So, guess what happened right after we got officially welcomed into the rebellion?
Orientation.
Yes. Orientation. Like we just joined a freakin' company.
Teppei turned into this HR guy showing us around the Resistance camp while listing random rules like "Don't throw exploding artifacts into the medical tent" and "Please refrain from using elemental powers on cooking fires unless you're certified."
I was half-listening. Mostly because Lumine was already busy helping the wounded and looking like a radiant field medic goddess.
Me? They told me not to touch anything.
Which is fair, because I tried to help a guy with a dislocated shoulder and somehow made it worse. I swear I followed the tutorial in my head—turns out that tutorial was from a fighting game. Not real life.
"Shigeru, maybe just... go find something useful," Lumine said, gently pushing me away like a dangerous toddler with a sword.
So I did.
Behold—the power of the Infinite Bag! (Which is technically just my phone)
While Lumine played Doctor Traveler, I rummaged through my bag of chaos and produced weird but allegedly useful ingredients. Wolfhooks for blood clotting. Dendrobium for who knows what. Even pulled out an Onikabuto—which I originally kept to challenge Itto to a beetle fight. But hey, if it helps someone not die, I guess it can be a health bug today.
The medics actually used my weird loot. I felt like a proud scavenger raccoon. Useful for once!
"Is that a beetle?" asked a medic.
"Not just a beetle," I grinned. "This little guy's gonna win me a beetle brawl championship with Arataki Itto someday."
"...It's missing a leg."
"Battle scars."
After Lumine saved half the wounded and I contributed an entire mushroom and a rock I swore looked medicinal.
"Wow, Shigeru! Where'd you even get all these?" Teppei asked.
"Bushes," I replied.
He blinked. "...All of them?"
"Yup. Bushes are nature's lootboxes."
After helping the wounded (Lumine did 90% of the work but I gave 100% commentary), Teppei dragged us to the training area.
"Today's practice is archery," he said. "Think you're up for it?"
"Yes!" I yelled, shoving a trainee out of the way. "Move over, noobs. Papa's home."
I summoned a Geo bow—yes, you heard me, forged a freakin' bow out of rocks—and started machine-gunning arrows like I was auditioning for some kind of Anime Hunger Games.
BOOM. BULLSEYE.
BOOM. HEADSHOT.
BOOM. That dummy is now on fire. Don't ask why.
I was channeling every ounce of muscle memory from Mountain Shaper's training. Turns out nearly dying repeatedly in a hellscape of boulders does make you a better archer.
"I'm not saying I'm a god," I announced, flexing unnecessarily, "but the bow agrees with me."
The Sangonomiya samurai stared like I just turned water into wine. Lumine even gave me an actual compliment.
Lumine blinked. "Did the Mountain Shaper actually teach you this?"
"Yeah. With fire, traps, and an unreasonable number of birds."
The resistance trainees looked at me like I was some kind of mythical beast.
"Wow," one of them whispered. "Is he... actually talented?"
"Talent's a strong word," Lumine muttered.
"Insanity is a type of talent," I corrected.
"Okay... that was kind of impressive."
"See?" I smirked. "Told you. I'm a man of many talents. Most of them, dangerous. Some of them... kinda hot."
Paimon floated by, munching on dried fish. "You're still an idiot though."
"An idiot with aim."
Just as I was about to shoot a smiley face into the side of a tree using arrows, a Resistance soldier came sprinting over, looking like he just saw a ghost riding a Ruin Guard.
"Sir! Trouble! The Shogun's Army is attacking! The camp's still got too many wounded—we can't let them break through!"
Teppei's face went pale. "What?! Impossible! How did they get past the scouts?"
Lumine immediately went into hero mode. I, however, had a different reaction.
"YES!" I yelled, fist-pumping. "Finally! Someone I can legally punch again!"
Lumine sighed. "You're thinking violence again, aren't you?"
"I was born thinking violence."
We rushed to the frontlines. Well, Lumine rushed. I skipped. Because dramatic entrances matter. The moment I saw the first batch of Shogunate soldiers, I was already mid-air, chucking a geo spear like a maniac.
They scattered. One guy tried to parry and got launched into a tree. Good attempt though.
Lumine sliced through their ranks like a graceful tornado, and I? Well, I went full chaos gremlin.
Slamming a geo claymore into the ground, I sent a ripple of stone that flung three dudes upward. Switched to anemo, pulled another batch into a whirlpool. Then casually zapped them with electro.
I was like an all-you-can-beat elemental buffet.
"BOOM! ZAP! YEET!"
A guy lunged at me. I ducked and tripped him with a rock. He face-planted into a pile of crates labeled 'fragile.' Irony.
Another charged at Lumine. I blinked and suddenly she was behind him. Guy didn't even get to say "huh?" before getting cut down.
"Corner! They're coming from the left!" Teppei yelled.
"I got it!" I called.
I summoned another geo spear and hurled it like a javelin. BOOM. It knocked out three guys like bowling pins. One poor soul flew into a fish cart. There were fish everywhere. Screaming. Slipping. Chaos.
"Sorry, fish guy!" I yelled. "Collateral damage!"
"By the gods," gasped one of the trainees. "He's a menace."
"Correction," I said, holding up the branch like a sword. "I'm a legendary menace.
After a few more minutes of pure anime nonsense, we had them surrounded. Or rather, they were scattered across the camp like confetti.
