There have been times that I wondered if dad ever hit mom. I knew he never used Bethany as a punching bag, he would never lay a finger on her for that matter. She was always quick to let me know that dad loved her the most and would never lay his hands on her.
She was his prodigy, the smart, beautiful, daughter he wanted. Bethany lived up to all of dad's expectations and more. Not only was she perfect at home, she also helped father run his company as well.
Perfection.
That was what Bethany was.
Then there were the twins. My two beautiful, happy, and carefree little twin sisters.
The twins were safe from him as well.
They are too young, and too innocent. The way that dad loved and adored them proved that he would never lay a hand on them either.
When the twins first came along, I was afraid dad would treat them the same way he treated me.
I did not want my new baby sisters to be treated the way that I was treated. I did not want them to fear being at home, or anywhere near our father like I was.
I wanted to protect them from the evil in the world, especially our own father.
I would get overly protective of them, trying to keep our father away from them. After all, they were infants and could not stand up to a grown man.
But that only got me in trouble, and new bruises. Any time that I would try to keep my little sisters away from my father he would get angry at me and I would be punished by him. Sometimes it was just a smack or a hit, other times it was a kick or I would be shoved down.
After seeing how dad would cater to them, I realized that he would not treat them the same way he treated me. so I stopped trying to protect them, I didn't need to.
As for mom, I really can't say. I never was really able to tell if my father abused her or not.
But I do wonder at times.
She never showed any signs of bruises or busted lips, but mom was always timid around dad. But I am not sure if that is a result of being treated poorly or just her personality trait. She is timid around most men that I have seen within her general area. Because other than dad, mom does not interact with other men. She doesn't cower away from him, like I do, but maybe she is better at hiding her fears than I am.
So either mom is really good at hiding the abuse.
Or there is not any abuse going on.
I am leaning more towards the possibility that she is not being abused. Dad has never been afraid of leaving marks or bruises on me. So why would he worry about leaving any marks on her.
Which proves my point that I am the only one being abused.
There was never any one moment in my life that I can clearly remember as to why I am hated so much by my father. It is as if he does not even see me as his own child.
Which apparently according to my mother that is not the case. She was very clear that he is my father and I should never question that again.
But still as a love starved child, it is hard not to let your mind wander and try and find reason for why things are the way that they are.
I can not help but wonder why I am always unloved, unwanted, and unseen. I am just the burden that is required to live under the same roof as the man that absolutely despises me. I am sure if I just disappeared one day he would not even realize that I am missing. I'm sure my mom would eventually realize that I am missing, but I don't think it would be immediately.
I'm sure after a few days she would finally notice that I am missing.
There is only one way that I have found that helps to keep me off of dad's radar and limits the amount of abuse that I have to sustain.
Staying busy.
That is what I do in order to stay away from dad as much as possible.
Once I became old enough I started to participate in extracurricular activities after school. This helped to keep my mind and body busy. It didn't hurt that it also prolonged my coming home for the day.
I am very athletic.
So naturally I play just about every sport. It keeps me in shape and away from home. But I found out quickly I was really good and absolutely loved volleyball and cheerleading.
So I put more effort in both.
With the sports I have long practices after school, so I'm only home for a few hours before it is time for bed. The less time I spend at home, the less bruises I receive.
I know if you see me at school, you would never have guessed that my life is hell at home. Sure, I probably have more bruises and injuries than most teenagers my age but, I appear to be the young happy teen that lives a storybook life. Living the life most young girls dream of. If only a very clumsy one.
Because that is the way I explain away most of my bruises. Falls or running into things. It does help that I am actually clumsy off the court or field. I am constantly running into door frames, walls, or different objects. As well as tripping over nothing at all. So anyone at school that can see that can easily believe that is how I get most of my bruising. Even if it is not.
I am active in sports, I am one of the top players on our varsity team. I also have the over enthusiastic bubbly personality that most cheerleaders have. I have several friends and am fairly popular in school.