Dasch: when have you gotten so fat?
Dude: i wasn't always like this.
Dasch: what have you done to yourself?
Dude: nothing crazy. it was all everyday stuff. seriously, nothing special or extraordinary.
Dasch: they don't really have to be. but what matters is that how you actually got to where you are now.
Dude: i wasn't really planning any of this. it just became part of who i am. my fat. whose else?
Dasch: they are truly yours. no one can own it for you. it completes you. they are probably there for a very good reason. otherwise they would have been lost and left you for good.
Dude: i never actually invited them. i don't understand how they all got through it. no one else has really done it. i don't remember they ever signaling that they would come either.
Dasch: i mean usually somethings just come without announcing ahead. there is no universal rule that forces them to always be telling where they are going.
Dude: that's true. i mean. i hardly share where i am headed. and, of course, i do not let my destinations know i'll be coming either.
Dude: i don't remember coming to this house after giving any friendly notice either.
Dude: you did come on one day and it was just any other day i was living and you were in kind of like a brown cardboard box.
Dasch: i actually don't have much memory of that time back then. in fact, i do not remember my first ever memory too. i'm little confused. maybe it's not there, because it's not necessary. if it was necessary for my survival, why wouldn't it be there?
Dude: well, i can tell you that you were more like a worm kind of creature. you were squirming and twisting like a little funny creature. and i definitely didn't know you were going to turn out to be like this.
Dasch: i don't know how a puppy that i must have been came across as a squirmy worm kind of creature. but i guess you are just speaking what you see in your memory.
Dude: yeah and what else? yeah, you did have some spots on you like dark brownish spots or blobs. they kinda reminded me of mild bruises but they did make you stand out from other things. and, some times that spot around your eyes made me think you were like some one-eyed captain hook.
Dasch: yet, i wasn't one-legged i was perfectly four legged. i can't believe i was more crawling and squirming around than walking on all fours.
Dude: yeah. it was like some caterpillar racing or immigration. you were dragging yourself across like some softy mob with nice fluffy furs.
Dasch: did i not have all the hair as i do? that would have been so cold and embarrassingly naked!
Dude: yes. your hair weren't all grown up yet but i think you had enough to fully cover your little body. so i don't think you were shivering like you were abandoned on a street. it however was going into winter when you came. and we thought that you needed your own sleep spot so we put you right next to Christmas tree.
Dasch: i just don't understand why you would put me next to a tree. what does tree have anything to do with dogs?
Dude: it's just that we thought tree would be a nice companion to you. without it, you could feel like sleeping in a middle of desert you know. plus the lightings on the tree were on and they were blinking on and off gently, giving out warm, heartfelt christmas vibe. you are so happy you had a happy house neighboring the tree.
Dasch: i could have been electrocuted. wasn't there any caution against that? how could you risk such danger to a helpless tiny creature that i was.
Dude: forget it. it never happened. anyways, whatsoever. why fuss over something that did not even take place?
Dasch: well, it just caught on my radar that's all. well, if i was like that, were you any way smaller that you are now?
Dude: i can say i was lot slimmer and i was more presentable. that doesn't mean i had a girlfriend though. that hasn't changed for sure for so long.
Dasch: well. i guess some things never change. not to make you feel worse or anything. i just think that there is something you are doing that's not giving you any girlfriend.
Dude: i highly doubt you have any idea what that is.
Dasch: well, you were slimmer and now you are fatter. and you don't have girlfriend in both times.
Dude: thank you. what a kind reminder? what else is there to this cruel wisdom?
Dasch: well so, it has to be something else.
Dude: okay now. that does not enlighten anything my friend.
Dasch: when i was living next to that christmas tree. what gift did you pray and wish for?
Dude: i mean i wasn't a small child back then as you were so. i didn't really do any of that. i didn't get any presents either. look, dog. adults don't get presents anymore. if i did, i still wouldn't get a girlfriend for christmas. relationships can't be gifted like that!
Dasch: well, then if it can't be gifted how can it be had? like, how do you get to be in love with someone?
Dude: look, i said i know that it can't be gifted but that don't mean i know how to get it. dog.
Dasch: okay. then since you don't have it. you can answer how you don't have it.
Dude. dude. it's not there. i don't have it. i can't feel it. how do i know? it's not like something i already had in hands disappeared.
Dasch: so you never ever lost it and so you never ever had such love?
Dude: i don't know if you would trust me on this but i actually did indeed had one. believe it or not. so yes it was there sometimes. but now it's gone.
Dasch: well then just do what you did to have it and don't do what you did to lose it.
Dude: hmm. how did i do it? i'm thinking how i had girlfriend. was there a trick.
Dasch: if you can't recall it, it probably wasn't a good memory so you erased it.
Dude: no. actually just now i remembered and it's not so straightforward because what is needed is something super complex.
