In the morning, the Lions and Snakes had their first lesson with Lupin. We're supposed to meet a boggart after lunch. I thought, what if someone's fear is werewolves? That would be awkward for Lupin.
Before the practical began, I raised my hand and asked Lupin to let us handle the boggart one by one - you never know what fears people might have. The professor was taken aback, since no one in Gryffindor and Slytherin had thought of this. But my classmates supported me, and he decided to accommodate us. We all went out into the corridor and entered the classroom one by one. Some came out quickly, some never managed to cope, some couldn't hold back a scream... My turn. I enter, Lupin nods toward the wardrobe. I take a couple of steps, and the wardrobe opens. My parents come out with Ksyusha. No, not them! Better show me a dementor! Instead of a spell, I desperately try to remember some other fears, just to get rid of this... Fire flares up around my family, their silhouettes blacken, disappear behind thick smoke. After a few seconds the fire vanishes, and I'm looking at three burned bodies...
"Why, why do I constantly faint in this damn school!" I fumed in the hospital wing, "what kind of stupid tradition has developed?"
Yes, I lost consciousness again and ruined Lupin's lesson, who had to leave the class and drag me to the hospital wing.
As it turned out, there wasn't much point in asking for private meetings with the boggart - when the girls came to visit me, they already knew everything. What a long tongue that werewolf has. No, he probably wasn't telling students. He just blabbed to some teacher in the presence of students. At Hogwarts you could conduct a sociological study: the mechanism of gossip spreading in practice. Though... there was still a point. Children shouldn't have to look at burned corpses. Even if they're corpses of strangers - still nothing good.
I liked Lupin's next lessons. He explained theory in a simplified way, but compensated perfectly by bringing a new dark creature to every lesson. I think they weren't easy to obtain. And you can read theory yourself if you want to. But today is a full moon, today Snape will be teaching the lesson.
Snape told us about werewolves, making quite transparent hints, and assigned a large essay for homework. To undermine a colleague like that - no corporate ethics among current professors! And I thought that in canon he conducted this lesson in revenge for Neville's Snape-boggart. But now the whole school was discussing my boggart, and Snape kept going on about it. Ugh, he needs a good psychotherapist. Or a woman. Though what woman could stand him like this? And Lupin would have taught the werewolf lesson better anyway, and as always - with visual materials.
Today is the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. My roommates and I got up early to beat the crowds. Hannah has been there once before and says there's nothing interesting except a couple of shops. But we want to walk outside the castle, even the most boring village becomes attractive if you haven't been able to go anywhere for a long, long time. We walked through the shops, bought some sweets, I wanted to get something for Harry at Zonko's, but there was just junk like dung bombs and fanged frisbees - couldn't choose anything.
Since my mom is now in touch with Harry's aunt, Petunia signed permission for him, but McGonagall still forbade him to leave the castle grounds. In principle, the right approach, if you believe that Sirius Black is a criminal hunting the last surviving Potter. But it doesn't make Harry any happier.
After the shops, Suse, Hannah and I went to Madam Rosmerta's for butterbeer - the drink is more like Bailey's diluted with milk, so it has a right to exist, but it's only beer in name. Probably could add it to coffee. I'll have to let my parents try it. Then the girls dragged me back to the castle. I would have walked more, just through the streets, haven't been anywhere in a long time. But since a dementor could fly out from any corner now, better listen to my friends.
We returned to the castle by lunchtime and I went to entertain sad Harry in the Gryffindor common room. No one was there except Harry and first-second years, so no one could object to my presence anyway. I gave him chocolate and a bag of Pepper Imps and watched Harry chew another one to breathe out a stream of flame. The younger students liked it too, had to share.
I dragged Harry to walk around the castle.
"Harry, I have an idea. I read that there's a spell against dementors. Expecto Patronum. You can protect yourself with it. And it's very relevant for both of us."
"I still don't understand why only we lost consciousness. Even Malfoy didn't chicken out."
"A dementor makes us remember the most terrible things. It's obvious, Harry, that you've had more terrible things in your life than well-off Malfoy. I'm sure you wouldn't chicken out from his memories either."
"Well... maybe."
"Anyway, now everyone's discussing my boggart. I was the only one who fainted in Lupin's class. So don't worry."
