I was dreaming again.
I knew that because I was sitting in the old living room from my past life as Reshi.
My mother was there, humming softly as she washed the dishes.
It was a soft, lulling melancholic tune. I closed my eyes, letting the melody wash over me like a warm tide.
Oh how I missed that song.
I had been scared of the dark as a child. My imagination had always been overactive, conjuring monsters in every shadow.
But whenever it became too much, there she would be. Humming softly over my bed, softly stroking my hair until sleep finally took me.
The hum was more than a song.
It was safety.
A warm promise of comfort, and family.
A melody that would always protect me from the monsters, whether they were under my bed…or out there, in the world.
Then I grew older, and before I knew it, I was one of those monsters. A monster forged by the Republic, moving only in the night. Instead of claws I had guns, and instead of a roar, I was heralded by the sound of mortar.
And yet, even those dark nights. When I was in the very worst places of the war. Where the monsters were no longer in my dark imagination, but out there, surrounding me in formations.
On those nights.
When artillery thundered, and gunfire ripped through the air. When sleep was a luxury barely afforded…on those nights…
I would hum….
Clinging to the memory of warmth and safety that it had always used to provide.
That melody, it was another thing that had died with my family. So despite knowing this was all a dream, that none of it was real…
I couldn't bear to wake up.
Because something waited for me out there, in the real world.
A monster.
Painful and sinister, skirting the edges of my sleep, waiting for me to face it.
Only…I wasn't sure if I could this time.
"I don't want to wake up."
My mother turned, her warm eyes shimmering. "Why, Resh?"
"There's a monster waiting for me" I whispered.
My mom laughed, rich and warm. A sound so familiar, so missed, it nearly broke me.
"You used to say the same thing when you were little," she said. "You'd cry, terrified to close your eyes because you thought monsters would come for you in your nightmares."
"No, it's not the same Mom. Everything's changed. I was wrong. The monster…they aren't in the nightmares, they never were."
She walked over, sitting beside me, placing a gentle hand on my face. "Perhaps. But there's another thing that's changed too, isn't there?"
I frowned. "What is it?"
"You're no longer a child?"
Her hand cradled my cheek, thumb brushing away the unseen weight in my expression.
"If there is a monster, it doesn't matter if it's in the dark, day or dreams. I know you'll be able to face it."
"H-how do you know?"
Her smile was soft but certain.
"Because you're my son."
..........
My eyes snapped open.
Exhaustion slammed into me like a wave, dragging me down, but I fought against it, forcing myself to stay awake.
My body felt like lead, my limbs sluggish and weak.
My punishment, for pushing myself too far.
I turned my head and saw Felt sitting beside my bed, his expression shifting from surprise to relief.
There was only one thing on my mind. One question that burned.
"M—" I rasped.
Felt leaned forward. "Don't talk, you need to rest.."
"M—Mar."
"What?"
"M-Ma-arsh," I managed to say, my voice hoarse.
Felt's face darkened slightly. "Arthur…do you remember what happened, before you passed out?"
I frowned, trying to piece it together.
I had been running—Marsh had been in danger. A MageKnight had been about to kill him.
But then I had run out of mana, and after that…nothing.
"N-no," I admitted, my voice growing stronger.
Felt sighed. "I thought so. There was an explosion."
My stomach clenched. "An explosion?"
Felt nodded grimly. "We don't know what caused it. It was powerful, incredibly so. Everyone caught in the blast died. Except you and Noah."
A sharp, ice-cold panic crawled up my spine. "Marsh?"
Felt hesitated. "We couldn't find his body. But… it's assumed he didn't make it. He was at the center."
I turned my head away quickly, so he wouldn't see my expression. Pain, sharp and unbearable, seemed to wrap around my chest like a claw squeezing my chest.
"I—I see," I said hollowly, fighting to keep my voice steady. Grief settled down in my stomach, heavy and undeniable.
Felt squeezed my shoulder in quiet support.
