Kazuya woke up with the strange—and by strange, read *wonderful*—sensation of something soft pressed against his face. And it wasn't just any pillow. No. If it were, he wouldn't be hearing the satisfying sound of soft breathing and the intoxicating fragrance of… cherries?
His eyes opened slowly, the brightness of the enormous living room in his mansion nearly blinding him. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could overshadow the sight he focused on in front of him.
It was a butt. But not just any butt.
A work of art worthy of being displayed in an interstellar mystical museum. A pair of round, perfectly sculpted buttocks, so criminally perky they probably broke at least five laws of physics and a couple of divine rules. Covered by a sexy black lace thong, Ishtar was lying with her arms used as a pillow on the back of the sofa, her legs lazily draped to the side. She was wearing one of his shirts, with the thong clearly visible, as he could plainly see.
Kazuya blinked slowly, his expression that of someone trying to process whether this was real or just another limited-time summer event he'd missed.
"If this is a dream, don't wake me up. And if it's reality, thank you, author of my world."
Forcing himself to look down, with great effort—because tearing his eyes away from that sight was almost against the laws of physics—he came face-to-face with Ereshkigal, the shy and tsundere version of Ishtar. The underworld goddess was nestled against his chest, breathing so softly and adorably, her golden hair splayed over him, her arms clutching his crumpled shirt like a security blanket. There was a dreamy smile on the corner of her lips, the kind of smile of someone having a cute dream… or an absurdly perverted one. With Eresh, it was always an emotional roulette.
Further down, Kazuya felt something tighten around his waist. He looked and there she was: Shuten-Douji. The oni was curled up like a drunken tavern cat, with that mischievous smile and closed eyes. Her lilac hair was a mess, and her breath carried a faint scent of divine alcohol. Her strong arms gripped Kazuya's waist as if he were a luxury human pillow.
But the final blow came when Kazuya realized… there was a massive weight on his groin.
He didn't need to look. Just feeling the colossal softness and the delicious chill coming from there, he already knew.
Skadi.
The queen of the frozen lands was sleeping on him, her enormous breasts pressed against his groin, one arm possessively wrapped around him. Her bluish-purple hair cascaded over the other bodies, and her expression was that of satisfied royalty. He could tell by slightly lifting his head to avoid Ishtar's butt…
And speaking of which.
Kazuya swallowed hard and returned his gaze upward.
It was almost a religious experience. There, at the exact height of his face, so close that a slight tilt of his nose would confirm if the cherry scent was really hers (spoiler: it was).
"This… this breaks the game. No way. Someone give me a skip button or an autosave, please. What even happened last night? After coming back from the afternoon and short night with Rias, I had to deal with making dinner and having fun with Eresh, Ishtar, Skadi, Shuten, and even Shishou with drinks, games, and lots of teasing… memorable moments, and then I ended up falling asleep on the sofa with all of them hugging me…"
Ishtar was breathing softly, her hair spilling off the sofa like a waterfall of seduction, one foot lazily swaying in the air. The position wasn't just provocative—it was an assault on world peace.
He had to slink out with a level of focus not even Toji in combat could match. The first step was to slightly turn his head, with slow movements as if under the effect of *Zawardo*. He managed to escape the range of Ishtar's butt without losing his sanity (mostly). Next, he gently held the love goddess's legs while sliding out from under her, lifting her off him and placing her on the sofa, twisting into a position that required inhuman flexibility—but he was a Dragon, so it wasn't hard.
Only then, after defeating the initial boss, could he move on to the next stages.
First, he needed to move his arms with the delicacy of a ninja heart surgeon. Eresh was hugging him so tenderly he almost felt like a monster for trying to escape, as if he were a child's favorite bunny dreaming of cotton candy and underworld archaeological expeditions. He slid his fingers slowly, freeing the shirt's fabric like he was disarming a magical trap. Eresh mumbled something cute and incomprehensible—maybe "baka," maybe "don't touch my bones." Classic.
Second step: loosen Shuten's grip. And that was practically like disarming a drunken oni with S-rank strength and cat-like attack-mode reflexes. Kazuya held his breath and, with the bodily control of a Buddhist monk who'd watched every episode of *Dragon Ball Super* meditating on a rock, slid to the side like a magical fish.
The oni's arms slipped, still trying to grab him unconsciously, but he used the old "substitute pillow" technique: he placed a cushion where his body had been and hoped it was soft enough. It worked. Shuten purred, still with a drunken little smile.
"Noted: satin pillows, ten out of ten for hug substitution."
The trickiest part came now. Skadi.
