The sun was still hiding behind soft clouds when we arrived at the popular aquarium in the city.
To be honest, I haven't been to one since I was a child so I was probably as excited as the other kids that I brought.
Luc arranged everything. Exclusive access. No other visitors. It must have cost a fortune, but I suppose the Roen Group could afford it. It was a perk that came with seemingly infinite amount of wealth, but at the same time I kind of felt bad about other kids who might have visited today only to be turned away at the door.
Cain drove the transport vehicle. Abe handed out snacks like an overexcited elder brother. I sat sandwiched between an energetic boy who couldn't sit still and Bada. She sat quietly to my right, hugging a small stuffed shark, patting its head occasionally.
The inside of the aquarium was serene. Water refracted through curved glass tunnels that arched above us. Blue shade cast on children's smiling faces as they marveled at the magnificent sight of ocean life transported to the city.
Bada clung to my sleeve as we entered the main hall.
"There are over two hundred species here," she whispered, eyes wide. "Some of them are endangered."
"You sound like a tour guide," I smiled.
"I watched the documentary five times."
Of course she did.
The first tank was filled with jellyfish. Ethereal, translucent, pulsing. The children ran from tank to tank, squealing at each new discovery, but Bada lingered. She pressed her palms to the glass and it followed the motion of the jellyfish as if she was trying to communicate with it. .
"They're older than dinosaurs too," she said softly. "No brain. No heart. But they live. Isn't that amazing?"
It indeed was amazing, and made me wonder what such a life would be like to live.
Later, we reached the deep-sea tunnel. The children scattered again, running ahead through the transparent path that cut through a massive tank filled with rays, sharks, and massive fish that moved like ancient gods.
Bada, who had been fascinated by everything but rather quiet so far, finally lit up as she saw a shark and shouted, squeezing my hand.
"Shark! Shark!"
I squeezed her hand tighter too and walked closer to the surface of glass tunnel to get a good look at it. Bada had springs in her steps, almost skipping rather than walking. When we got to as close as we could, she held up the shark toy she brought, trying to convince the fearsome creature that she was a big fan. The shark swam by, very close, and Bada was sure that it smiled. I nodded with a smile to confirm to her that the shark did indeed acknowledge her.
After spending a long time standing there watching the shark pass us by a few more times, we returned to the center of the tunnel to look at other sea animals too.
As other kids were moving on to the next section led by Abe, Bada resisted my gentle pull on her hand. A gliding manta ray cast a shadow across us.
"I like watching them more," she shook her head.
"Sure thing. Let's spend some more time then."
Cain stood some distance away, keeping a keen eye yet giving us enough privacy for this shy girl to feel comfortable. He did look pretty scary after all.
"You know a lot, Bada," I praised her.
"I read a lot. But I don't talk much with others."
"I was like that too."
She turned to look at me. "But you talk now."
"Sometimes."
"And people listen to you?"
I looked at her. She wasn't being mean. She wasn't even looking for a reaction. It hit a tender spot in my heart. She was fine being alone. She had her hobbies, interests, and she could find comfort in immersing herself in these activities with no interruption from others. Yet, there was this longing. I knew it well. The hypothetical question that always returned - What if I had a friend to talk to? What if I had someone who could understand?
But I didn't answer. But I put my arms around her and gently hugged her. She squeezed me and hugged me tight.
After that, we continued our tour. Exploring all corners of the expansive aquarium.
At some point, uncharacteristically - and without any expression on his face, Cain went around to give everyone ice cream.
Even me.
Once we finished our adventure and entered the souvenir shop, Abe made every child erupt in cheer that they can all pick one item each and we will buy for them. I was immediately concerned because I did not bring my wallet, but it turned out Abe didn't bring it either. Eventually, Cain ended up paying for everything and I finally saw an unfiltered emotion cross his face as he glared at Abe.
We stood outside the aquarium feeling fully satisfied. The sun was lowering now, casting soft gold on everything. It was peaceful. A pure bliss.
As we gathered the children for the ride back, Bada tugged at my sleeve again.
"Can I draw you later?" she asked.
"Me?"
"Yeah. You and the manta ray. I want to put you in the sea."
I smiled. "I'd like that."
Cain counted the children one by one as they got into the vehicle. Abe took selfies with three of them, managing to photobomb his own photos somehow.
Bada sat with me again on the bus. She was exhausted from all the joy she'd experienced for the day. She leaned her head on my arm and fell asleep.
I was exhausted too.
But happy.
Genuinely happy.
I had found something real in the midst of the mad illusion I was living now. For a while I felt like I was living in a glass cage. A massive, expensive, and luxurious glass cage of lies.
But maybe, if I could be the shark that could make Bada happy, if I could be the manta ray that could inspire drawings, and if I could be a jelly fish with no brain and heart but still bring joy to everyone, perhaps being in this glass cage wasn't too bad.
Feeling Bada's soft and warm breath against my arm I told myself - maybe I can't change so easily. Even if I could, maybe it would never be enough. But how I felt now, the feeling of bringing something good to people, helping children make happy memories they can look back on - it gave me a motivation to do better, be better.
I would remember this day.
Forever.