Jin found himself pinned under four very naked women and an overly enthusiastic goat. Don't ask how it got there.
"System, did I… did I break the harem laws of physics?"
Ding! Congratulations, Host. You have successfully activated the 'Massive Meatstick Meridian Mayhem Mode.' Stamina regeneration increased by 400%, shame resistance temporarily disabled.
"Temporarily? What the hell does that even mean?!"
The night before had started innocently—well, relatively speaking, considering it began with Elder Longyin asking Jin to "entertain" some visiting cultivator princesses. He thought that meant dinner. It did not.
"Entertain," in sect-speak, apparently meant, "go make them fall for you so they'll donate spirit stones, sect funding, and their souls."
The first princess had arrived with a fan, three bodyguards, and a list of kinks longer than Jin's character arc. She introduced herself by pulling his pants down and critiquing his technique like a pissed-off Michelin chef.
"You stir your cauldron like a mortal baker. If I don't feel your yang fire within the next ten breaths, I shall be forced to Yelp-review your sect into oblivion."
Jin had panicked and tried to do the Windmill of 10,000 Palms, which was not an actual technique, but he screamed it loudly enough that everyone believed it. The result: his hands slapped body parts like an overzealous percussionist, and somehow he earned a new title—Palm Master of Pleasure Peak.
That should have been the end of it.
But then came Princess Number Two: she was allergic to clothes and morals. She leapt out of her flying boat mid-air, somersaulted naked, and landed crotch-first on Jin's face.
He suffocated. Died. Ascended. Then respawned via the system's Horny Heaven Rebirth Protocol.
"Host, you've now unlocked the Yin-Yang Synchronization Field," the system said. "All women within five meters experience +200% arousal and -70% critical thinking."
"That's… concerning."
"Enjoy your doom, meatpole."
The third princess brought wine. But the wine was actually fermented aphrodisiac made from the tears of widowed succubi. Jin didn't know this until he woke up mid-thrust, reciting Confucius quotes in pig Latin.
He tried to leave. But now all three princesses had chained themselves to his belt.
"Where you go, we go, Meat God," they chanted in unison, slapping their cheeks in a synchronized rhythm that made two passing monks explode from suppressed lust qi.
The fourth princess was supposed to be normal. She wore glasses, carried scrolls, and acted modest.
Unfortunately, she was also secretly a pervert who had written fanfiction about Jin based on spiritual scrying. She had diagrams, illustrations, and one chapter titled "That Time Jin Defiled the Sky."
"Oh. My. Heavens," Jin said. "That's not even physically—wait, is that my butt?!"
She blushed and looked away. "Page 17."
At this point, Jin thought things couldn't get weirder.
Then his sect master barged in.
Instead of scolding him, the old man dropped his robe, shouted "FOR CULTIVATION GLORY!" and backflipped into a hot tub full of jelly.
Jin decided to stop asking questions.
Hours later, panting and nearly spiritually dehydrated, he dragged himself to the system interface like a man crawling through the desert.
"System… water… or lube…"
Ding! Quest complete: "Entertain the Princesses, Ravage Their Dao!" Rewards: 3,000 spirit stones, +3 Charm, +1,000% misunderstanding rate among nearby cultivators.
Then a scroll dropped from the sky. On it, written in divine ink: Reverse Cow Cultivation Technique: Banned by 7 Realms. Use with caution.
"...what the hell did I do?"
Jin stared at the scroll like it was a divine tax audit.
Reverse Cow Cultivation Technique
Warning: May cause spontaneous spiritual pregnancy, uncontrollable moaning qi, and excessive hip dislocation. Use at your own risk. Not responsible for bed collapse, sect scandal, or sudden popularity.
"System," he whispered, trembling. "Did I—did I cultivate with my pelvis?"
Ding! Correction: Host achieved simultaneous dual-cultivation resonance with four yin-attributed princesses while upside down and chanting the Erotic Sutra in reverse.
"That's not even a real sutra!"
It is now. You invented it. Congratulations, Host, you're the founder of the Reverse Cow School.
Jin fell over, clutching his groin. Not from pain, but from fear of lawsuits.
The princesses, meanwhile, were glowing like love lanterns on aphrodisiac steroids.