The Nordic queen was literally using his abdomen as a bed for her… massive breasts. If he moved too fast, she'd wake up. Too slow, well, something would happen…
He slid like he was channeling the spirit of a ninja squirrel. Skadi stirred slightly, murmuring something, but only snuggled closer to the sofa. One last glance and… mission accomplished.
And when he finally stood up, the sun streaming through the room as if the gods approved of his feat. He stretched on his way to the kitchen, his body stiff as if he'd just emerged from an epic-level dungeon, and opened the fridge.
Time to cook. Because if there was one thing Kazuya knew, it was this:
Hungry goddess women, end of the world.
The fridge glowed like a legendary treasure chest when opened, revealing carefully organized frozen treasures: fresh eggs, bacon with that divine fat aura, and that meltable cheese that turned any dish into a shonen cooking anime happy ending.
Kazuya snapped his fingers, ignoring the slight ache in his muscles from last night. His body complained, but his soul? His soul was at peace. Because now was the time for the sacred ritual: cooking for the hungry goddesses.
With a black apron featuring a flame pattern, he began preparing breakfast. Precise movements, agile hands, as if the ingredients were in turn-based combat and he was the protagonist with action priority.
Pan heated. Bacon sizzling. Eggs beaten with the grace of someone who'd watched every French chef video and pretended to learn something. Kazuya was in the flow.
Then he felt it.
A soft shiver on the back of his neck.
And before he could react, two arms wrapped around his waist, and something—or rather, two very specific and absolutely memorable things—pressed against his back, along with a scent of Celtic flowers.
"Good morning, husband…" came the husky, velvety voice, hot like a challenge and soft like the touch of a spear against the jugular. "Already training your culinary skills before facing me on the battlefield?"
Kazuya smirked. Without needing to look, he already knew. That voice, that tone, that warmth.
"Good morning, Shishou," he replied, keeping his voice steady, even as every fiber of his body screamed maximum focus. "You're stealing my concentration."
She pressed her body even closer, and he glanced at the window's reflection, seeing his shirt on her—a black dress shirt, slightly loose on her shoulder but too short to hide the detail: the edge of a lacy purple thong peeking out among the strands of dark red hair falling over her thighs.
"Oh, sorry," she whispered, like someone who regretted nothing. "It's just cold. And my husband is the best heat source—I found it comfortable."
"You… couldn't wear pants?" he muttered, flipping the bacon as if his life depended on it (spoiler: it did).
"And hide this from you?" she countered, slightly pulling up the shirt's hem, revealing more of the provocative piece. "That would be a waste of a morning view."
Kazuya didn't respond immediately. He was strong. Disciplined. A true veteran of emotional gacha. But even a limited-banner warrior needed to breathe.
"You woke up early…" he commented, changing the subject like a master of escape.
"Couldn't sleep well without your arm around me…" she replied, sincere and slightly pouty. "And also… I wanted to invite you for a training session later. You've been slacking too much. You're turning into a spoiled husband."
He laughed.
"I have class today. Can't skip. Gotta keep up the model student appearance."
Scáthach tightened her arms around him, causing more friction than any man should be forced to endure at six in the morning.
"And tonight?" she asked, like someone offering a demonic contract with added benefits.
Kazuya turned off the stove with a masterful motion and finally turned, meeting her eyes. The kind of gaze that made gods stumble over their own convictions.
"Then… maybe. If I survive math class."
She smiled, proud, as if he'd won a war just by saying that.
"That's why I love you, my favorite student," she said, lightly biting her lower lip, a promise and a provocation in one action.
Kazuya sighed, offering a plate of scrambled eggs and golden bacon as a morning offering.
"Eat this before the others wake up and start fighting over the first piece. Yesterday I almost lost a chair."
Scáthach took the plate, but before stepping away, she stood on her tiptoes and gave a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"I know how to behave, husband. But if you take too long today…"
She turned slowly, the shirt riding up again, as if guided by a fanservice entity, showing off her marvelous butt covered only by the thong.
"…I'll have to punish you for the delay…"
And with that, she vanished through the kitchen, leaving a scent of coffee, seduction, and provocation lingering in the air.
Kazuya let out a tired sigh as Scáthach's lethally seductive aura disappeared through the kitchen door, taking with her the smell of freshly raided bacon and the threat of death by private training. He knew she was probably heading to the dojo to train against wooden dummies and imaginary demons, or maybe to take a shower with the same nonchalance as someone invading his kitchen in a lace thong.
He looked at the counter.
The table was full. Plates covered with clean cloths protected eggs, extra bacon, grilled tomatoes, and waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, because Ishtar had the kind of ego that demanded a decorated breakfast. Kazuya shook his head, resigned, and grabbed a large glass. He tapped the iced coffee dispenser, the precious black nectar pouring with the sound of liquid redemption.
