"Bradon, I think it's best to go to your room. I'll bring you food in a little bit." The little boy nodded his head slowly in agreement. I watch as he walked. away, his small frail body trembling from fear. My heart ached knowing that I still have over 2 years till I can take him away from this abusive cycle that I have trapped us in.
I slowly walked towards the kitchen to find my my uncle chugging down bear like he'd die to tomorrow, which at this rate he probably would. Cans of bear were scattered everywhere, in the sink, on the floor and when I opened the fridge I saw them in there aswell. The smell of bear and cigarettes is and will always be pungent enough to make my eyes water. The sink was leaking out an even more repulsive smell and when I look I could see vomit. My eyes are dead at the sight, it's disgusting and I couldn't help but want to be sick aswell.
My Uncle was struggling not to walk in spinning circles.Yet he still managed to get out words of scolding."so you decide not to be late today." His voice is raised and it didn't help with my rising headache. I continued to glare at him, even though it doesn't do anything my anger still slips through occasionally. When I see my Uncle flayling about I can't but wonder how or why I ever let this man hit me. How did I feel even an ounce of fear? He looks like a kid screaming because of fly.
I constantly have to remind myself that I couldn't survive without the food this stranger brings home. A roof over my head is still a roof even if the person providing leaves thousands of stings. Atleast my brother has warmth at night.
"You need to cook us food, where's your brother. He ought to be taught a lesson for crying yesterday. He's so loud."
"I sent him to his room. I'll take his punishment instead." My body unconsciously makes me sound weak and pathetic, abusers enjoy seeing people look pathetic.
"If you go to school with another bandage I'll get in trouble."
Ha. So he knows what he's doing is wrong but he continues. I can't help but feel the resentment slowly bubbling. The pain my brother has to endure is for nothing, not even the anger for his dead brother that my uncle holds against. Its just made from nothing. He's a child. I can take it but not him.
I can't comprehend why and how people can believe in a so called Omnipotent god when suffering like this lives on in the world. If I were truly omnipotent I wouldn't watch as innocence people are abused by the elders in this 'hidden' hierarchical society. Why is the purity of the innocent forced to be stained to fit this worlds horrible standard.
After a little time, I watch as the old man approaches me a glass bottle in his hand. I didn't expect him to actually hit me with it, he's a little pussy in my eyes. Yet when the last drops of alcohol dampens my hair, and when the glass digs into my skin I realise I had been wrong. Abusers know no limits.
A few seconds later, the loud ringing of the doorbell echoed through my ears. I turn my head around to see my Uncle staring at me as if I was an idiot. He looks down on me as if im his puppet his slave. He couldn't care less if I have blood dripping down from the cuts he put there or if I had a piller wedged in my gut. Its all the same to him.
"What are you standing there for go get the door. You think I'm going to do it. Your being lazy. Once your done get your ass back to working." His words linger in my ears. I wasn't scared of him and Im not now. Yet the disappointment that I let my self get hurt because of an insignificant fool hits me harder then he ever could.
I continue to make eye contact with, I'm nothing more the a slave to him. His face turns to different shades of red as I stand doing nothing. The door bell rings again in the background, I don't care. I want peace but I want to see his anger even if its only in my small acts of rebellion. He doesn't care if I walk out looking like this with blood falling down my face. He probably thinks its Aunty coming home from 'drinking with friends.'
I slowly turn my head back round whilst making my way to the door steadily. The memories from seconds ago play again in my head and the throbbing pain starts to kick in.
I pull the door open, it feels heavier than usually, yet this time theirs a person on the other side pulling down the handle, trying to get in. The same person, who I constantly meet like their are strings of fate connecting us.
He looks at me painful, it takes me a minute to realise but by the look in his dark eyes, I can tell he heard the conversation, the loud shouts of my uncle, the sound of glass breaking.
Maybe I had caught myself in the illusion that I could make it through 2 more years of this, but as I stare at him the realisation is clear. I'm just a child too. I'm still one whether I was forced to grow up or not.
The light in my eyes dim and I can feel the air colliding with my body for a short moment before the warmth of another persons cold body catches me. How can someone with such cold skin feel so warm? My conscious slowly fades. Freedom, its beautiful. That's all I could think at that moment.
***
A small mumbling voice reached my ear, waking up my consciousness.
"Good morning."
I look up to see ashen hair falling downward and dark eyes staring directly back at mine. Oh it's asher. Whats he doing here?
As I look at him for a little longer, I see a blue dressing gown on him. Its looks incredible uncomfortable. It takes me a moment to realise he's in a hospital gown.
The lighting in the room was a dim blue colours. A strong sense of Déjà vu hits me every time I saw blue lights like these, as if I used to see them everyday. Maybe I did in the past, but all recollection of it was one. The brain often forces people to forget things they don't want to remember and frankly, there was no point trying to change that.
"Why are you here?"
The boy laughed lightly as if I was asking a stupid question, yet I didn't get the vibes that he was being rude. Maybe it brought me comfort to think that my genuine question wasn't seen as stupidity.
