It was another one of those nights in Hueco Mundo.
Well — it's always night, but this time it felt extra boring.
I sat on a rock, gnawing on a bone.
"GRUOAAAHHH!!"
(Baraggan, sipping sand out of a skull cup nearby, translated: 'Let's go prank Soul Society.')
Grimmjow's ears perked up.
"Oh HELL YES."
Aizen woofed dramatically, standing on a ledge like some edgy anime rival.
Spike o' Sensei, now Baraggan's castle guard, gave us a thumbs up through a window.
Shawlong sighed, already regretting life.
"Fine. But if we get vaporized, it's your fault."
The Four Big Idiots cheered in unison.
Di Roy tried to backflip, landed on his neck.
Our Glorious Invasion Plan:
Break into Soul Society.
Scream.
Eat stuff.
Leave.
No stealth. No strategy. No brain cells.
We opened a garganta, hopped through — and we were in Soul Society.
Random shinigami patrolling.
I screamed.
"GRUAAAHH!!!"
Baraggan calmly translated.
'Prepare for suffering, you badly dressed mortals.'
We went berserk.
Grimmjow tackled a guy into a wall.
One of the Four Idiots punted a seated officer through three buildings.
I bit a shinigami's sandal off and flung it at a child.
+ 5,000 EP for Sandal Toss.
Grimmjow was still an adjuchas, a big spiky panther. He pounced on two squad members, tail wagging.
We were winning.
Until they showed up.
Three captains.
Shinji Hirako: Smug blonde guy with a dumb grin.
Love Aikawa: Buff dude in sunglasses and an even dumber grin.
Kenpachi Kiganjo: Literal war crime with hair.
"Oi," Kenpachi cracked his neck, "what's all this racket?"
I roared.
"GRUAAAH!!"
('We're prankin', idiot!')
Baraggan sighed. "They're prankin', idiots."
Then… we got obliterated.
Grimmjow got punched into a water tower.
Di Roy got suplexed by Shinji.
One of the Four Idiots cried.
Aizen tried to 'woof' seductively at Love. Got drop-kicked into a street.
I tried to bite a shinigami again.
-1,000 EP.
Right. Eating shinigami lowers my EP. Forgot.
+8,000 EP for punching Kenpachi's boot.
But we lost.
Baraggan facepalmed so hard his skull cracked.
"Retreat, you fools!"
We dove back into the garganta, Grimmjow dragging two idiots by their necks.
Back in Hueco Mundo.
We sat in the sand, battered and bruised.
Shawlong groaned. "NEVER. AGAIN."
Grimmjow spat out a tooth. "Best night ever."
Aizen woofed sadly.
I grunted.
"GRUAAAH."
('Let's do it again next week.')
Current EP: 29,034,300 / 100,000,000
-5,000 EP for shinigami munching
+15,000 EP for assorted idiocy
Operation: Soul Society Dumb Raid: Partial Failure.