The world spun in flashes of light and shadow as Pikachu held onto Ralts, its eyes squeezed shut like it was on the world's bumpiest roller coaster.
One second, they were in that crammed little room, and the next—poof—they popped right back in front of David, who was crouched by the vent, half-eaten granola bar in hand.
David jumped back like he'd just seen a Gengar in his bathroom. "What the—?! Pikachu, I swear if you start teleporting without warning, I'm getting you a leash."
Pikachu just rolled its eyes. "Pika pika. (Drama queen…)"
David blinked, finally noticing the shimmering blue Ralts beside Pikachu. He straightened up, brushed the dust off his jeans like he was trying to look somewhat presentable, and smiled as warmly as he could manage—though it mostly came off as "please don't blow me up with Psychic."
"Hey there, little guy!" he said, voice dripping with forced charm. He crouched down and extended his hand like he was greeting a skittish Meowth. "I'm David. So…uh, would you like to come with me? I promise I don't live in a sketchy hair salon."
Ralts tilted its head, looking at David's hand like it had just been dipped in mustard. Pikachu snickered. David shot it a glare. "Not helping, furball."
But before Ralts could even consider his offer—or slap his hand away—an absolute mountain of a man stomped into the hallway, each step shaking the floor. He was at least six feet of pure muscle and bad decisions, with a dirty white shirt stretched over his chest and tattoos creeping up his neck like they were trying to escape. His glare could probably paralyze a Rhydon.
"Go?" the guy snarled, his voice like a gravel truck stuck in reverse. "You still think you're leaving?!"
David straightened up so fast he nearly pulled a muscle. "Oh, hey! You must be…uh…Mr. Tattoo Enthusiast! Great place you've got here! Love the…chains and…illegal collars…very, uh, rustic."
The man's eyes narrowed. "You think you're funny, kid?"
David looked around at Pikachu and Ralts, who both stared back at him like, You got us into this mess, genius. He forced a laugh that was more nervous wheeze than anything else. "Funny? Nah, I'm just...a huge fan of not getting punched in the face."
Pikachu facepalmed. Ralts just blinked, clearly wondering what kind of lunatic it had just teamed up with.
The towering man cracked his knuckles one by one, each pop sounding like a small firework. "You've got ten seconds to explain what you're doing with my Ralts," he growled, taking a step forward.
David swallowed hard, glancing at Pikachu. "Pikachu…uh, any ideas?"
Pikachu just shrugged. "Pika pika. (Run?)"
"Yeah, not helpful," David muttered, turning back to the human boulder blocking the exit. He forced another smile, but this one was more like a grimace. "Look, big guy, I'm just…borrowing your Ralts for a bit. You know, like…uh, a test drive? I promise I'll bring it back with a full tank of Psychic."
The man cracked his neck, each vertebra sounding like a branch snapping. "Oh, you're gonna need a lot more than jokes to get out of this, kid."
David leaned over to Pikachu. "Got any Thunderbolt left in the tank?"
Pikachu sparked up its cheeks, nodding.
David straightened up and gave the burly guy a confident smile that was mostly fake. "Well, guess we're doing this the hard way then…"
The man took another step forward, and David braced himself, knowing full well his best strategy right now was somewhere between run like your life depends on it and hope he slips on a banana peel.
Ralts, standing between David and Pikachu, looked back and forth like it was watching the world's weirdest showdown. Its eyes started to glow, sparks of purple light flickering as it prepared for whatever happened next.
David gulped. "Alright…let's try not to die."
Ralts stared at the towering man, its tiny body shaking slightly. The malice rolling off him was almost tangible, like the stench of a Grimer on a hot day. Without thinking, Ralts scooted closer to David, practically diving into his arms like he was a walking pillow fort.
David blinked, momentarily stunned. This little Pokémon, terrified and vulnerable, was trusting him. Something in his chest clenched—probably his conscience waking up for the first time in years. He looked down at the trembling Ralts, its big eyes peeking up at him with a mix of fear and hope.
"Hey," David said softly, giving Ralts a reassuring pat. "Don't worry. That overgrown Machamp cosplayer is gonna get exactly what's coming to him. Trust me."
Ralts blinked, its expression softening just a bit. Pikachu stood next to David, nodding dramatically like it was part of some motivational speech. "Pika pika! (Yeah, what he said!)"
