I wasn't sure just how much I could trust Matteo, he was still a Gusto. His actions hadn't shown anything to show he was on Damiano's side; from our interaction, I had a feeling he was the culprit behind Damiano's busted lip. He made me feel the least alone I had felt since I was brought here; his voice was reassuring, and despite how similar he looked to his brother, his emerald eyes made him look completely different. They held warmth, unlike Damiano's, who always looked like a cold storm. Since I was locked up here, no one has bothered to help. No one has offered me any sort of help, but Matteo just did, which, even though I was cautious, it still stood for something.
I finally felt like there was someone in my corner, like I wasn't just a one-woman team anymore. It was now us against Damiano.
He had taken me off the machine and the IV. Telling me being hospitalised wasn't going to help me, he said he could tell I was feeling more caged than I probably ever felt.
He wasn't wrong. I've been locked here for days. But I had never felt this way, almost like it was all starting to feel hopeless.
Even though Matteo had left my side for a while now, I still remained in bed. Feeling everything yet nothing at the same time. Numb.
I took a deep breath, gathering the strength to get out of bed. I had to, if I could not get out of bed, how could I possibly fight against him?
I threw my legs off the bed, standing up right.
Thankfully, I didn't have a headache anymore. Everything I felt was mental.
I was more mentally exhausted than anything else.
The moment my legs hit the marble floor, I steadied myself, resting both hands on the bed as I studied myself before taking a first step.
Taking the kinder brother's advice, I walked over to the water myself and poured myself a glass.
Taking slow sips at first, then big gulps all at once when I realised just how thirsty I was.
I dropped the glass and poured myself another glass. Who knew drowning could leave someone feeling this thirsty?
I grabbed the glass of water and decided to take a seat, shaking off the thoughts of drowning. Although it felt like anytime I tried not to think about the failed incident, all I could do was relive it.
The feeling of drowning and being too drowsy from the pills to just sit up, the way everything slipped away while my head was below water. How I felt in that moment right before I went unconscious—
"Well, I'm glad to find you not inside the tub", I heard the familiar voice say. His voice was rougher than usual, like dried-up gravel. His tone was calmer than before, just as calm as he sounded the first day I was here. Only that today, it had a hint of something. Not mischief, not cruelty. I couldn't quite place it.
I hadn't noticed when he walked into the room.
He looked just the same as this morning, I could tell his eyes were assessing me, only subtly. Almost like he was looking for any signs, signs that I'd try again.
If I didn't know better, I'd say he was worried. The dark shadow below his storm colored eyes indicated he had less sleep than I, his hair showed he had been running his hands through it. Something I had never seen him do, and as he neared me, even though not close enough, I could smell him.
He smelled of cigarettes.
"You're free to go", I heard him say. I must have heard incorrectly, though, even though I saw his lips mouth out the words, it was still bizarre to hear those words come from him, so calmly. With a plain business tone, like he had just told me the final settlement amount, or he had just mentioned his plans for a project.
His words made me too shocked to react, so I just sat there, unmoving, looking at him with a questioning eye. He couldn't possibly have meant that, even though there was no hint of humour in his voice, or a hint on his face. It was still unbelievable, coming from him.
"You're free to leave whenever", he said again. This time, he walked over to me, placing what looked like my phone right in front of me on the centre table.
I looked at the phone, then back at him. he didn't seem like he was joking. But I wouldn't know what he looked like when he was trying to make a joke anyway.
"You're free to do whatever you want from now on." his hands were in his pocket, and he had taken steps backward as if giving me space to think through what didn't sound like a done deal anymore, but like an offer.
Then he started to walk away, my eyes followed him across the room, his posture same as always, hands in the pockets of his trousers, and just as he reached the door, he stopped.
I didn't know just how much my heart drummed in my chest until he stopped in his tracks, and it felt like my heart ceased palpitating. Like it was following the rhythm of his steps all along.
"If you do, I'll kill him", he said, not loud but loud enough so I could hear him. My heart dropped.
"I'll kill Logan and I will make your family and your friend's life a living hell", he said this statement then so simply, it sounded too much like law or fact to be a threat from him, it was like he had just decreed how it would be and there was nothing I could do with it.
From shock to anger.
I felt the blood in my veins go from ice cold to boiling hot, my heart going from stopping in its tracks to beating at an abnormal speed.
I wanted him dead at that moment, I didn't know just how much I could wish for someone to die, at least not until now as I stared at him from accross the room, his face completely void of emotions, like this were just a business meeting and he had given the final stay.
I wanted nothing more than to rip him in two, or to cage him up so he would know just what he was doing to me.
"I trust you will make the right choice, Sibel", he said, then left.
Leaving the door ajar, fulfilling the words he had just said, I was free. Free under his terms, under his conditions.
My lungs sucked in air, but the air felt like poison.
My eyes stung, and I didn't know when I screamed, but I screamed, tears streaming down my face as I did so. I felt my body go even weaker, weaker than it ever had.
I still screamed, my throat going painfully sore with every passing second, but I screamed even more.
Letting out every frustration I had felt since I got here, letting out all the anger, sadness, and now even a sense of loss, all came out as a sound.
At this point, I wanted to be under the water again, at least there. No one's life was in danger because of me, because of him.