One of them floated in the air, legs still trembling. "I… I think I saw Nirvana. It looked like your abs."
The one with glasses was furiously scribbling. "Chapter 69 practically wrote itself…"
A young sect disciple peeked into the courtyard and immediately burst into flames. "AHHH! MASTER JIN HAS TRANSCENDED SHAME! THE LEGEND IS TRUE!"
That's when the elder council arrived. Every sect needed their bunch of ancient buzzkills, and the Heavenly Pantheon Sect had twelve. Each looked like they hadn't smiled since the spirit beast extinction of 932.
"Jin Longwang!" one barked. "You have committed sins against the Dao! You have desecrated the sacred training ground with moans, spasms, and… is that whipped cream?!"
Jin stood up, groin-first, and bowed like a gentleman. "Elder Wang, would you believe me if I said it was all for cultivation purposes?"
"No."
"Fair."
The shortest elder picked up the Reverse Cow scroll and squinted. "I haven't seen this since the Succubus Rebellion of the 3rd Era…"
Jin blinked. "You knew about this technique?"
The elder turned pale. "Boy, I was made with this technique!"
A beat of silence passed. Everyone vomited a little inside their mouths.
The head elder finally stepped forward. "This can't go on. You must face punishment."
Jin sighed. "Fine. What's my punishment? No meat buns for a week? Laundry duty?"
"Worse," the elder growled. "You must attend the Celestial Court of Carnal Conduct, defend your actions before the Grand Erotic Judge, and demonstrate your technique before a jury of sex-hating monks."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me, Longwang. Pack your pelvis. You're going to horny court."
---
Hours later, Jin stood in a court made entirely of soft silk, pink lighting, and very judgmental monks. A giant golden gavel hovered in the air, and the Grand Erotic Judge—wearing nothing but a fur cloak and pearl nipple rings—sat upon a throne of vibrating jade.
"Jin Longwang," the judge bellowed. "You have been accused of the following crimes: Overuse of thrusting spirit, reckless moaning, unlicensed pelvis rotation, and unauthorized double-penetration qi interference."
Jin's jaw dropped. "Unauthorized what now?!"
"Silence!" the judge snapped. "Do you plead guilty or… extremely guilty?"
"I—I plead horny but confused?"
"Very well. Present your defense."
Jin took a deep breath. "Your Honor, I am but a humble cultivator with a blessed crotch and a system that thinks with its libido. I didn't mean to start a Reverse Cow Cult—"
"You've got over 800 followers on SpiritTok," someone muttered.
Jin coughed. "Okay, maybe it's more of a movement now, but I swear it was accidental! I only wanted to… impress a few princesses."
"By pelvic alchemy?!"
"Yes?"
The monks booed. The princesses cheered. The judge adjusted his pearl nipple rings and stood.
"I find you guilty of revolutionary perversion and unlicensed ecstasy spreading."
Jin flinched.
"…However," the judge added, "you are also clearly a visionary. Therefore, I sentence you to open a branch school in the Lust Province under the title of… Master Mount-ain."
Jin blinked. "That's… that's not even subtle."
"It's the Cultivation World," the judge grinned. "Subtlety is for side characters."
---
Back at the sect, Jin returned to find a line of female cultivators wrapped around the mountain, all holding wooden signs:
"Train My Dao!"
"Make My Yin Harmonize!"
"Sign My Cultivation Contract (And My Chest)!"
Jin sighed, opened his robe like a reluctant celebrity, and muttered, "Form a single line. No teeth. Bring your own pillows."
Ding! New Quest: Satisfy 108 Maidens of the Mountains. Rewards: Glory, Pain, and Probably Gonorrhea.
"...System. You're the worst wingman ever."
Correction: I'm the best.
Jin hadn't even finished stretching his hips before he was mobbed by a wave of cultivator fangirls, their spiritual energies surging with… lust qi? One of them handed him a jade slip shaped like a peach. It moaned.
He backed away, holding up both hands like a street food vendor caught selling spirit meat without a license. "Ladies, please! One pelvis at a time!"
"Master Mount-ain!" one shouted. "Touch my meridians!"
"I brought my own restraints!" cried another, waving enchanted silk ropes that slithered.