"H-how did I survive, then? If Marsh…"
"Noah managed to shield you at the last moment—"
"Noah?"
Felt held up a hand. "Don't worry. He's alive."
"Haah" I exhaled, relieved.
"Where is he?"
"He recovered pretty quickly, so he's in the barracks now."
I nodded, trying to push myself up. The movement sent a wave of dizziness crashing over me.
"Whoa, whoa. You still need rest."
"NO!" I cut in, my voice louder and sharper than I had meant. "T-There's something I need to do."
I met Felt's gaze steadily. "Something I have to do."
He studied me for a long moment, then sighed. "…I'm coming with."
With his help, I got up, leaning heavily against him for support.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
The two of us made our way to the corner of the city, to the shadow of an abandoned building.
To a place that looked abandoned on first appearance.
I had only been here once before—with Marsh.
There were two crosses there, made of twigs.
I knelt in front of them, feeling empty. As if I had been hollowed out.
Felt stood behind me, silent.
Marsh's face burned in my mind, seared into my thoughts. So young. And bright, he was a rare light in this place. Always kind, always happy.
He was the first person in this place who didn't treat me as Arthur Gravewalker. Just, Arthur. Marsh had been the only damn silver lining in this shitty world. The one piece of proof that perhaps something brighter could exist in this hellhole.
The only one who had done me no wrong. Not even a dark word whispered behind my back.
I tried to think of something to say, something that would feel right.
But nothing but two came to mind. Two weak and pathetic words.
"I'm sorry."
Such empty words. Hollow, like me. Nothing I could say would be enough. Nothing would ever be enough.
"I'm so sorry."
Felt placed a hand on my shoulder. "Here."
I turned to see two sticks, lashed together into the shape of a cross. I took them with numb fingers, my mind barely registering the motion.
Felt helped me dig a small hole in front of the other two. We placed the cross in the dirt, filling it carefully.
Three crosses now.
Three deaths.
I swallowed hard, my voice barely a whisper. "Rest well, Marsh. You lie now with heroes and great men."
For a long while I sat there. Not saying anything, not thinking anything. Just sitting, staring at a third cross in the ground, a cross that should never have been made.
The sky darkened as we turned to leave.
Felt draped my arm over his shoulder, helping me walk back.
I barely noticed where we were going.
I lifted a hand to my cheek, expecting to feel the wetness of tears.
It was dry.
..........
Together, Felt and I walked into the Unit 7 barracks.
The moment we entered, every head turned toward me. I avoided their gazes, already expecting what I'd find—hatred, disgust, disdain.
That's what they all held. All but Marsh.
Instead, I fixed my eyes on my bed. My armor, spear, and dagger had been placed neatly beside it.
"Rest," Felt said softly, guiding me down.
I nodded weakly. He helped me into my bed. The second my head touched the pillow, I was asleep again.
---
When I woke, the night was still draped over the city.
Moonlight cascaded through the windows, an iridescent waterfall of silvery serenity. I blinked groggily, trying to gauge the time.
Judging by the sky, I couldn't have slept long. Yet, despite that, I felt markedly better.
Either I was healing fast… or I had been asleep the entire day.
"Shit," I muttered, sitting up too quickly. A wave of dizziness nearly knocked me back down. I steadied myself, scanning for my armor.
It was gone.
"What the—?" I murmured, searching around. "It was right there."
'Fuck it.' I'd go without it.
I turned toward the door—and stopped.
Someone was there, leaning against the frame. He was shorter than most of the squad but still taller than me.
Dark, curly hair framed his round, slightly tanned face, and his deep-set eyes studied me with an unreadable expression.
'Mat.' I was pretty sure that was his name.
I moved to step past him, but he didn't budge.
"Move," I snarled. I had no patience for this. No patience for any of them. Especially not Unit 7.
Mat shook his head. "Felt said you're not to leave."
"What?" I snapped incredulously.
