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***
Writing out a finger through the air, I covered my eyes in pleasure. I felt a sense of power as I parodied the conductor, basking in the sunlight streaming through the window into the flat.
A famous French song sung by Edith Piaf was blaring through the house. Bursting out into the street, it gave our Irish neighbourhood a bit of cultural diversity.
Particles of raised dust flickered in the sun, and the scent of detergents lingered in the air, clogging the nose with the strong odour of chemicals.... But, God, how pleasant it was.
-Phew," Pete wiped the sweat from his forehead and plumped tiredly into his chair, pulling the rubber gloves off his hands, "all... It's done. Is our deal still on now?
Without answering, I silently got up from the couch, walked to the nearest table, ran my finger across it, and, like a wicked stepmother, clucked my tongue, wrinkling my face. My ugly grimace elicited a groan of pain from Parker's lips as the guy started to put his gloves back on.
-Don't hurry, old chap, -I couldn't play the game for long, because Parker was playing the painful game, -just to wipe the dust off the horizontal surfaces.
-And that's it?
Sitting down next to Pete, I shake my finger in front of his face.
-Non-non-non, ma chérie," I put on the sweetest smile, mumbling and swallowing vowels, "I haven't done the dishes all week.
-Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. What the fuck, Shawn? You've cleaned my flat so many times!
-You know how it is? It's that gut feeling, that gut feeling. I'd even say it's a slight vibe under your nose. It's as if some great power told me I should hold off on the cleaning.
-Shithead.
-You can always say no, Pete.
-Yeah," Parker sighed, rising from the couch with a heavy sigh, arms at his sides, "when you've done most of it, you gotta follow through.
-Here, here. Keep those words in your head and imagine squeezing MJ in such a clean and cosy flat.....
-Shut up.
-Oh-ooh-ooh. Dude, you're blushing," I put my arm around my friend's neck and start shagging his hair with my fist, forcing a response, "are you really thinking of something more than playing second base?
-This is my and MJ's business--Ah, soon my boy will be a man, -wiping a fake tear from the corner of my eye, I see how Parker is about to ignite with shame and rage and still let go of his victim, -the main thing is not to do it on the parents' bed, or it's uncomfortable. And disinfect everything. And use protection.
-I feel like I'm talking to my grandmother.
-Or your other aunt.
-Brrrrrrrr. Come on, even I can't take this much embarrassment.
-I actually wonder what she'd say.
-"I'm not listening to you.
Pete turned up the music, and with renewed vigour, he rushed to clean the flat, preparing it for his date with MJ.
It was easy to divorce a guy in love, and I didn't regret that unfair deal one bit. Well, how long does it take for two teenagers to have their first sex? He's been cleaning my place for four hours. I'll have to push him to do it a second time just before my parents arrive. They'll be surprised to see it all cleaned and ready for them.
-"What a good son I am. If you don't praise yourself, no one will.
-But you're a shitty friend.
Even through the speaker Pete heard my words, continuing to scrub the table with a tired grin.
-You keep your mouth shut, boy. -You keep your mouth shut. The sun's still high.
-God, that's racist.
I mimic the sound of a whiplash and use an imaginary weapon on Pete's back.
-Come on, boy. If you're done by tonight, you get a bowl of soup! Otherwise, you'll feel the full force of my hand.
-Asshole.
***
Letting go of my temporary slave, even though he was a white Jew and not of the classical edition, I set off towards Gwen's house with a cheerful, almost bouncing gait.
The sun was burning pleasantly, though it was already beginning to slip to the horizon, and the mood was at such an unattainable height that I wanted to twirl a random passer-by in a dance, but as a pity I got either couples or lonely men. Women, as if sensing a trick, walked on the other side of the street or turned into alleys.
Perhaps someone would be surprised by my grin up to my ears, but I wouldn't even try to explain anything, because all the emotion came from one little text message sent by my girlfriend a couple of hours ago.
"My dad won't be here until morning."
Short, succinct and very suggestive. Even a layman like Billy would have been able to guess exactly what the girl wanted, writing such provocative words to a pubescent guy who hadn't been let in all the way for a long time.
-While. It's Billy. He'd probably need a signalman with flags pointing in the direction of the spread legs.
-It's been a long time since we've had a game of dnd, we should get the guys together, and Parker should be taken out of the clutches of the redheads, or he'll soon stop being human.
The fact that Pete, on the contrary, was gradually turning into a normal guy from a fucked-up nerd, I calmly ignored, because you can't change brothers. We're stubs. Pati in the fight against evil. A real team that's cleaned up more than one dungeon.
-So I'd better get on with it, or I'll forget, and MJ's gonna be on my side on this one.
