"--Finally, I realized."
When Subaru woke up, the sunlight was leaning heavily towards the west.
Halfway up the cliff - the place Subaru had reached on his first fall, was a gaping opening where the forest ended.
In the midst of the melee with the beasts he hadn't had the time to notice, but now that he was in a place where he could see the sky, a sense of relief washed over Subaru for some unknown reason.
It was probably the illusion of not being surrounded by trees and being able to escape from the feeling of being trapped. Even though the state of the dead end should still have remained unchanged, a self-centered hope emerged that something might have changed.
"I wonder what would happen if I said something?"
"...somehow."
"He's boring and old-fashioned, with a dull face and no way around it."
Spitting out this harsh remark, Beatrice stroked her long, luxurious curls.
Her usual dress looked extremely out of place on the steep cliff face, as if her body had been pasted onto a landscape painting after the fact.
"...I can't imagine going outdoors in that outfit."
"Betty didn't want to walk through the dirt-smelling mountains either. If you hadn't run off to a place like this, there would have been no need for me to go there."
Beatrice said this with a look of disgust as she brushed the hem off her skirt.
Subaru frowned in confusion at what she said, and then he belatedly realized something.
The wounds he had sustained had almost all healed, leaving only traces such as bloodstains and ripped clothes.
His left wrist that had nearly fallen off, the lacerations on his right arm that even exposed the bone, and his right leg that had been so bad it felt as if it had stopped moving - everything was back to normal.
"There were too many of them to erase the scars. I guess I'll just have to accept that it was the result of my own incompetence."
If one looks closely, one can see vestiges of the wounds caused by the fangs in various places. However, they have almost faded and are only visible in bright places, and most importantly, it seems that the person doesn't care enough about their appearance to worry about the scars.
Honestly, it's a great relief to have my wounds healed.
"Why..."
"I wonder what it is."
"Why did you help me? I..."
--Even though he can't confide anything to Beatrice, who had signed the contract with him.
Subaru was at a loss for words, and Beatrice snorted with a familiar look of exasperation. Then she shrugged her shoulders,
"The contract Betty made was to protect your safety. If that person were to die in a horrible, bloody mess, wouldn't that affect Betty's reputation?"
"I thought it was something like that until this morning..."
"If you have the time to nitpick, why not go and scratch the same spot again? Do you have a nice target to aim at?"
"I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive me."
He bowed deeply and rubbed his head against the rock face, dealing with Beatrice's quiet rage.
In any case, despite the teasing, she――
"Are you still going to honor your contract with me?"
"A contract is a contract. It's valid until one of us falls. … Thinking about it like that, I wonder if it was a mistake not to properly set a deadline."
Beatrice seemed to be completely intent on brushing off Subaru's earlier nitpicking, as she acted as if she had forgotten about the period Subaru had mentioned.
Beatrice had a strong impression of being a foul-mouthed, difficult-to-get-along girl, but Subaru was suddenly touched by the compassion she displayed.
Subaru was at a loss for words as his emotions welled up inside him.
Beatrice watched as Subaru went silent, and without noticing the change in his expression, she pointed her finger in his direction,
"By the way, there was something I needed to ask you."
"...What is it?"
I instinctively tense up because I am wary that depending on the content of the question, I might be forced to come into contact with the black mist.
However, what came out of her mouth was unrelated to Subaru's fears,
"Betty healed the wound, but... did she defeat the person who inflicted it? Or did they get away?"
"...? By scar, do you mean the one from that black wolf? In that case..."
He slowly approached the edge of the cliff and pointed down to Beatrice.
At his fingertips, the corpse of a wild animal was lying in the same place. Beatrice, standing next to him, confirmed it and nodded,
"Is that the only opponent?"
"If there had been more than two, I would have been bitten to death twice as fast."
It was pure chance that I was able to bury one of them like that.
If they had attacked in a swarm, there would have been a cartoonish cloud of dust, and when it cleared, beautiful Subaru skulls would have been lying around.
Beatrice touched her chin and closed her eyes for a moment after hearing Subaru's reply. Then, she immediately shook her head in understanding,
"I don't sense any presence around me, so he's probably a stray. If you just happened to come across him having escaped the barrier, then your luck is pretty bad."
"I was starting to suspect that I might actually be a bundle of bad luck."
It feels like all the misfortunes in my life are weighing on me at once.
Even if we are guaranteed that nothing unfortunate will happen if we get through this, I would like them to increase the amount in small increments if possible.
Ever since coming to this other world, the only memories I can remember vividly are those that are painful.
At the same time, there must have been some happy moments.