Dasch: okay, what are the ingredients.
Dude: first it was in college class. then there was this girl. then she was pretty. then i talked to her. and i walked her home. and i did that many times. and then sometimes we went my home. and then that happened more. and then things started to take shape.
Dasch: sounds like you need to find a new college to graduate perhaps?
Dude: perhaps it could be just any class. it could have been not even a class. coz you know, what's needed is a place where i go regularly and find a pretty girl.
Dasch: well, where are the pretty girls that you would go regularly.
Dude: i honestly don't know where they are.
Dasch: hmm. then is this where we stop?
Dude: Like, i didn't go to that college class coz i knew she was there. i went there and she was there.
Dasch: then, maybe you just need to go somewhere first. wherever that is.
Dude: and it has to be a regular place.
Dasch: it can't be home.
Dude: that makes no sense, yes. there's only family. so it can't be home.
Dasch: where do you go regularly besides home or to your room?
Dude: i go to workplace.
Dasch: well how's that.
Dude: it has only 5 people and there's no pretty one.
Dasch: that hurts for ladies there.
Dude: i mean it's just not for me.
Dasch: okay. you make up your mind.
Dude: yes. i can't go home or workplace. it's gotta be a new place. where could that be.
Dasch: i don't know. it wouldn't be a problem if it was easy to answer.
Dude: seriously, where can i regularly go.
Dasch: how about a gym. you can go there to exercise.
Dude: that's actually a feasible idea. i don't know when i'm gonna go.
Dasch: you go when you want girlfriend. if you don't go now, it means no girlfriend.
Dude: okay. i should go then but umm.
Dasch: what is it now? why don't you go already?
Dude: if i do see a pretty one. i just talk to her.
Dasch: yes, that is what you did last time.
Dude: but it was easier then because we were classmates.
Dasch: yes and at the gym, you will have gymmates.
Dude: i'm not sure if i'm allowed to talk. what if this is rude?
Dasch: i mean that depends on what you are gonna say.
Dude: what am i gonna say?
Dasch: i don't know. i'm not your brain.
Dude: i'm really oost. i really don't know what to say.
Dasch: i never even had one girlfriend. how should i know.
Dude: there really doesn't seem to be any good natural way to open the conversation.
Dasch: just remember you are at the gym. it's where people exercise.
Dude: what can be a good reason to talk to a gymmate, especially a pretty female gymmate?
Dasch: what if she drops something.
Dude: but that may never happen.
Dasch: you make her drop it.
Dude: how can i do that without getting caught?
Dasch: the hard part is yours to solve. don't get me into that.
Dude: i don't know. i don't know.
Dasch: but remember, you haven't even went to the gym or saw a beautiful girl either yet.
Dude: you are so right.
Dasch: so maybe you go there and start thinking after seeing the girl.
Dude: okay. okay. it's little nervous but yes.
Dasch: it hasn't even happened. do not be a weakling already.
Dude: i think i'm getting fever.
Dasch: no, you get fever after exercising at the gym and you look carefully who's pretty.
Dude: and then?
Dasch: then you look how beautiful she is until you get an idea of what to say.
Dude: just keep looking at her? and i will have my answer?
Dasch: but you can't be staring you have to look gracefully otherwise you go to a police.
Dude: graceful look. pleasant look. do i have it?
Dasch: have you ever looked at me like that? no.
Dude: i gotta practice that then. i guess i get used to it by looking at myself.
Dasch: yes you look to yourself and do it until you forget you are looking at yourself because it's so natural.
Dude: should keep looking until the minor smiles back to me?
Dasch: no, that means you have become a freak, we do not want that. you cannot lose yourself.
Dude: i will just look at myself until i feel that i'm being looked at naturally and softly.
Dasch: how long do you think that's gonna take?
Dude: i don't know. how could i know?
Dasch: you know you can use the mirror in the gym.
Dude: and lose my fat and return to slim body, i will have better chance.
Dasch: who knows there might be women who are also practicing with the mirror and you may recognize each other.
Dude: that would be quite strange and cringy but powerful destiny.
Dasch: anyways, destiny or not, you make it or not. just do it. just don't cry if you fail. find a different gym maybe.
Dude: i'm never gonna let myself visiting second gym. i'm gonna find her in the first gym.
Dasch: fingers crossed.
Dude: i just gotta go there. it's a matter of when.
Dasch: yeah, i'm actually not convinced you will actually go.
Dude: i just need to relax first and mentally prepare in my couch.
Dasch: that's not a gym.
Dude: i know it's part of process.
Dasch: you are getting far away from gym.
Dude: it won't be that way forever. i just gotta relax. just a little. i had this mouthhurting chat and my mouth needs some rest.
Dasch: okay then, anyways, good luck moving your ass out of that couch.
Dude: yeh.