There are few universal truths in the cosmos. Stars die. Black holes devour. And in every school gym, at least once a semester, dodgeball happens.
It's not a game.
It's not a sport.
It's war.
And today… it was Dodgeball Day.
The gymnasium had been transformed into a padded colosseum of chaos. The walls were lined with red rubber spheres that gleamed like tiny crimson planets, waiting to be launched with the fury of an angry lunch lady. Children stretched dramatically like they were preparing for battle. Somewhere, faintly, the theme from Rocky played from someone's outdated flip phone.
Ms. Benson was "supervising" from behind a clipboard and three layers of protective gear. Beside her stood our guest instructor: Coach Vex.
Coach Vex was a seven-foot-tall humanoid brick. Bald. Sunglasses indoors. Muscles that had muscles. He smelled like protein powder and unprocessed trauma.
"I AM COACH VEX," he shouted. "I EAT WEAKNESS FOR BREAKFAST. AND LUNCH. SOMETIMES DINNER."
"I think he's glitching," Mindy whispered.
"Or buffering," I added.
Coach Vex blew his whistle so hard the bleachers shook. "DODGEBALL IS SIMPLE: DODGE. OR FALL."
He tossed a ball at a stack of cones, which immediately burst into flames.
"Yup," I muttered. "Definitely from a lab."
Teams were divided.
I was placed on Team Lightning, a ragtag group of kids who had never known coordinated exercise. My teammates included:
Bowl Cut Brandon (again, very committed to dragon art).
Pudding Pete, who only communicated via snack bribes.
Janine, whose pigtails doubled as whirling weapons in close combat.
The opposing team was Team Doom—led by Travis, of course. His jersey said "Boss Mode." It sparkled. I hated it.
As I stepped onto the court, a familiar ding echoed in my mind. A blue box materialized in my vision.
SYSTEM MISSION: GYM CLASS INITIATION
Objective: Defeat Travis in dodgeball without using offensive powers. Style points rewarded.
Bonus Objective: Prevent any injuries.
Reward: ???
[ACCEPT] [ACCEPT, BUT BE SMUG ABOUT IT]
I mentally tapped the second option. Obviously.
The whistle blew.
Balls flew like meteors.
Chaos ensued.
I floated. Just slightly. Maybe an inch. Maybe two. I kept it subtle. Probably.
A dodgeball came at me like a heat-seeking missile. I ducked, summoned a small breeze with my fingers to gently redirect it into the ceiling. It knocked out a fluorescent light.
"That wasn't regulation!" Travis yelled.
"I regulate my own physics," I replied sweetly.
Janine took out two opponents with what may or may not have been a pirouette of doom. Pudding Pete bribed another with a squeezable applesauce pouch. Brandon threw a ball while screaming "FOR THE FIRE DRAGON!" and somehow got three kids out in one shot.
Things escalated quickly.
Coach Vex was loving it. "YES. THIS IS PAIN. THIS IS JOY."
I was the last one standing on my team.
Across from me, Travis wound up for a throw with the intensity of a disgraced villain from a soap opera. "This is for everything, Arthur!"
"Everything? Bit dramatic, Travis."
He launched the ball.
I blinked.
Time slowed.
I could see atoms vibrate. The ball spun like a red comet. I tilted my head, raised a single finger, and booped it gently aside.
It ricocheted off the wall, hit the scoreboard, and somehow turned on the sprinklers.
Kids screamed.
Coach Vex laughed like a mythic beast granted fire insurance.
"That's it!" Travis shrieked. "You're cheating! You're not normal!"
Everyone paused.
I casually grabbed a towel, drying my glowing fingers beneath my sleeves. "Define normal."
Mindy stepped beside me, arms crossed. "You're just mad because he dodges better than your GPA."
Sir Chompers squeaked his approval from the bleachers, wearing a tiny foam finger.
Travis tried to throw another ball, but slipped on a rogue fruit cup and face-planted into a puddle of existential defeat.
Victory: secured.
Coach Vex gave me a slow nod. "YOU MOVE LIKE THUNDER. I RESPECT IT."
"Thank you," I replied. "I've had practice avoiding consequences."
The SYSTEM pinged again.
MISSION COMPLETE.
Bonus Achieved: No injuries, maximum humiliation.
Calculating Style Score…
10/10: "Dramatic dodgeball deity."
Reward Unlocked:
SKILL ACQUIRED – GREAT SAGE
[A divine processing core has fused with your mind. Enhanced analysis, combat insight, infinite memory storage, passive sarcasm filter included.]
My pupils briefly flashed silver. I blinked.
"...Whoa," I whispered, downloading the full works of quantum mechanics and every episode of Phineas and Ferb simultaneously.
We were dismissed early due to "minor gym flooding and moderate emotional damage." Ms. Benson made a note to "reconsider physical education as a concept."
In the locker room, Mindy approached me with her notebook.
"You've been weirdly calm about everything lately."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Not sure yet," she replied. "But I'm onto you."
"I hope you catch up," I said with a wink, floating half an inch out the door.
Back in the limo, Jenkins handed me a smoothie laced with quantum protein.
"How was dodgeball, Master?"
"No fatalities. Only three timeline breaches. Also, I'm a sage now."
"Ah. I'll prepare the meditation chamber."
I nodded. "Tomorrow should be quieter."
Spoiler: Tomorrow includes a talent show, a musical wormhole, and a guest judge who might be Doctor Strange's cousin.