I woke up this morning with the kind of clarity that only comes after a full-on emotional breakdown and a cup of the strongest coffee I could find. I still don't know exactly what I'm doing, but at least I'm finally taking control of this mess.
Eli. Olivia. Me. All tangled up in one big, dysfunctional knot.
But I'm not waiting anymore. I'm done standing around while they both tiptoe around their feelings and pretend like this is all just a little misunderstanding.
No. Today, I'm making a decision.
And if it's the wrong one, well, at least I can say I tried.
---
The day passes slowly, each minute dragging as I keep replaying every conversation, every moment with Eli. I can't stop thinking about what Olivia said. She wasn't just playing a game; she was making sure I knew that I was in way over my head.
I'm starting to think she's right, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm already too deep to just back out now.
I've been avoiding Eli all day, partly because I don't know how to talk to him right now and partly because I'm afraid I'll cave and let him fix things. He's good at that—making you forget the mess you're in and convincing you it'll all work out in the end.
But I'm not looking for a 'fix.' I'm looking for honesty. And I'm looking for him to decide what he wants. Not for me to wait around while he makes up his mind.
By late afternoon, I can't take it anymore. I send him a text:
We need to talk.
I don't know why I still care about this, but I do. So much.
Within minutes, he responds.
Meet me at the park in 30 minutes.
Of course, it's a park. Where else do we have our "deep conversations"?
---
I arrive at the park and immediately spot Eli sitting on the bench under the giant oak tree where we had our first fake date. He looks casual, as always—jeans, T-shirt, the kind of look that says, "I'm not trying to impress anyone." But today, there's something different about him. A nervous energy around him that makes me feel a little uneasy.
I take a deep breath and walk over. When I sit down beside him, the air between us feels charged with everything that hasn't been said.
"You wanted to talk?" I say, trying to keep my voice neutral, but failing miserably.
Eli glances at me, his face tight. "Yeah. About… all of this."
I nod, feeling the weight of his words press down on my chest. "All of this." I repeat, the words sounding so much heavier than they should.
He pauses, rubbing his hands together, clearly trying to find the right thing to say. "Avery… I don't know what I'm doing anymore. With Olivia, with you, with all of this. I never meant to drag you into this mess."
I swallow hard, fighting the urge to scream at him. This is exactly what I was afraid of: him waffling between the two of us, never really choosing. "You've already done it, Eli. You've dragged me in. And now I have to figure out how to get out."
"I'm not trying to hurt you," he says, his voice low.
"Then why does it feel like you are?" I'm already regretting how harsh I sound, but I don't care. I need him to understand. "I don't want to be in this weird, twisted love triangle, Eli. I want to know that I matter to you."
His face tightens, and for a moment, he just stares at me. It's like he's processing everything I've just said. It's the first time I've seen him truly struggle to find the words.
"I care about you, Avery," he says slowly. "I just… I don't know if I'm ready for something real."
There it is.
I nod slowly, trying to steady the sudden rush of emotions that threaten to overwhelm me. This is what I was afraid of. This is the truth I wasn't sure I could face. "Then we're done, Eli."
He looks at me in shock. "What?"
"If you don't know if you're ready for something real," I say, my voice steady but my heart racing, "then I'm not going to keep pretending this is something it's not."
There's a long pause, and for a moment, I think I might have made the wrong choice. But then, Eli speaks again, and this time, his voice sounds different. More honest. More sure of himself.
"I'm scared," he admits, finally looking me in the eyes. "I'm scared of what happens next, of messing things up again."
I can't help but feel a little sympathy for him. He's not the only one terrified of what's next.
"You're not the only one scared," I say, my voice softer now. "But if we keep pretending like we're okay with this, we're just going to end up hurting each other more."
Eli looks away, running a hand through his hair. "I don't want to lose you, Avery."
"I don't want to lose myself either," I reply, standing up. "You need to figure out what you want, Eli. Because if you don't, I'm not sticking around for the chaos."
And with that, I walk away, not looking back.
---
I can't believe I just did that.
But in a way, I feel lighter. Like the weight of this whole situation has been lifted, at least for now.
I've made my choice. Now, it's up to him to make his.
Eli's next move is crucial, and I don't know if I'm ready for what's coming.