That's a funny thing, by the way. In spite of Parker's active perching and pushing under my heel, that sly fox was always happy to let him hang out with me or the rest of the guys, almost pushing him in the back. I'd brought up the subject more than once, but I couldn't expect a normal answer from Pete, and the rest of our mates weren't very good at communicating with the opposite sex.
Having dialled a familiar number, I didn't even have time to hear the first dial tone, as from the other side I heard a cheerful girl's voice.
-Hey, it's the head wife of my boyfriend's harem. Hey, Sean. What are you doing here? You couldn't even let Tiger go for a couple of hours?
-I'm already sorry I called you," I said, hiding my smile and keeping my voice calm, not giving in to provocation, "I was thinking, we haven't played board games in a while. Will you let your handy guy join us before he makes up an excuse?
-Haha, sure, why not? -Yeah. You know, I might even hang out with you guys, just get something stronger. It'll be my magic potion to get through all your dragon talk and stuff.
-Sounds great. Then he won't have a chance to sneak off to serenade you or sigh over your clothes.
-I'm gonna kill you, fucking Teddy! -I'm gonna kill you!
Through MJ's laughter I could hear Pete shouting at me, cursing and cursing.
-We'll decide on a place and time later. Bye, guys, love you. Give MJ a hug for me, Pete. She's so cute, I don't know what she sees in you.
-Fuck you.
As I hung up the phone, I could feel my face cracking into a smile. Twisting the phone in my hands, I feel it signalling again, but instead of more profanity from Parker, I get a new picture of Gwen in her nudity, which makes me want to go for a run.The first time I read Stacey's message, I thought it was a joke, because despite her perky nature, she was a decent and easily embarrassed girl, but when I texted back that I'd be there in five minutes, I got a selfie of her with her bra pulled up, so my doubts disappeared instantly.
Apparently, she'd reached the end of her tether too and our teenage petting was in her liver.... Or somewhere else. After all, we're almost adults now. And if I was somehow relieving the tension and rediscovering the wonders of joy in a young body, Gwen was clearly eager to learn something new and forbidden, which under the watchful eye of her father's cop had not been possible before.
About the same time on the news that in the centre of the city the police and the military arranged some kind of debauch, and at first I even wanted to go there.... But, shit. There were no reports of destruction or deaths. There were no explosions, panic and screams, and it was too light to act in my heroic role, so I chose Gwen as my choice between the hot girl and the suspicious bobbies.
But the little worm of doubt kept gnawing at my conscience, so I kept digging into my phone, hoping to see some news about what was going on. The closer I got to the girl's house, the calmer my heart became, because nothing terrible was happening. The town was intact, people were moving on, and the police and army were quietly dispersing.
-Maybe I just missed the Hulk event. But wasn't there global destruction? Or was that in part two?
Muttering to myself under my breath so as not to attract the attention of random passers-by, I even stopped at one point, running the events of the Marvel world through my head and trying to remember or grasp onto something important. But the more time passed, the more it became clear that most of my memory of canon, or any events for that matter, was gone. Washed away under the jumble of events that had taken place in the new world.
-It's kind of a shame.
I remembered what would happen tomorrow at the Ozcorp exhibition, I remembered who Otto Octavius might become, who, contrary to canon, had turned into a tough guy and promised to fit me with a new console so we could play online.
My mind flashed back to the events over New York City when a huge portal opened in the sky and a wave of lizard-like zombie weirdos poured out of it.
There were also gods... And wizards? There's supposed to be a temple in the centre of town.
Scratching the back of my head, I even stepped aside, for a moment to get rid of the image of a naked Gwen, who was obviously waiting for me and was now flooding me with naughty messages telling me to hurry up.
I definitely remembered running it through my mind on purpose, trying not to forget the key points. Names, abilities, organisations. Anything that might come up along the way.
But the longer I thought about it, the more obvious it became that all that information was slowly disappearing from my head under the pressure of new information.
-And maybe it didn't matter so much? After all, my mere appearance and familiarity with the heroes of the universe could already cause a butterfly effect.
Having calmed myself with such thoughts, I took the phone in my hand again, wishing to switch to something more pleasant than thinking about the loss of important information. There was nothing I could do about it now, and to come to an enthusiastic girl in such a mood, full of thoughts about something other than her.... I might as well kick myself in the balls, because I know from experience that's not going to end well.
***
Somewhere in the Sonora Desert, one of the largest in North America.
In the midst of the stone hills, a global excavation was taking place. Hidden from human eyes, unusual people with accents unusual for the United States gathered there. In a mixture of native language and English, they communicated with each other, constantly pointing their fingers at a huge hole in the ground.