I turned, intent on waking Felt up—only to see he was already standing—along with the rest of Unit 7
"Can't let you leave, Arthur. You need to rest."
"I just fucking woke up!"
My voice was sharp, desperate. Panic clawed at my chest. I needed to be out there. I needed to help.
Every second I wasted here meant more people dying—like Sera had. Like Marsh had.
Felt crossed his arms. "Yeah, and look at you. You still look like you're going to faint."
I dropped my gaze for a second, knowing he had a point.
I was exhausted. I knew what happened when you pushed past the breaking point. But I couldn't just lie back down. I couldn't give up.
"I'm fine," I snapped. 'Mana burst' I activated silently.
Instantly, energy flooded my limbs, sharpening my senses. I stood straighter, meeting Felt's gaze with icy defiance.
"Is this an intervention?" I asked, voice dripping with venom. "Since when did any of you care about my safety?"
A few of them flinched. I relished it.
Felt sighed, rubbing his temples. "You're right. We were wrong—about you, about what we did. Everything. Is that what you want to hear? Fine. I'm sorry. Now, go back to sleep."
I laughed, cold and sharp. "You think I give a crap about your sorry? I just told you—I'm fine. Look at me. Now. Let. Me. Go."
Felt ignored me, turning to Petro, the massive blonde man with a build like a tank.
"Petro?"
Petro studied me, then nodded. "Yeah, it's activated."
Felt exhaled. "Thought so."
I frowned. "What do you mean, it's activated?"
A new voice cut in.
"It means you've been overusing mana surge to keep yourself going. Damaging your body in the process."
Noah.
I turned away from his gaze.
"So?" I bit back. "Nothing wrong with using my skills."
Felt gave a small, knowing smile. "But you haven't just been using it, have you? You've had it activated almost perpetually.
Don't bother lying—we've been watching you.
We know about the rebel you spoke to. We know you've been staying out all night. We know you haven't been sleeping, that you've been overusing your skill. And don't try to deny it."
He stepped closer, placing a firm hand on my shoulder. "What you're doing—it's not being a hero. It's not even doing the right thing. It's just guilt, Arthur. And if you keep this up, you'll die before you realize just how wrong you are."
I clenched my jaw. When Sera died, I don't think I cried. When Marsh died, I hadn't cried.
But now, for some reason… my eyes burned, my throat constricting.
"So what if it is?" I whispered, voice cracking. "A guilty conscience doesn't make it wrong."
"Maybe," Felt said gently. "But it is wrong when it kills you. And it will, Arthur. Make no mistake."
Before I knew it, tears were falling. Silent. Unstoppable.
"I need to save them," I choked out.
Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. "And you will," Felt murmured. "But you need to do it right. That way, you'll survive long enough to have a real impact."
I clung to him.
For the first time, I let the grief and guilt pour out. Faces swam in my mind—my family as Reshi. Mary. Judas. Sera. Marsh.
How many had I failed?
Finally, I pulled away, wiping my eyes. For the first time in a long time, I looked at Unit 7.
Really looked at them.
And what I saw stunned me.
Not hatred. Not disgust, not even apprehension.
There was sadness. Shame. And maybe… respect.
I wonder how long their gazes had been like this?
"S-Sorry," I stammered, wiping my tears hastily.
Mat laughed. "Don't worry about it. You should've seen the way Caster cried after his first battle."
Laughter erupted around the room.
Castor, an average-sized man with dark hair and sharp orange eyes, glared at Mat. "I didn't—"
"Oh, shut up, Cas," Petro cut in. "I was awake when Felt had to comfort you that night. You were literally bawling for your mommy."
More laughter. Even I found myself chuckling, joining in with Noah.
I met Noah's eyes. He nodded.
I nodded back.
And in that moment, I knew—I had one other friend.
Or perhaps, we had been friends for a while.
But I'd just been too busy drowning under my own burdens to be able to notice that there had been someone else, waiting for the chance to carry them with me.