Feeling something effeminate tingling deep inside his memory, Subaru lowered his eyes to hide his expression. However, Beatrice paid no attention to Subaru's sentimentality,
"Otherwise... well, I guess it's pointless to even think about it."
"What's the matter? I don't like it when you're convinced of something on your own. I want to see, hear, and touch that truth you've realized."
"It's just one more thing you can't change. I think you should worry about what to do next."
Pushing Subaru away as he approached, Beatrice once again clearly blocked Subaru's escape route as he was searching for one.
As if to add insult to injury to the silent Subaru, Beatrice folded her arms and,
"I tell you, Betty, this is as far as you can go. You can't get a chance to go back to the house and explain yourself to the older sister. If you had the chance, you threw it away."
"I am...!"
If I could say it, I would have shouted that I did.
If it weren't for those restrictions that felt like they were crushing his heart, Subaru would have let it all out and begged for forgiveness.
That there was nothing that could heal Ram's heart. That Subaru was also a victim, swept away by the helpless situation.
He wasn't even allowed that, so he ran out here, got attacked by a wild animal, and ended up crawling for his life.
"Am I an idiot? ...No, I'm an idiot."
I also tried to use the situation as an excuse and turn a blind eye.
Subaru had repeatedly used pretense, excuses, defenses, and self-preservation, and had come to the brink. It was proof that he had been driven into a place with no way out, both in a practical sense and in a psychological sense.
I keep running, running, running, running, but which way are my feet pointing now?
"I can't go back, why did you...?"
"He's so fickle. If he doesn't die somewhere out of sight, Betty's dreams will be disturbed. --But if he's still hesitating at this point, I don't think there's much hope for that."
All kindness is wiped away and the words are cut with only harshness.
Beatrice's gaze was dry, as if she was looking at something trivial, and Subaru unknowingly began to gasp.
"If I choose to run away..."
"I'll at least help you avoid being found by the people at the mansion. Where you go after that is up to you."
It may sound blunt, but it's probably his true feelings.
Beatrice never goes back on her word, which was clear from the fact that she had come all the way to the mountains to search for Subaru, and then refused to abandon him when he crouched there like a girl.
Surely, if Subaru chose to run away, she would approve.
This was not out of consideration, but out of indifference, taking into account the terms of the contract.
But if—
"What would you do if I said I wanted to talk to Ram?"
"...It's useless. Your older sister doesn't have the capacity to listen to you anymore. No matter what you say, she won't listen, and she won't believe you."
In response to Subaru presenting a different option, Beatrice lowered her eyes, which was unusual for her.
The image that comes to her mind is of Ram, who Subaru had left behind in the mansion, crying out in resentment.
What had she been like after Subaru had fled? Judging by Beatrice's current attitude, it seemed like he was hesitant to ask.
Seeing Beatrice remain silent, Subaru looked up at the sky and pondered his own foolishness.
That moment, that place, was a watershed moment.
Subaru should not have run away from that place. Even if he was not prepared to endure the pain, he had to face Ram.
The opportunity was missed, the chance to connect was lost, and once it had slipped through your fingers it would never come back.
The gap that has opened up between them is so deep and wide.
"The older sister endured for her younger sister. And the younger sister lives for her older sister. Without either of them, the two sisters would not be enough."
A melancholy girl's voice cuts through the silence.
As Subaru lowered his gaze, Beatrice played with her own luxurious hair,
"If either one is missing, it will lose its function. Considering how strange she has become, I doubt her sister's will last long."
"So what does that mean? What do you know...?"
I feel like something outrageous is being tweeted.
Subaru approached Beatrice with such force that he almost grabbed her, and tried to question her about the true meaning of what she had just said. However,
"Humans are arrogant, have big attitudes, and have bad habits and bad looks."
Taking his hand, Beatrice's body spun as if dancing. His legs became entangled as he was caught up in her spinning movements, and before he knew it, he had landed on his back on the ground. The impact forced the air out of his lungs, and Subaru groaned, opening his eyes wide.
"There's no going back. When I think about it like that, I have some thoughts. Although, I guess Betty doesn't have the right to say that."
"You think you understand everything on your own... Stop acting like you're such a big shot. You're just vague about what you're talking about and acting like an important person, dammit."
Was he enjoying watching the other person's reactions as he gave out information in small doses? Subaru cursed at his poor taste. However, Beatrice shook her head,
"You are the one who only lived four days - and what's more, you haven't even met face to face with someone. What good could you do even if you did know? Don't force your self-centeredness on me. You have no further involvement with that mansion."
"I didn't say anything..."
Just as he was about to say that he didn't know, Subaru's mouth trailed off.
