Narrowing her gaze, Ahamya's Grandma noticed something in Ahmaya, not with her eyes… but with her knowing, There's nothing physically there—no bruise, no wound, no mark.
Something in her stirred, a knowing she couldn't explain. Her gut told her that Ahmaya has crossed time.
.
Kitbok's mother sets up the first meeting right away because he told her he wants to meet the girl three times before they get married.
Kitbok sees her sitting by the window in the drawing room, with sunlight reflecting on her hair.
She stands up respectfully as he enters. He catches a glimpse of her face, gentle with a small grin.
They are seated in front of each other, holding mugs of tea in their hands. He questions her about her education, family, and favourite books. He likes how she answers every question quietly and honestly, yet it appears no answer is reaching to him, they are just passing by.
And all the while, he keeps thinking of Ahmaya.
Ahmaya, whose laughter spills out like a song he can never forget. Ahmaya, who look at him as if she can read every secret of his heart. And yet again without warning, she is there in his thoughts…like she never left. He remembers the way she tilted her head when she teased him, the light in her eyes when she spoke of her dreams.
He looks into this other girl's eyes, hoping to find a little tint of the warmth he feels with Ahmaya. But there is nothing…. just polite… calmness and a careful distance that neither of them knows how to cross.
Maybe he needs to see her again to give this marriage proposal a chance.
But as he gets up and thanks her for her time, his heart feels dull, depressed.
No matter how often he sees her, he just knows, she is not Ahmaya, she can't be.
A day passes. And the day of their second meeting arrives.
Kitbok, stressed, sits in front of the girl again. There is an uneasy and thick silence between them.
Finally, she looks up and speak softly.
"Before marriage, meeting like this feels…awkward," she says, her fingers fidgeting. "It's not really considered appropriate. When I first heard you wanted to meet me, I was hesitant. But after meeting you, I felt more relaxed."
Kitbok forces a small, hollow smile.
Can I really marry her without feeling anything? Kitbok wonders, the question pressing heavy against his ribs. If I had never met Ahmaya, would I have fallen in love with this girl after marrying her, just as my family insists?
He studies the delicate curve of her hands resting in her lap. Would I be able to forget Ahmaya once this is official? Would time erase the memory of her voice, her smile?
She noticed the silence.
"Is something wrong?" she asks gently, searching his face.
"No," he says quickly, forcing his voice steady. He lifts his gaze and tries to summon a smile. "No, nothing at all."
He clears his throat and gropes for any topic, any distraction that might disguise the turmoil inside him.
"So…do you enjoy travelling?" he asks.
That day goes by in a dull blur.
The third and last meeting comes up faster than Kitbok thought it would.
They are sitting in the drawing room with a small tray of sweets between them. Her younger sister comes and goes, trying to lighten the mood. But each breath feels heavier than the last like it is draining him bit by bit.
Finally, he finds the last bit of courage he has. He puts down his cup.
"I…I am sorry," he says, his voice low.
The girl looks up, confused. "What?...Why?"
He hesitantly, with guilt says, "I'm so sorry I thought that maybe if we met, I would feel something for you. That I would.....I would fall in love with you....just as I did with..." He pauses, then breathes out. "But it's not happening. I can't make it happen. You are great, but..."
He can't look at her anymore, so he lowers his eyes.
"I love someone else. Someone I can't stop thinking about."
The room goes quiet. He can feel her confusion, and it makes the shame on his face burn even more.
"I know I'm being selfish. I know this isn't how things are supposed to be. Please…please…. forgive me," he says softly. "You deserve someone who will really love you. I told my mom I wouldn't make a mess, but... I am not able to pretend anymore."
At home, the storm waits for him.
His father's hand hits his cheek so hard that his vision goes white.
"People are already whispering about your affair with that widow Pushpa, and now this?" his father seethes, voice shaking. "Who will give you their daughter now? You've shamed us. You've ruined everything. An affair with a jinxed widow—cheee, I can't believe you. You've made us lose our face."
Kitbok has no defense. He has no words for them or for himself.
In a quiet, angry conversation, his family decides that he will go to England to study more. Far away, out of everyone's sight.
He doesn't fight. There's nothing else to say.
After all, he and Ahmaya have no future together either.
His family keeps him locked inside the house until he leaves for England in a few months.
Kitbok thinks about Ahmaya and his future all the time.
He tells himself that he has to leave everything behind, even though his heart doesn't want to.