Just then, the sound of heels clacking against the tiled floor echoed from the hallway. David turned to see Crystal wobbling toward them in her ridiculous nurse outfit, her expression caught somewhere between confusion and last night's hangover.
"What's with the sirens? I was just about to—" She stopped dead, staring at David, Ralts, and the mountainous shop owner standing across from them with a face like he'd just been handed a lifetime ban from every buffet in town.
David raised his hand like he was greeting a neighbor across the fence. "Oh hey, didn't see you there! Love the outfit, by the way. Very…uh, themed."
Crystal blinked, clearly not processing any of this. "What the hell is going on?"
David grinned, cradling Ralts in one arm like he was holding a newborn that could blow up his brain with a thought. He looked back at the shop owner, whose fists were clenched so tight it looked like he was about to pop a vein.
"Oh, nothing much," David said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I just called a friend to join the party. Thought you might want some company while you explain the whole illegal Pokémon trafficking thing. You know, bonding time."
The shop owner's eyes narrowed into slits. "A friend? What kind of friend?"
David held back a grin. "Oh, just your friendly neighborhood Alliance Investigator."
The man's eyebrows practically hit the ceiling. "You what?"
"Yep!" David said, nodding way too cheerfully. "You seemed stressed out. I figured, hey, let's get some law enforcement in here to help clear things up. Maybe wash their hair too. Y'know, really get the knots out."
Crystal's jaw dropped. "Wait...you called the Alliance?!"
David grinned. "Yeah! Told them all about your little…uh, business practices. They seemed really eager to meet you guys! Oh, and by the way, my name's Ligma!"
The shop owner blinked. "Ligma? What kinda name is Ligma?"
David didn't miss a beat. He leaned forward, face dead serious. "Ligma balls."
For a split second, the entire room went silent. Then Pikachu snorted so hard it nearly fell over. Ralts just looked confused, but David gave it a reassuring pat. "You'll get it when you're older."
Before the shop owner could process the insult, the piercing sound of sirens blasted from outside. David peeked out the window and whistled low. Five police cars had pulled up, lights flashing, blocking every exit. A whole squad of Alliance Investigators spilled out, each one looking more serious than the last.
Crystal stared, her eyes wide as dinner plates. "The friend you called…is the Alliance Investigator?! You weren't kidding?!"
David gave her a thumbs-up. "When I do things, I go all out."
The shop owner looked like he was about to explode. "You…you called the cops?! First you scam me, then you call the Alliance Investigator?! What kind of scam is this?!"
David cradled Ralts protectively and shrugged. "I like to call it the 'Eat, Run, and Report' special. Trademark pending."
Pikachu chuckled. "Pika pika. (You're insane.)"
David glanced down at Pikachu and smirked. "I prefer 'creative problem solver,' but I'll take it."
Meanwhile, the Alliance Investigators were already marching up the steps, and David turned back to the shop owner with a grin. "I hope you like handcuffs, big guy. 'Cause I think you're about to try some on."
The shop owner's face went pale. Crystal just stared, her hands clutching her nurse hat like it might fly away. Pikachu and Ralts exchanged glances—one amused, the other confused.
David took a deep breath, holding Ralts a little tighter. "Alright, team," he whispered. "Now comes the fun part."
And with that, the sirens blared louder, and the footsteps of justice came stomping up the stairs.
The shopkeeper's face twisted with rage, veins bulging out of his neck like he was about to Hulk out right there in the middle of his sketchy shampoo parlor. His hand shot into his jacket, fumbling around before yanking out a Poké Ball.
"You're not leaving here alive, kid!" he snarled, chucking the ball with the grace of a drunken Machamp.
David watched the Poké Ball spin through the air and land with a dramatic flash. Out popped a giant, purple Arbok, its hood flaring wide as it hissed menacingly. Its eyes locked onto David like he was the last snack in the pantry.
"Of course it's an Arbok," David muttered, rolling his eyes. "Why is it always snakes? Never a Jigglypuff, huh?"
Ralts, nestled in his arms, took one look at the fanged monstrosity and shrunk deeper into David's chest, practically trying to burrow inside his jacket. Pikachu, still perched on David's shoulder, reached over and gave Ralts a reassuring pat, whispering what David could only assume were Pokémon pep talks.
"Arbok, use Poison Barb!" the shopkeeper yelled, voice cracking with desperation.