The man known as Natsuki Subaru had been confined to his room ever since he'd woken up in the mansion, a suspicious character who hadn't even had a proper conversation with Rem until this morning, the day she'd died.
At the very least, in Beatrice's eyes, that's the kind of person Subaru was.
But even if he did tell her about the past ten days that Subaru had experienced, what would it gain from that?
Looking back on those ten days, what could Subaru have learned about them?
Right now, with Beatrice looking down at him with a stern gaze, Subaru wondered if he had gained anything from those two that would enable him to argue back.
"In the end, I was the one who was making a fuss on my own, without knowing anything, without understanding anything..."
--You don't know anything.
There was no mistake in what Beatrice said.
Subaru knew nothing. He didn't know anything. He had wasted every chance he had and drifted here with nothing but the clothes on his back.
Sprawled out on the ground, Subaru covered his face with his hands and looked into the darkness.
In the pitch blackness of the room, all he could remember were the peaceful days he had spent at the mansion. Those days were shattered into pieces, and Subaru's heart was also shattered.
"You'll need to follow the boundary line as you go through the forest, making sure not to touch the barrier. If you make it to the road on the other side of the mountain, it should be difficult to walk to the village."
Implicitly, Beatrice was saying that she only intended to look after him to that extent.
In the truest sense, her contract was simply about ensuring Subaru's safety within her reach. If there was no factor to do with her beliefs, then the fact that to her, Subaru was nothing more than a stone on the side of the road would not change.
Beatrice began to walk around, as if searching for a safe spot to climb down the cliff, and absentmindedly stood up to follow after him.
I'll leave the mansion, forget everything, and run away to a faraway place. I don't know if I can survive, but it's a life I've found after so much hardship. I'll cherish it, I'll cherish it.
"--And you acted like you didn't hear all those cries?"
The words that came out of his mouth made Subaru clutch his chest and clench his teeth.
I heard a voice filled with hatred. A howl of resentment followed after me. A scream full of curses rang out, yelling, "I'll kill you!"
But wasn't the child crying before that?
Something that should have been shattered was crying out in Subaru's heart.
"Hey, I'm thinking something stupid..."
Subaru's throat trembled. He felt his stomach tighten. A shiver that made his skin goosebumps spread throughout his body, and as he stood there, his breathing became sharp and rough.
When I think of stupid things, I think to myself.
It's a ridiculous idea. It doesn't make sense at all. It doesn't add up, and it's obvious when you consider the disparity between the advantages and disadvantages.
"You don't need to be an idiot to think about it. Of course it is."
--Is that really okay?
"Of course it's fine. Three cheers is a blessing if we're alive. All is well in this world."
I shake off my doubts and try to step forward.
But my feet don't obey the commands of my brain. I stop there and am forced to answer the question.
A question from someone else. A question from within yourself.
--Is that really okay?
"So, of course it's fine..."
--What do you mean, that's okay?
Subaru couldn't find the words to answer the question that was asking him inside. Meanwhile, the voices kept asking more and more questions, pleading for him to provide answers.
--Is it okay if I can no longer be involved with that place?
--Is it okay if I can no longer interact with those people?
--Is it okay to just leave the people we left behind in that place?
--Is it really alright to just shake off that crying girl over there?
--Can you give up on the future that was supposed to be there?
"---"
The risk is too low for the potential reward.
High risk, high return is clearly the most unlikely option in Subaru's life.
In the first place, the moment something was put on the line, it was safe to say that, given Subaru's way of life, it was a defeat.
Without getting too involved in anything, without making any choices, just going with the flow.
That's how I've lived, and it would have been good if I could live that way, so why not continue doing the same in this world?
"After all that hard work... that's right, after all that hardship, it was a life that was finally rescued."
Turning a blind eye to the bonds he had formed, betraying the warmth that was surely there, and even brushing aside the divine mercy that had come to him in the place he had fled to, if that was the conclusion he had come to in the end, then surely he had been nothing more than a clown this time?
"No, it's not even funny, so being a clown is much better."
What value does a clown have when he behaves ridiculously and can't make anyone laugh, let alone himself?
Subaru doesn't understand, and he doesn't want to understand.
"That's right. This is a life I managed to save. So..."
He took a breath and looked up.
"---I'll decide how to use it."
His conflicting feelings came together, and Subaru's will was unified.
Suddenly, a cool breeze ruffled his bangs, and Subaru narrowed his eyes at the tickling sensation. In the distant sky, the sunset was setting, painting the world orange as it sank.
The fifth day sun, which I had been hoping to see so much, was disappearing towards the end.
