, and the air smelled like burnt popcorn, cotton candy, and mild psychosis.
A welcome sign flickered overhead:
[WELCOME TO SECTOR OMICRON-DELTA "Where Fun Is Mandatory and Consent Is Optional!"]
Rafael squinted. "...That's not comforting."
Stanley adjusted his goggles, which had begun emitting a low, anxious hum. "You haven't even seen the funnel cake spiders yet."
As they continued forward, the road split into three jagged paths: one paved in discarded carnival tickets, one lined with rusting clown shoes, and one that seemed to ripple like liquid taffy.
"Middle path?" Stanley suggested.
"Middle path," Rafael agreed. "Always take the route that looks least likely to scream."
They came to a slow stop at the edge of a massive carnival ground. Giant tents loomed like slumbering beasts. A ferris wheel turned itself lazily in the breeze, even though its central axle was bent at a forty-degree angle.
Music played from somewhere, warped and distant, a music box rendition of "Beat it," slowed to funereal pace.
Colorful balloons floated above them, each one with a different expression painted on. One wept silently. Another grinned with a mouthful of teeth. A third burst spontaneously, releasing confetti shaped like screaming faces.
The air was thicker here. Heavier. The kind of air that clung to your skin like damp velvet and whispered secrets when no one was listening. Rafael felt the hairs on his neck rise.
"We need shelter. Supplies. Intel," Rafael muttered, stepping over a merry-go-round horse with two heads.
"Or funnel cake," Stanley added.
Rafael gave him a look. "We barely survived a mall full of undead retail spirits and you're thinking about snacks?"
"It's how I cope. You get trauma flashbacks, I get fried sugar cravings."
Before Rafael could argue, a voice called out from the shadows.
"Hey! You with the unicorn ride! Are you mad, stupid, or already initiated?"
A figure emerged. She was wearing a ringmaster's coat made of stitched ticket stubs and a top hat that floated half an inch above her head. Her eyes glowed faintly orange, and her smile was the exact shape of trouble.
Behind her, a carousel spun on its own, creaking eerily as the wooden animals snarled and pawed the air. The sky darkened a touch, shifting into a bruised magenta hue.
"Depends on who's asking," Rafael replied, slowly reaching for his waffle iron, still sticky from mall combat.
"Name's Calyx. I'm the last sane barker in this hellhole. Or the first crazy one. Either way, I'm your guide now."
Volcanopteryx landed behind them with a wheeze and a crunch, flattening a cotton candy bush that bled pink syrup.
Stanley held up a hand. "Do you serve funnel cake?"
Calyx winked. "Only if you're brave enough to survive the batter trials."
[New Companion Request: Calyx the Barker of the Broken Midway. Accept? Y/N]
Rafael hesitated. Then tapped "Y."
"Welcome to the show," Calyx said. "Hope you survive Act One."
The tents yawned open ahead of them like gaping maws. Music swelled. A giant clown-shaped balloon in the distance popped ominously, releasing a stream of glitter and bees.
Rafael sighed. "I already regret this."
Stanley grinned. "I don't."
They stepped into the carnival.
Somewhere in the distance, a calliope screeched into life.
The real madness was just beginning.
A puppet show began in one of the nearby tents. No audience, just a dozen marionettes reenacting a battle between a gummy bear king and a licorice hydra. The marionettes turned in unison to stare at them.
"Ignore them," Calyx said lightly. "They're mostly harmless. Unless they start singing. Then you run."
Volcanopteryx hiccuped and belched a small fireball that turned a balloon animal into a rubbery ash pile.
"Where do we start?" Rafael asked.
Calyx pointed to the midway, where an ominous roller coaster clanked uphill without passengers. "That way lies your first test. Don't blink too long. The clowns can smell hesitation."
Rafael took a breath. The unicorn segway gave a mechanical whinny.
They plunged forward.
***