Today… is a bad day.
No — scratch that. It's a horrible, miserable, pathetic day.
Why?
Because Baraggan, God-King of Hueco Mundo, Lord of Laziness and Arrogance, announced he's going into one of his famous "hibernations."
And by hibernation, I mean he's gonna park his bony ass on that ugly throne of his, close his hollow eyes, and sleep like a fossil for a week… or a month… or a year. Who knows?
Baraggan time works different.
Normally, I wouldn't care. I'd do what I always do when things get boring — ride Aizen, chase lesser hollows, or stalk random Adjuchas like a lunatic.
But the problem is…
When Baraggan sleeps, his six loyal side-kids get restless.
And by restless, I mean annoying as hell.
Choe Neng Poww.
Charlotte Chuhlhourne.
Abirama Redder.
Findorr Calius.
Ggio Vega.
Nirgge Parduoc.
Those six dumbasses.
They call themselves Baraggan's "favored warriors" or "elite future Vasto Lordes" or some nonsense. I call them what they really are — the Six Dumbasses.
And with Baraggan sleeping, guess who they've decided to "train" today?
Yeah. Me.
Which really means bully the six-meter-tall idiot Adjuchas who can only roar and ride a wolf-dog.
I knew it was coming the moment Baraggan slumped on his throne with a bored yawn and waved one hand lazily, announcing,
"Handle my heir's training while I sleep."
The Six Dumbasses grinned.
I growled.
Aizen whined.
I did what any sensible hollow would do — jumped on Aizen's back and screamed a guttural roar meaning "RUN LIKE HELL!"
Aizen understood perfectly.
WOOSH.
We bolted out of the throne room like a pair of escaped convicts.
But today… fate wasn't on my side.
They were waiting.
One by one, the Six Dumbasses dropped from the ceilings, the walls, the shadows — like bad jokes you can't avoid.
Choe Neng Poww blocked the left path with his wide, ugly grin.
Charlotte Chuhlhourne dramatically posed on a ledge, flower petals swirling from nowhere.
Abirama Redder flexed his wings and cackled like a maniac.
Findorr Calius smugly adjusted his bone mask, pretending he was clever.
Ggio Vega cracked his knuckles, eyes sharp and eager.
And Nirgge Parduoc lumbered into the back exit like a walking boulder.
"No escape today, heir!" Choe Neng Poww bellowed.
"GRUAAAH."
Baraggan's voice — half-asleep — translated from his throne without even lifting his head:
"He says you're all six dumbasses and to get out of his way."
They didn't.
Aizen growled, low and dangerous.
But it was six against two. And even the fastest dog in Hueco Mundo can't dodge six bloodthirsty Adjuchas, each looking for an excuse to clobber me.
So yeah.
Today's a bad day.
I sighed, cracking my knuckles as best I could with these giant clawed hands.
Fine.
If I can't run…
I'll fight.
And I'm taking at least two of these dumbasses down with me.