"I wrote fanfiction about you!" sobbed a third. "But the ending was too spicy and burned down my sect library!"
The ground rumbled. It wasn't an earthquake. No, it was worse.
It was her.
Qiu Xiang, the Jade Flame Princess, descended from the skies on a giant spirit phoenix wearing lingerie made entirely of fire qi. She stepped down, flames licking her hips, each footstep making the stone purr.
"Jin Longwang…" she purred, her voice oozing enough seduction to cause nosebleeds in a hundred-mile radius. "I heard your pelvis reached Peak Heaven-Defying Yin Synchronization. I want… a private demonstration."
Behind her, three other princesses from different realms popped up. "We called dibs first, Flaming Thot!" shouted the Frost Empire's princess, her breath turning the air into snowflakes shaped like butts.
The air got tight. Jin gulped.
Ding! New Quest: Survive the Princess Showdown: Battle for the Bedchamber!
"Oh no," Jin muttered. "Not again."
The princesses charged.
Frost Fist of Frozen Foreplay!
Blazing Ass Slap of Eternal Passion!
Whirlpool Wrath: Triple Tongue Tornado Style!
Each unleashed a martial arts move that defied physics and modesty. Jin activated his ultimate dodge skill: Cultivator Coward Sprint (Level MAX).
He bolted.
Too late.
They tackled him midair, forming a tangled, moaning mess that smashed into the side of the sect's Holy Bell Tower, which immediately cracked and let out a deep, disappointed groan.
BOOOONGGGG…
An elder poked his head out from meditation. "Back in my day, we used our fists, not our hips!"
"Maybe that's why your wife left you!" one princess shouted mid-mount.
Ding! Your insult dealt +400 ego damage!
Jin emerged from the pileup covered in lipstick marks, claw scratches, and peach juice. The system was glowing like a smug bastard.
Ding! You have reached the 69th stage of Forbidden Flesh Enlightenment!
Perk Unlocked: Pantsless Prestige — wearing clothes is now optional, but your aura emits irresistible bedroom music everywhere you go.
"Optional? I need pants! I need boundaries!" Jin cried.
But the moment he tried to dress, the robe burst into flames of seduction and fell off. All around him, people swooned. Someone even wrote poetry on the spot:
> Oh, Jin the Naked, Longwang Supreme,
Your hips churn karma, your abs make us scream.
No pants can hold you, no shame can bind,
You thrust through fate, leaving blushes behind…
That was the fifth spontaneous poetry death that day.
Jin ran back to his cave to regroup, only to find it had been turned into a museum.
"THE SACRED BEDCHAMBER OF MASTER MOUNT-AIN!"
There were velvet ropes, tour guides, and a live-action reenactment of his pelvis-based cultivation technique—performed with puppets.
"System," Jin hissed, "who let them in?!"
Ding! You did. You signed a contract in your sleep. With a body pillow.
"What!?"
Also, you're now trademarked. Every time someone moans your name, you earn royalties.
"…I'm both aroused and bankrupt."
That's when the final straw broke—literally. The Celestial Sect of Purity, the most prudish, uptight group in the entire cultivation world, declared war.
Their sect leader, Grand Monk Virtue Unfazed, floated in on a cloud shaped like a clenched buttcheek. He wore thirteen layers of robes, smelled like dried rice, and spoke like a eunuch swallowing chalk.
"Jin Longwang!" he roared. "You have corrupted this world with indecent pelvis movements, lewd breakthroughs, and crotch-based karmic explosions! We shall PURIFY you!"
A hundred monks lined up, forming the Abstinence Array, which glowed like a giant chastity belt in the sky.
Jin blinked. "System…?"
Ding! New Boss Battle Unlocked: The 108 Palm Strike of No-Nut Nirvana.
"System, I swear if I get neutered—"
Ding! Victory Condition: Make the monks climax spiritually before they can suppress your lust aura.
"WHAT KIND OF SHOUNEN HENTAI HELL IS THIS!?"
---
And with his pantsless fate sealed, his pelvis humming with power, and his reverse cow technique maxed out, Jin launched himself into battle like the world's most overpowered stripper-warrior, a divine smile on his lips and an aura of bed-squeaks in his wake.
The world would never be the same again.