As he watched, Subaru finally remembered.
Why had he been looking forward to the sun so eagerly?
"--- I wonder if it will go down."
Beatrice suddenly muttered in a low voice and circled around towards Subaru.
She raised her hand to stop Subaru's movements, and her adorable features were deeply etched with a look of caution as she glanced around.
"Bea..."
"Shut up."
The question was immediately dismissed, and Subaru's gaze wandered around, trying to find the cause of her wariness.
It is unclear what Beatrice is feeling, or what she is wary of.
Therefore, it was pure chance that Subaru found it first.
"ーーRam."
The pink-haired girl the murmured pointed out spotted Subaru and smiled sweetly.
Her figure was high in the sky, at the top of a large tree. Ram was using the thick branches as a foothold, supporting herself with her hands on the trunk.
Her gaze met Subaru's, and in that moment, he gasped, as the ground scraped away, sending up a cloud of dust all around them.
"Grrr!"
Subaru reflexively covered his face as the raging earth and sand blew over him, and when he timidly lowered his arms after a few seconds, all that was left before his eyes was a semicircular carved-out rock face.
The destructive power of that phenomenon sent chills down Subaru's spine. It wasn't the fear of imagining what it would be like for him if it hit him.
-- He remembered how he had felt when he received it and shuddered.
"That time..."
Last time, Subaru was fleeing through the mountains while being chased by Rem. His right leg was blown off and, in the end, his neck was gouged out with a single blow.
The invisible slash, and the identity of the person who unleashed it. He had never given it much thought, but
"It took two people..."
I felt as if the lump that had been building up inside my chest had suddenly fallen away.
It may have been a silly thing to say, but what Subaru felt at that moment was a sense of loneliness that she had indeed given up on him, as well as an inexplicable sense of relief.
Subaru tilted his head in confusion at the relief he had found.
After all, it's only because of the two of them that they are together, such inappropriate sentimentality.
"I found her. I wonder if that girl's clairvoyance is a problem."
"Clairvoyance, huh..."
It was an ability with a grand name, and one Subaru liked.
Just as Beatrice's serious tone indicated, she moved swiftly from there. Ram bent down and slid down from the trunk of the great tree.
Landing with considerable force, he maintained that momentum and sprinted, leaping in one bound to Subaru's foothold halfway up the cliff - and they had arrived.
"I finally found her. I didn't expect that Lady Beatrice was still with you, though."
Ram spoke with a sparkle in her eyes, as if she had faced her hated enemy.
Seeing her young features contorted with hatred, a pain swept through Subaru's heart.
She was wearing her usual maid outfit, but her usual neat and tidy outfit was now unrecognizable.
Her skirt was riddled with holes, the white prim on her head had disappeared somewhere, and her pink hair, which was supposed to have been neatly arranged, was now disheveled and had lost its grace.
--The two of them helped each other with dressing and hair care.
Subaru knew that too. He remembered hearing that said that at some point.
There are a few other things I know.
"Stand back. By contract, Betty will protect this person. Even if the other person is you, I will show no mercy."
"Beatrice-sama, please move out of the way. I too cannot go easy on you, Beatrice-sama."
"It's a funny joke. Did he tell Betty to go easy on him?"
"Lady Beatrice, you must have forgotten that this is not inside the mansion. The Forbidden Library is far away, and in the middle of a forest—are you confident that you can protect this gentleman from Ram under these conditions?"
In front of the silent Subaru, the two girls continued their fierce wariness.
Beatrice's reaction, narrowing her eyes in frustration, made it clear that Ram's hardline attitude was no bluff.
Beatrice's strength is limited, and it's true that Ram has the advantage under these circumstances. Still, Beatrice remains steadfast in front of Subaru.
Subaru stood behind her,
"Bzzz!"
She grabbed two gorgeous vertical rolls with both hands and stretched them out as hard as she could.
Let go. The hair bounces wildly, still with a large volume. Bounce, bounce.
"Yeah, it feels really good."
"Wha-wha-wha-wha..."
Beatrice turned around nervously, eyes wide open and lips trembling.
Subaru tilted his head at her and said, "Huh?". And,
"What on earth are you doing?! Do you want to die in a situation like this?!"
"Don't be stupid, I don't have any desire to die. I only want to die once, at the end of my life. I really do believe that."
As he spoke, he pulled Beatrice's shoulder and stepped in front of her.
Standing in front of him was Ram, staring in shock. She became wary of Subaru as he stepped forward, biting her lip,
"Well, that's brave. Have you finally given up?"
"It's a bit different from an idea. If I had to say... I guess it's more like I've made up my mind."