Every now and then, one of the workers would shout loudly in a mixture of languages, screaming in panic and demanding something from the others.
Tired, exhausted people were soaked with fear and hopelessness, realising that even if they wanted to, they could not leave the excavation site.
The air in this godforsaken place was different. Tense, thick as tar and saturated with violet-coloured miasmas. The light of the sun rarely reached here, as if to ignore the small group of people, and every second vibrations came from underground, trying to escape to the surface.
But lo and behold, sometimes even civilisation returned here and at this very moment a passenger helicopter landed in the middle of the camp, scattering the people and their belongings standing nearby.
Before the propellers had even come to a complete stop, the owner of the expedition jumped out of the compartment, pressing into the dry soil, leaving deep footprints.
Creaking metal, he walked boldly and without fear, straight towards the huge hole, ignoring the pleas and glances from the workers. Behind his back, a green cloak flowed, leaving streaks in the sand, and black smoke billowed along it, drifting and spreading in all directions, driving away the local contagion from its bearer.
-God-i-i-i-i-i-i-n... We're so glad you're here.
Bending down, clasping his shaking hands to his chest, the head of the expedition swallowed his tears, struggling to utter the words. He was shaking, and it was unclear what was making him shake more. The terror of the eerie place, which had been absorbed for weeks, or the mighty figure of the king, who himself had visited their enterprise.
-Why has the work stopped?
-We... We-- We tried, Your Majesty. But-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
-Speak.
-The workers are afraid," the head of the labourers swallowed a tight lump and hid his eyes, afraid to look through the slits of the metal mask that hid his interlocutor's face, "it.... It, there in the depths... It... Whispering. Draws me in. It appears in the darkness.
-I see," Victor von Doom waved away the sweating old man and sucked in air with his nose, feeling the underground miasmas constantly trying to penetrate his body, "so we are close....
Making a few passes with his hands, the King of Latveria let out a sound wave in all directions, pressing violet vapours to the ground, making it physically easier to breathe. The atmosphere of despair and fear began to slowly evaporate, and only the eerie gloomy dip in the ground remained as frightening as ever. As if in mockery, purple tongues began to emerge again, forcing Victor to raise an eyebrow questioningly.
A couple of interested steps forward, and Victor fearlessly looked straight into the black abyss. The steel mask was staring impassively into the depths, figuring out what to do next, but the demonologist's eyes flashed, showing that he'd come to a decision in seconds.
With a grunt, one of the strongest mages on Earth pulled a large crystal the size of a man's fist out of his pocket. Without further ado, Doom began to recite a recitation in the now dead language, scaring the violet vapours away again.
The crystal emitted a light, white with flecks of gold. Like sunlight under a magnifying glass, it burned away the violet smoke, causing it to shrink and recede until the unknown contagion disappeared into the depths.
Infusing the crystal with his power, he hung it in the very centre of the excavation, making sure that the artifact he had assembled on his knees was doing its job, just in case.
Beneath the mask, he couldn't see his expression change from bitterness at the loss of a useful ingredient to pleasure at the work he had done. Another task, another perfect and simple solution. Costly? Yes. Problematic? Definitely not. He'll find a replacement, create one himself, or implement another idea, more than making up for what he's lost.
-We'll need to make a couple more normal ones and prepare a defence against-
Muttering quietly, Doom remained standing at the edge of the failure. His posture, movements, and speech were completely relaxed, as if nothing unusual had happened. But the musings of genius were interrupted in the most insolent manner. Happy at the cessation of his constant torture, the gaunt old man who had greeted him at his appearance had gathered courage and was now almost dancing, hiding his delight from the last effort.
-"Sir? Thank you, thank you very much. Now the work will be back on track.
-М? - Reluctantly, having escaped from the bowels of his powerful mind, Victor looked at his interlocutor as if he was seeing him for the first time. Or maybe he was? - Good.
Frowning at the transformed head of the expedition, Doom waved his hand, silently ordering his subordinates to get back to work, while the wizard himself remained standing still, calculating in his mind what he might need to create a new mystical object. This purple carrion had to be subdued to take full advantage of its capabilities. Examine, disassemble, restore, and extract what he could from it, then toss it on the far shelf where it would gather dust with the rest of the useless junk that had exhausted its usefulness.
Doom turned silently and walked off in the direction of his transport, absorbed in his thoughts. In his head he was already constructing thousands of schemes, formulas and verses of spells with which he would be able to realise his goal.
With a proud posture, the same heavy stride, and a grim, solemn look, Victor flew out of the camp while fifty wary eyes stared back at him with a combination of delight, fear, and respect.
***
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