Sitting on the high stool, he set the mug aside and swiped his finger through the air.
*Plim.*
The holographic interface appeared in front of him, translucent as always.
**[Saint Quartz: 12/100 (daily recharge)]**
**[Would you like to perform a summon? [Yes / No]]**
Kazuya took a deep breath.
"Alright… time for the ritual. May Okita's hands bless me. May Ishtar's butt inspire me. And may the author not screw me over."
He clicked the summon button.
*Plim.*
A golden glow cut through the kitchen. The digital sound echoed.
**[You received: Medb's Panties]**
Silence.
A moment of pure, absolute disbelief.
Kazuya stared at the screen. Then blinked. Then looked again.
"You've gotta be kidding me."
The description appeared below, as if the system insisted on trolling him.
**[Description: Queen Medb's favorite panties. A max-affection item. Can be used to provoke civil wars in unstable harems.]**
He rested his forehead on the counter, letting out a desperate groan.
"I should've known. The gacha never forgives. The RNG is a cruel god, thirsty for others' suffering."
If Medb were summoned and found out about this, she'd probably demand he help her put them on personally. And that… that was the kind of side event that cost sanity points.
"Bad luck's back, confirmed. It's official. The Cursed Gacha Era has begun."
He took a deep breath. Shook his hands.
"I'm not giving up now. Next!"
He clicked again.
*Plim.*
This time, the light wasn't golden.
It was white. Dense. It sliced through the kitchen like the sound of a katana being unsheathed in a shonen anime during a boss fight.
Kazuya's eyes widened as the notification popped up:
**[You received: Senju Muramasa Model (Saber)]**
**[Description: A modified Class Card containing all of Senju Muramasa's powers. Using it will result in the user inheriting everything from him, including technique execution, weapon knowledge, forging experience, and tendencies for heroic self-sacrifice. Permanent.]**
Kazuya sat in silence for a few seconds.
Then, he set the coffee down, raised his hands to the ceiling, and shouted:
"I AM THE KING OF GACHA!"
The kitchen fell silent.
If anyone had woken up at that moment, they'd probably think he was possessed. But no. It was just the primal scream of a gacha-addicted otaku who'd just pulled an insane SSR after months of bad luck. Fortunately, most of the Servants were heavy sleepers, and the living room was a safe distance away, so no one woke up.
He grinned, that secondary shonen villain smile before heading into a fight.
"Muramasa. My man. Welcome to the party."
The realization hit.
With this drop, he could literally add Senju Muramasa's techniques to his arsenal, cut through concepts, ignore regeneration, and, most importantly… craft the most beautiful swords in otaku history.
"Okay, thank you, RNG-sama. I've forgiven you for Medb's panties."
The notification blinked, offering the option **[Use now]**.
Kazuya clicked without hesitation.
*Plim.*
A golden magical circle appeared at his feet, ancient runes activated, and a wave of warmth coursed through Kazuya's body. He felt his muscles harden, his nerves sharpen, and the knowledge of forging and sword techniques flood his mind. He didn't become a Servant, only inherited the powers of one.
When the glow faded, he looked the same. But inside… he was on another level.
He spun the mug, took a sip of coffee, and muttered:
"Unlimited Blade Works for the win. This world's about to know the terror of a legendary blacksmith…"
His gaze returned to where the screen still showed 2 summons remaining.
He smiled.
Because, of course, no one in their right mind stops rolling after pulling a Muramasa.
*Plim.*
The light of the third summon exploded with a blue and white glow, as if the sky itself had given Kazuya a thumbs-up. He blinked hard as a wave of heat ran down his spine, making the hairs on his arms stand on end, like he'd been hit by an anime school curse that grants superpowers after tripping over a magical girl.
**[You received Personal Skill: Magecraft - Rank EX (All Fate Mages)]**
**[Description: Denotes the user's knowledge of modern Thaumaturgy or Age of Gods Thaumaturgy in all matters at the level of the King of Magecraft, Solomon. At this level, it can be said that no one can compare in knowledge and practice in the modern era, as this skill also represents all spells, enchantments, and rituals the user can employ for combat or casual use. It does not grant True Magic, so don't dream of that…]**
Silence.
Kazuya raised one eyebrow. Then both. Then let out an incredulous laugh.
"Wait… Magecraft Rank EX?"
He rubbed his eyes, as if that would erase the screen. It didn't.
"I just got the full package of Fate mages. Solomon, Zelretch, Medea, Paracelsus, Rin with PMS, high Merlin… Everything."
"I've become the damn Nasuverse encyclopedia. Congrats to me."