"--what"
Ram frowned, not understanding Subaru's intentions.
Subaru clasped his hands together and bowed deeply to her.
"Sorry. I was such a wimp and I caused you a lot of sadness."
"--! So it's something to do with Rem."
"No, sorry, but I honestly don't know. To be honest, there are a lot of things I don't understand. But"
Subaru stopped speaking and took a moment to breathe,
"There are so many things I don't understand, so I wanted to learn more."
"Now what?!"
Ram roared at Subaru's declaration of resolve, seeing it as nothing more than nonsense. She stomped her foot down in anger,
"Rem is already dead! It's too late to fix it now! Even if you found out something now, what is there to do?"
"I can't say something cool like I can do something. This is the result of not being able to do anything. I know better than anyone that it has zero persuasive power."
I'm not being defensive. Even now, I'm filled with regret.
I'm disgusted by my own stupidity, and if I could die of shame, I might do so.
And yet, after behaving shamefully, struggling shamefully, and making a complete disgrace of myself, I arrived at this place.
And this is the conclusion I came to.
"What do you know about Ram and Rem?"
"I don't know anything because I didn't try to find out. I still don't know anything about the most important parts. But still."
For ten days, Subaru walked alongside them.
They don't know about it, and even if they did ask, they wouldn't understand.
But Subaru certainly remembers those ten days.
Even if they had forgotten, Subaru's soul would remember the things he had seen with them, the laughs he had with them, and the times he had spent with them.
It's not that he doesn't know anything. Subaru knows them.
And so, these girls are...
"You guys probably don't know either."
"what..."
"I! I! I! - I love you!"
My sister is cold but also a bitch.
My sister appears to be polite and rude, but she is actually sarcastic.
Subaru cherished the days he spent with them.
Even if the memory of being killed by their hands remains, it is a memory that is hard for either of them to forget.
If I could share that time again, I would even be happy to choose to do that.
Subaru shouted, and Ram simply stiffened in shock, eyes wide.
Of course. From her point of view, what Subaru said was nothing more than an incomprehensible delusion, just one of the millions of nonsense uttered by a crazy madman.
Therefore, the decision to cut it off was made in an instant.
The moment her thoughts stopped and her body relaxed, Ram's hostility was put into action.
But stagnation, even for a moment, is stagnation.
「――――!!」
Before she could make an immediate decision, Subaru took off running, just a split second faster.
With his back to Ram, Subaru passed by Beatrice and ran at full speed towards the cliff.
"hang on--!"
A high-pitched scream-like voice echoed behind me.
As Subaru runs, his consciousness is lost as to which girl's voice it was.
My thoughts are all messed up. I thought I was prepared.
However, as if betraying his mind, his heartbeat sent pain throughout his body, and his limbs felt heavy as if filled with lead.
Despite him running as fast as he could, the world was in endless slow motion, and it even felt as if every second they were delaying Subaru would try to encourage him to change his mind.
It's ridiculous. I'm still wondering about it now.
If you think about it, it makes sense. He must have struggled so much and clung to life so much.
Even though I wanted to die, in the end I was unable to resist the instinct to survive.
And yet here we are.
Subaru: "I forgot to thank Beatrice…"
Suddenly, I blurted out the thing that was bothering me, and left it all behind.
The cliff is approaching. How many more steps there are? It's scary to even count them. My heart is breaking. I feel like it's already broken. I'm not sane. I feel the urge to laugh. But I can't laugh at all. There's no way I can laugh.
Even if I continued to survive, I would just be living like a dead person.
Giving up on his future there would be the same as dying for Subaru.
If you're going to live this life as if you were dead, then what's wrong with using it however you like?
The cliff is just around the corner. It's high enough. Someone else is waiting impatiently for Subaru at the bottom of the cliff. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. And I'm sorry, but I can't be in the same place as you.
"Good people like me go to heaven when they die."
My feet left my feet. I scratch the air. I can't touch anything, I can't reach anything.
My body shook. I lost my balance. Up or down, I couldn't keep my balance.
It's early. The wind is strong. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. The ringing in my ears is far away. I feel like I've left my heart behind. I can't hear the pounding, the ominous bell is ringing.
If it ends with death, then that's it.
That's no different from living as if you were dead.
But what if, what if, I could go back.
"I'll definitely kill you," she screamed.
Then, it's me.
"--I'll definitely help you."
Immediately after voicing his decision, he crashed headfirst into the hard ground.
The sound of it shattering echoed loudly throughout the room, and I could no longer hear anything.
The cries of resentment can no longer be heard. Nothing more.