"Hermione, where did you get such a boggart?"
"I'm more concerned about how everyone found out about my boggart, if only Professor Lupin saw it."
"Uh..."
"Yes, I want to say that Professor Lupin has too long a tongue. But he has his pluses. For example, he can teach us the Patronus charm."
"Did you see a fire where people died somewhere?" Harry isn't so easy to distract when something interests him.
"Yes, that's right... it's hard for me to remember, Harry, and please, don't mention it anymore..."
"Of course, Mia, I won't anymore," he promises.
"Should we go to Lupin now or another time?"
"No, let's go now," Harry wants to overcome his fears as soon as possible.
Lupin invites us into his office, makes tea and tells Harry about his parents. Somewhat one-sidedly, but at least something. For Harry, every new fact is worth its weight in gold. The boy asks him about Sirius. Lupin is one hundred percent sure of his betrayal. They had good relationships, Lupin was apparently suspected because he's a dark creature, and he immediately believed that Sirius betrayed his best friend. There's no talk of Pettigrew. Certainty in Sirius's betrayal strangely coexists with idealization of their past friendship. Harry winces - tried to break the vow again. Nothing, be patient a little, sooner or later you'll meet your godfather. Since we stayed late, we decided to start studying the Patronus next weekend.
I haven't written to my parents today yet, so I say goodbye to Harry and trudge to my common room. I go up to the dormitory and see the girls on the sofa torturing my guitar with four hands, trying to play "Cauldron of Hot Love" - one of the popular songs by a local singer. I giggle quietly and tiptoe to my bed, so as not to disrupt the creative process. I climb under the canopy and freeze. On my bed, a rat is looking at the open Marauder's Map. I look at the rat in fright, the rat looks at me. For about five seconds we play staring contest, but I finally unfreeze and lightning-fast cast Stupefy. I trained long to make the wand jump from the holster into my palm by itself. The rat falls like a small statue of itself. I look at the paws - definitely Pettigrew. The map shows the area with the Shrieking Shack. Clear why he needs the map - he's watching for Sirius Black. And that's why he didn't notice me approaching the dormitory, was looking at a completely different part.
The guitar playing stopped, the girls started getting ready for dinner. Hope they don't peek under my canopy just in case. I climb out from under the canopy, carefully covering my greatest failure with the thick fabric.
"Oh, Hermione, you're here already?"
"Yes, just arrived. Remembered I haven't written to my parents today yet. Want to quickly share news before dinner, so I don't drag it out till late," I try to answer as naturally as possible, but feel it's coming out so-so.
"Should we wait for you?"
"No, go without me. I'll join you soon," I smile... as I can.
"Okay, we'll wait for you there."
The roommates leave, and I'm left with Peter and my problems...
But what do I do now? I look at the rat. My pulse shot forward at breakneck speed. I'm completely busted. It's impossible not to understand why I was afraid of a rat I've known for a long time. And why I threw Stupefy at him. Because the rat was with the map. He knows that I know. Plus I have the map, and I can see anyone in Hogwarts. I'm now mortally dangerous to him... which means he's mortally dangerous to me.
He'll kill me. He'll kill me if I just give him a chance to come to his senses. So he shouldn't come to his senses... If I try to turn him in to the teachers, they might not believe me. While I'm trying to prove something, Peter might escape. He's a rat, miss him once and you might not catch him a second time. And if they do arrest him, he'll eventually escape and resurrect Voldemort. With his help, you could help clear Sirius. But... But personally for me, the absence of Voldemort is more important than Black's restored good name. And Sirius can be cleared without Peter, though it's harder. God, I'm a terrible person.
Then I act without thinking, throw Sominous at Peter and another Stupefy on top, trying to put more force into it. I check the map to see if the path is clear. I cast Disillusionment Charms on myself. I take Peter with me and go by roundabout ways without portraits to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. I'm lucky, Myrtle's not there again. Probably swimming with the mermaids...
I close the sink drain, put Peter's body there and turn on the water...