Arbok reared back, its jaws stretching wide enough to make even a Steelix reconsider its life choices. A sickly green glow bubbled up from its venom glands, condensing into razor-sharp needles. Then, with a powerful lurch, it spat them out, spraying venomous spikes straight toward David and his Pokémon.
David didn't flinch. In fact, he actually grinned."Man, I really hope you have insurance," he quipped, listening to the sound of notifications popping off in his head.
[Obtained negative emotion value +20 from Crystal...][Obtained negative emotion value +50 from Shop Owner...][Obtained negative emotion value +20 from Crystal...][Obtained negative emotion value +50 from Shop Owner...]
The hits just kept coming. He might as well open a complaint booth at this rate.
As the Poison Barbs hurtled through the air, David leaned down and whispered to Ralts, who was still shaking like a leaf. "Alright, little buddy, time to poof us outta here. Think you can manage that?"
Ralts looked up at him, eyes wide and uncertain, but it nodded. Pale purple light began to swirl around them, flickering like wisps of smoke. The tiny horns on Ralts' head glowed brightly, pulsing with Psychic energy.
The shopkeeper's eyes widened. "Wait, what are you—?"
"Teleport," David whispered with a grin.
In a flash of violet light, the room spun like it had been tossed into a blender, light and shadows swirling together until—pop—they reappeared smack dab in front of a swarm of Alliance Investigators.
David blinked, still holding Ralts like he'd just carried it across the finish line of a marathon. Investigators in crisp uniforms turned to look at him, and he realized he had basically teleported right into their huddle.
One particularly stern-looking investigator stood in front, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. His name tag read Nakamura. He looked like he ironed his socks.
David awkwardly cleared his throat. "Uh... hey, Investigator Uncle," he started, scratching his head. "Just to be clear... I'm not the bad guy here."
Nakamura's eyes narrowed. He leaned forward and took an exaggerated sniff, grimacing. "You reek of... lavender and... knockoff cologne?"
David raised his hands defensively. "I swear, it's not mine! It's—uh... it's part of the... ambiance of the place I just left! Real fancy establishment. Five stars on Totally-Not-A-Front.com."
Nakamura snorted, crossing his arms tighter. "Right. You know, everyone who ends up here says that." He turned to the young investigator at his side. "Search him. Thoroughly."
"Wait, what?!" David's eyes went wide. "Search me? I swear, I didn't do anything!"
"Everyone says that too," Nakamura replied flatly, nodding for the younger officer to go ahead.
Before David could protest, the investigator patted him down, hands moving like he was checking for hidden Rare Candies. David squirmed uncomfortably, nearly dropping Ralts in the process. Pikachu shook its head from his shoulder, as if saying, This is why we can't have nice things.
Suddenly, the investigator stopped, brow furrowing as he reached into David's coat pocket. He pulled out a small, shiny box and held it up for Nakamura to see.
David's heart sank. "Oh no."
Nakamura squinted at the box, then raised it to eye level. Written across the front in big, bold letters: Durex Ultra-Thin 0.01 Pack!
Pikachu slapped its tiny paw against its forehead. "Pika... (I'm so done with you...)"
David felt his soul practically leave his body. "I-I swear, I don't even know how that got there!" he stammered, face flushing bright red.
Nakamura raised an eyebrow, smirking now. "Sure. You just carry around... protection in a children's shampoo salon, huh?"
David's eyes darted back and forth. "I-It's... it's a misunderstanding! I won it in a... a system lottery! Yeah! It was a prize!"
Nakamura looked at him like he had just claimed to be the King of Sinnoh. "Uh-huh. A lottery. Officer, cuff this clown."
David's face dropped. "Wait! No! This is just a huge misunderstanding! I'm not that kind of—Pikachu, tell him!"
"Pika pika! (He's really not that smooth, trust me!)"
But Nakamura wasn't listening. The cuffs snapped around David's wrists with an audible click, and Pikachu just sighed, hopping off his shoulder to stand next to him.
David looked down at the little yellow rodent. "You could've helped me out there, you know."
Pikachu just shrugged. "Pika. (I pick my battles.)"
David groaned as the officers led him away, Ralts still clinging to his arm and blinking in utter confusion. "Great. First I escape a criminal salon, now I'm getting arrested for bad luck and even worse pocket inventory."
Nakamura marched ahead, shaking his head. "Kid, you're definitely one of a kind."
David sighed. "I'm gonna need a better lawyer... and a cleaner coat pocket."