"I'm the one who brought you here. You known after you passed out. Actually its been 2 weeks since then. Your body went into shock atleast thats what I overheard the doctors saying. Anyway you went into a mini coma."
oh.
"That doesn't answer my question though, If it was 2 weeks ago why are you still here." I already realised that he's probably ill or sick because it would explain all his absences in his old school and now. However I asked to be sure because in reality it wouldn't be suprising if my uncle pulled the same stunt on him that he did me.
"Oh well see I have a longer term illness that happened to relapse." His voice had an unusually happen tone to it. It was like he didn't care. Maybe it's just for the foreseeable future and he knows it won't last forever. Yet these thoughts still couldn't cure the uneasy feeling I had. For some reason the idea of him being sick for the long-term made me upset.
After a little while my thoughts trailed off to my brother. Fuck, I left him alone with my uncle.
"Brother."
"huh, Ohhhhh Yeh your brother. He's with my Mum don't worry. I didn't mean to eves-drop but It didn't seem like your uncle was a particularly good person."
"Why?"
"Didn't I just explain why?"
"No not that. . .Why are you helping me, why were you at my house that day. Just why?"
" I don't know I just felt like helping, and I just happened to be walking past your house. Do people need a reaon to help others?."
"We both know that that's a lie. People don't just help others especially not the people who are granted the reputation of the cold, antisocial person who talked to nobody not even to answer someone else's question, not even on the fisrt day "
"You don't know that."
"You know what yes, your right. But I don't mean to seem self centered when I say this, but when a person I just met 2 weeks ago keeps appearing in my life its hard to believe he just 'happened to be infornt of my house' or 'just happened to want to help out."
"Maybe you were right. Maybe I was lying, but why does it matter your brother's safe and so are you."
"It does matter though."
Silence followed shortly after, It felt almost deafening. The built of the all emotions I had ever felt, the ones I had ever so desperately tryed to hide were quickly reaching the top of the jar. It wouldn't take much to spill.
The tall boy before her slowly sighed, he admitted to his lies yet was still unwilling to tell the truth. Instead he brushed it off as if it was insignificant.
"The doctor wanted to talk to you. Its best I leave and get him."
"wait."
The figure that walked away felt so distant, his body slowly turned around looking back at me. He smiled softly, but pain was mixed in there too.
Why had he smiled like that?. It was a small, unknown mystery to myself. However it triggeed something. I felt it so clearly, Something within me had shifted.
***
"Mesai, you got lucky. You didn't gain any brain damage or life altering injuries. You had have alot of blood loss though and went into shock. You'll be staying at the hospital for another 2 weeks. If everything looks good you'll be discharged then." The doctors voice is filled with sympathy, yet it's hard to determind how real it actually was. They've seen enough to be emotional dead.
I nod my head. Not that I want to though, A full fortnight filled with loud noises and horrible smellss, headaches from these lights that surround me. Its overwhelming.
"I don't know the full extend to the incident but the police are investigating."
I allow a small sigh to escape, the fear of what is unknown and what is yet to happen hits me. Peace, control and freedom. A combination so impossible. I want to be able to control the situation I'm in but I can't even protect my brother. Peace, I want to be left alone but I also want the freedom to spread my wings without judgement. Even if everybody else doesn't realise it, these three things can't co-exist in the same body. Now I have not even one of those things.
I won't be left alone now, the bombardment of questions won't end till I move away from my uncle. However then I'll be forced to separate from my brother. I'll have to go into foster care. People don't want 2 siblings especially not when one is older and going to move out soon. They'll want the young well behaved child, nobody wants the abused victim who's a whole ocean which can't be understood. I don't ever be free from the adults who look at me with pitying looks but won't try to help. Hypocrites. I won't be in control of the situation.
"I know it's going to be stressful I'm sorry. However saying sorry doesn't fix this. I can't look after two children while working as many shifts as I can. I can listen if you need someone to talk to." The doctor is a tall younger looking adult. Probably about 30 yet his dark eye bags and tired face makes him look beyond his age.
"I've been through enough to give you some good advice. Plus you have a good friend, he seems to be good to you anyway."
"Sir your busy enough I don't need help anyway. I can handle this." My voice is dead as per usual. In my first year of highschool I had the school therapist constantly after me, making sure I was mentally okay because I sounded lifeless, monotone. She didn't leave me alone until I made up an exuse which she should have probably had checked but she was probably to shocked to do anything. I told her "Miss, I, a sociopath don't have many emotions to show." Once that lie came out she stopped chasing me. I still wonder if she's told someone, if she did I'm sure the issue would have been escalated a lot more.
The doctor slowly nodded, not fully accepting my answer.
"Mhm, Mesai just so you know, emotions only come back stronger the more you try to hide them. People searched oceans thinking they were lakes. Some water is deaper then it seems, its no different for humans."
My legs halt in their tracks, I had thought the conversation was over but his low spoken words hit. He was right.
"Sir what's your name?"
I look around to meet the doctors meaningful look.
"Raphael."
"You don't look like one but I guess it fits."
Confusion slowly washes into his face.He doesn't need to understand, thats okay. It was just a coincidence. Yet.
There was an angel named Raphael.