After six minutes the rat suddenly starts growing, no longer fitting in the sink, splashes over the edge and continues transforming until it becomes a heavy man with disheveled gray hair. The man stares at the ceiling with glassy eyes. He's dead. I mechanically approach and feel for a pulse. When it suddenly hits me what I've done, I shriek and jump back a couple of meters. I breathe, try to calm down... I cast a diagnostic spell. Dead. Definitely dead. Completely. In panic I run to the exit, stop, jerk to the side... Finally think to look at the map again. Peter Pettigrew's dot, which was with me all the way from the dormitory, has now disappeared. I killed a person...
The same way I came here, I return to the dormitory. Everyone's still at dinner. I remove the charms and run to the Great Hall.
Oscar for best performance. I managed to sit normally through dinner and evening until lights out, without breaking into hysterics. But in bed it hit me. I killed a person. Killed a living person. I drowned him. Helpless. In cold blood. I'm shaking, I reach into my bag for a Calming Draught, but it barely helps. I remember there's some medical alcohol somewhere in my backpack, could dilute it and drink. Already reached for it, but then realized there's a simpler method. To hell with everything! Sominous!
The next morning I wake up feeling like I did drink alcohol yesterday. What a sight. Thank goodness for Glamour Charms. Today a new terrible thought comes to me. Besides the horror that I killed Pettigrew, I start to fear they'll find me. And what will they do to me then? At best, it's mob justice. At worst - scary to imagine what they might think. Proving he was a criminal is now practically impossible. It doesn't look like self-defense at all. Well, who could have thought Pettigrew would become human again after death? Getting rid of a dead rat would have been easier.
Damn! Damn-damn-damn! What an idiot I am! - I hit my thigh with my fist in annoyance - I should have hidden Peter with the basilisk. Taken a voice recorder and opened that damn chamber. And I just left him like that. How could I screw up so badly...
But it's too late now, now I don't dare return to that bathroom.
At breakfast everything's quiet, the headmaster or deputy don't make any announcements about an emergency at school. No one asks suspicious questions, there's no tension in the air... Could the body not have been found yet? Or did they decide not to inform the students? The uncertainty is killing me.
By dinner I'm completely exhausted from my pacing. And under charms, checking the area with the map, I peek into the bathroom. No corpse. The bathroom is clean and untouched. They found it... took the body away... didn't tell anyone... So there's a secret investigation going on. And I could be finished at any moment. What have I done...
What if Pettigrew survived after all, just lost consciousness? And I just didn't have time to find his pulse? And on the map our dots just merged, and I missed the name? Unlikely, but... What will he do to me then? I can't monitor the map 24/7. I still need to sleep sometime. And a rat can get anywhere.
Either way it's complete crap.
All next week I can't eat normally, can't sleep normally, wake up every five minutes to check the map. Cheering Charms only worked on me when performed by Flitwick. But my own charms instead of light joy caused people to laugh uncontrollably. This spell needs delicate force calculation, and I can't control myself at all. For the first time I blew up a cauldron! How Snape yelled. Ten minutes without repeating himself or catching his breath. Then he stopped, looked more closely and ordered Susan to take me to the hospital wing. And forbade me from coming to the advanced class until I get myself together. It's for the better. If I blow something up in advanced class, it could smear us all against the wall.
In the hospital wing Madam Pomfrey gave me a battery of bottles and hot chocolate. Fortunately, everyone blamed it on the dementors' effects. Everyone knew Harry and I were particularly sensitive.
The school itself was peaceful and serene, as much as possible when those horrible black rags are flying around. And the fact that there was no visible investigation of a wizard's death and nothing was happening at all made me even more nervous.
***
Today in Defense Against the Dark Arts we have a boggart again, since last time not everyone met it because of my fainting. Lupin nods toward the wardrobe, and I slowly approach. Dead Peter comes out of the wardrobe. With the same glassy eyes I remembered. He walks toward me, water dripping from him onto the floor. "Why?" he asks. When he speaks, water also pours from his mouth. "I was a good rat. Why did you kill me?"
I don't know what to answer him. I whisper:
"R-r-riddi-i-culus..."
"Won't help, Miss Granger," Dumbledore stands next to Lupin and looks at me disappointedly. I turn around. Students with frightened faces, Flitwick looks at me with regret, Sprout pressed her hands to her chest in horror...
"It's time for you, Miss Granger," Dumbledore nods to a person standing at the door. He opens it and a dementor glides into the classroom...
With a loud scream I wake up.