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'Something tells me you and Saber would have gotten along well.' Shirou mused, sighing exasperatedly at the turn of events even as he turned to face the group "Can this wait until my shift is over?" he pleaded, tilting his head towards the kitchen "I'm sure you'd like to avoid drawing unnecessary attention too."
"Very well." Xenovia conceded, her expression stern as she rose from her seat "We shall await you at the fountain nearby." her eyes glinted beneath her hood "Don't try to run."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Shirou countered, stepping aside to let them past, only to grab Issei by the collar as the Pervert made to sneak after them "Where do you think you're going?" he demanded, dragging the struggling boy towards the kitchen "Not planning to eat and run, are we?"
"YOU FIEND!"
After-hours...
"So let me get this straight." Xenovia muttered, her expression disbelieving as the Faker finished his brief recap of everything he'd explained to Rias and Sona earlier that day, minus an in-depth explanation of his magecraft "You're a Heathen Magician with enough power to destroy an Excalibur," she pointedly ignored his attempt to correct her with 'Magus' and pressed on "Who was entrusted with a Holy Shroud in order to save your life?"
"More like 'prolong my suffering' but yeah." Shirou admitted, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the Shroud of Martin, Irina's eyes sparkling with interest, as she'd never been so close to a Holy Shroud before, whereas Xenovia's narrowed in confirmation "I have a…condition that can't be treated by modern medicine. The Shroud keeps that affliction in check, but it doesn't stop the damage that's already been done."
"I always wondered why you always wore a tracksuit even in summer." Kiba opined, his eyes locked on the Shroud inquisitively "I never would have imagined it was a Holy Shroud however."
"To be fair, I never would have anticipated sharing classes with a Devil either." Shirou chuckled, a sentiment shared by the rest of the group sans the Exorcists and Koneko, who was watching Xenovia warily "I trust this isn't going to be a problem, Xenovia-san?"
"By all rights I should be bringing you in and confiscating the shroud out of sheer principle." Xenovia muttered, the Devils tensing in preparation only for her to sigh "But as it stands I've already sinned by agreeing to co-operate with Devils. So long as you return the shards of Excalibur Rapidly, I'm sure God will forgive me for overlooking your Shroud at this juncture." She glanced up at the group's sigh of relief "Though for the record, I'll need to know the name of the Saint it belongs to."
"The priest who gave it to me called it the 'Shroud of Martin'." Shirou supplied dutifully, already making plans to skip town if need be should she go back on her word "I don't know if that means anything to you specifically, as I'm afraid I'm something of an atheist."
"An atheist he says…" Saji scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief "He's wearing an honest to God-ow! Fucking Hell - an actual Holy Shroud and he has the balls to claim he's an atheist while surrounded by Devils and Exorcists of the Church…"
"Blaspheme aside, the Devil has a point." Xenovia mused, the smile on her face that seemed oddly approving for some reason "You don't seem to understand your situation, do you?"
"You've already said you'll leave me be provided I return Rapidly to you and help you find the others." Shirou countered, channelling some of Archer's iron into his voice "You don't strike me as the type to go back on her word willingly without orders from the top, and even then I doubt you're the type to stab a man that fed you in the back."
"Urk-!" Xenovia choked, her features flushing as she tugged her hood lower to hide her blush, glaring pointedly at Irina, who was giggling off to the side "I-In any case, we've already received the Red Dragon Emperor's contact details from his mother…" she stammered, earning a cry of alarm from Issei "For the time being, we'll accompany you back to your place to retrieve Rapidly, then regroup to hunt down Freed."
"Fine with me, just let me call my caretaker so he doesn't get the wrong idea." Shirou sighed, pulling out his cell phone and hitting speed-dial "Hello? Yeah, it's me. Listen, you remember that stuff I brought home the other night? Well its owners came looking for it so I'll be bringing them over to pick it up…oh, you're out? Fishing? Well whatever, I'll be going out myself so you'll need to sort yourself out for Dinner." He sighed as he hung up "Coast's clear, he's gone out for the evening."
"Then let us move." Xenovia muttered, "The sooner we can secure the shards, the sooner we can focus on retrieving the rest of the blades."
"I'll head back to the church to begin making preparations." Irina offered, smiling cutely at the Issei in parting "Who knows, Issei-kun, maybe if you're lucky and you repent hard enough, God will forgive you for becoming a Devil and let you into Heaven."
"I may be an Atheist, but even I know that no matter how hard he repented for being a Devil, there's no way God would ever let a pervert like that into Heaven." Shirou deadpanned, a sentiment shared by Koneko and Saji, Kiba merely chuckling weakly while Issei flipped the redhead off heatedly as they went their separate ways.
And so Shirou's culinary expertise once again brings tsundere swordswomen to their knees.
He was praised by the King of Knights even before he gained Archer's expertise. You never stood a chance ladies.
Things should pick up next chapter but don't hold your breath waiting for it.
In the meantime? Stay awesome.
*Lights a Phantom Cigar and watches the world move*
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If you want to read ahead by 25 chapters from her you can visit my Patre-on.
{P} {A} {T} {R} {E} {O} {N}
https://patreon.com/Playerfanfic