The option **[Fuse now]** appeared below. He didn't even hesitate.
"Go ahead, give me that supreme mage Matrix before the gacha decides it was a bug."
In an instant, he felt like someone had dumped the Library of Alexandria straight into his brain. In a moment, he became a version of Solomon fused with all mages of the Modern Era and the Age of Gods, able to use even Magecraft from famous mage families, even magical traits were possible, and more. The only exception was that he didn't possess the Five True Magics beyond the Third, which he'd received long before.
Kazuya opened his eyes slowly. A purple glint flickered in his irises for a second. He felt everything. Every forgotten ritual, every line of enchantment, every manipulation of magical energy since the dawn of human history.
He sat in silence. Only the hum of the fridge and the occasional beep of the microwave filled the space. Even the coffee seemed intimidated.
"Okay. Calm down. Breathe. It's just… all known Magecraft in human history concentrated in me. No big deal. Just waiting for Zelretch to show up asking for interdimensional teleportation spell tips."
And then, the system blinked one last time.
**[1 Summon remaining.]**
Kazuya didn't hesitate. A hero might doubt. A protagonist hesitates. A gacha-addicted otaku? Never.
*Plim.*
And then, the notification popped up.
**[You received Noble Phantasm: Enkidu - Chains of Heaven]**
**[Description: Sacred chains used to bind gods, created to reign over the divine. Strength and durability increase proportionally to the target's divinity level.]**
Kazuya didn't say anything. He didn't need to, only chose to fuse with the absurd Noble Phantasm of Gilgamesh.
The kitchen fell silent as he stared at the screen with wide eyes.
He raised his right arm, and one of the chains slowly spun in the air like a mystical serpent, summoned by a mere thought.
"Chains that bind gods…" he said in an almost reverent tone. "This… this is the mystical equivalent of slapping an 'admin logged in' notice on the server of reality…"
Kazuya slowly closed his fingers, the chains vanishing like golden mist.
The coffee was still there. Cold.
He grabbed the mug, stared at the liquid with a vague smile, and muttered:
"This is gonna be a hell of a lot to explain when someone wakes up and finds me casting Solomon's magic, forging swords, and binding divinities in the bathroom."
He took a sip.
Then looked at the floating screen, which now only said:
**[Thank you for playing.]**
"You're welcome, RNG-sama. Now go rest. You earned it…"
Kazuya finished his coffee like he was savoring absolute victory. It was funny to think that, in a universe where demons existed, divinities roamed in short skirts, and breakfast could be interrupted by attacks from angry Lancers, the most sacred moment of the day was still a sip of iced coffee in silence.
He glanced at the wall clock.
It was 7:30 a.m.
Better start getting ready for school. Kazuya slowly pushed the stool back, grabbed his mug, and gave one last look at the table piled with food. He covered the plates more carefully, sealing them with a quick spell—something simple, just to keep the temperature and prevent any Servant from eating someone else's bacon and accidentally starting the Third Morning War.
He walked to the mansion's main hallway, opened his bedroom door with a lazy gesture, and headed straight to his closet.
In the closet, clothes perfectly aligned with the aesthetic of an unlikely anime school protagonist: he grabbed the Kuoh Academy uniform and dressed calmly. His backpack was waiting on the desk. He grabbed it with a wrist spin and slung it over his shoulder, leaving the room and heading toward the mansion's exit. In the hallway, he passed the marble staircase leading to the lower floors. The main entrance loomed as imposing as ever, flanked by columns and windows reflecting the clear morning sky.
He opened the door, glancing toward the living room where his Servants slept sprawled in every direction. A faint smile crossed his lips before he turned and stepped outside.
The world outside was calm. The morning breeze danced among the leaves of the trees surrounding the property.
He vanished into golden particles, using Medea's *Tροψα (Trofa)* spell, a Spatial Transportation magic that mimics the True Magic governing teleportation. It's described as being pulled out of the third dimension, dragged through multiple dimensions, and finally thrown back into the original dimension, but in a different location.
In his case, that location was a lonely alley near Kuoh Academy. He stepped out whistling, walking casually toward another day of school.
__________________
Hey everyone! I know it might seem like the protagonist has gained a lot really quickly — maybe even feels like one of those "OP without effort" types — but hold on! There's a reason behind everything, and the development is being carefully built up.
In the chapters already available on Patreon, the main plot twist is slowly being revealed. These events already mark the point where Asia would normally appear in the original High School DxD story, but this initial arc will be very different from what you know.
What's coming will change a lot — so if you enjoy a good twist and want to follow the story before anyone else, be sure to check it out on Patreon!
Patreon: patreon.com/Adam_Kadmon
Thanks for reading and supporting!