One dude tried to crawl away. I gently patted his shoulder.
"You fought well, brave soldier. But today's not your day."
He passed out.
Teppei arrived, breathless. "You... you two are monsters."
"Correction," I said. "She's a goddess. I'm the court jester with bombs."
Lumine rolled her eyes but smiled. Paimon floated down with the most tired expression I've seen.
"He's a battle junkie now," she whispered. "Mountain Shaper broke him."
"Broke me into something beautiful," I grinned. "This is my final form."
Paimon sighed. "You're gonna get us all killed one day."
"Yup," Lumine nodded. "But at least it'll be hilarious."
And just like that, we sent the Shogunate soldiers packing. The camp was safe—for now.
I stood in the middle of the battlefield, cracked my neck, stretched my arms, and asked the most important question:
"Who's ready for round two?"
***
t's official. Teppei's back at it again with his Shonen Protagonist Wannabe Energy.
"Well, we managed to hold them off..."
I turned to him with the slowest, most judgmental side-eye ever recorded in the history of Teyvat.
Hold them off?
BRO. We didn't hold them off. We yeeted them off the mountain like last week's trash! They didn't retreat—they respawned at their nearest Statue of the Seven!
But I didn't say that out loud because, y'know, morale and friendship and all that. Instead, I just gave him a nod. A very sarcastic nod.
Teppei then went all Sherlock Holmes on us.
"But what would the Shogun's Army be doing here? We have sentries and patrols all around the perimeter. The enemy should never be able to reach us this far unnoticed. Unless... we have a traitor in our midst."
Ah, here it comes. The classic anime betrayal arc. Cue dramatic music. DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!
He continued, chest puffed out like a discount detective:
"They must have an informant feeding them intelligence. That's the only possible explanation. Our priority is finding the agent and protecting the camp. This is my chance to show what I'm made of!"
Honestly?
This is why I like this guy.
He's a smartypants with the combat power of a soggy mushroom, but he's got the heart of a true warrior. Or at least a support-type NPC with really good dialogue.
A messenger ran up, looking like he sprinted across the whole freakin' island.
"I just returned from inspecting the perimeter. Several portions of our defensive walls were already collapsed. The Shogun's Army must've known about this vulnerability and made their way over the cliffs before attacking. I suggest we repair the walls and double the guard."
See, that is useful information. 10/10 delivery. No fluff.
Teppei nodded like a true team player.
"Understood. Leave the repairs to us. We can use the wood and rope nearby to patch up the defenses."
I patted his shoulder with all the seriousness of a toddler trying to imitate their dad.
"Yep. You got this, buddy. If anything goes wrong—just scream and run back to us. Preferably while waving your arms in the air like a headless chicken."
He saluted. I don't think he got the sarcasm.
Anyway, I turned to Lumine and Paimon, gave them the Cool Anime Protagonist Nod™, and off we went.
"Where are you going?" Teppei asked.
I grinned.
"Where else? To the front lines. Where the party's at."
—
Musoujin Gorge.
Dramatic cliffs. Tension in the air. Everyone's sweaty. Perfect battlefield vibes.
And standing dead center like it's some Wild West showdown?
Kujou Sara and Gorou. Staring each other down. The tension? Palpable. The air? Thick.
Kujou Sara squinted. "So you're the only one here? Hmm... I thought I might get to meet your grand strategist. She's the one that's been causing our forces so much trouble."
Flattery, much?
"The fact the resistance has even held out this long is thanks to her. But soon, it will fall. Your schemes mean nothing now."
At that exact moment, a huge geo spear stabbed into the ground from the heavens like someone just cast Ultimate Move: Dramatic Entrance™.
Guess who rode that thing down like a badass?
ME.
I stood at the tip of the spear, arms crossed, cape flapping dramatically (even though I wasn't wearing one), and said:
"Kokofish ain't here yet. But a new reinforcement has arrived."
Then Lumine appeared next to Gorou and said the most iconic thing since Paimon got called emergency food.
"We have come to help."
Power. Grace. Protagonist aura.
Then I? I pulled out my Amenoma Kageuchi with enough swagger to drown a Hilichurl.
My geo spears lit up—this time fused with Anemo and Electro.
Kujou Sara narrowed her eyes. "You..."
I grinned like a gremlin on caffeine.
"Enough chitchat. Let's get this party STARTED."
And then I hurled spears like confetti at a Liyue wedding.
Boom. The war erupted.
Lumine went full Super Saiyan. Gorou barked (literally?) commands. The Resistance charged. The Shogun's Army looked like they suddenly remembered they left their stove on.
I was in full berserker mode—flicking, dashing, spear-throwing, flipping mid-air like a caffeinated ninja on fire, and laughing like a maniac who'd chugged an entire crate of dango milk teas while being electrocuted by his own bad life choices. Every move I made caused a mini-earthquake, an elemental light show, or a grown man to scream in existential horror. I wasn't just fighting—I was breakdancing on the battlefield, chaos incarnate in anime form.
Kujou Sara shouted, "Soldiers! Counterattack! Glory to the Shogun and her everlasting reign!"
Me? I screamed back:
"CRUSH THEM! FUCK THEM AND THEIR BOOBA ARCHON UP!"
...Yeah. Everyone, including the enemies, paused.
Kujou Sara blinked. The Resistance blinked. Even the birds stopped mid-flight.
I scratched my head and coughed.
"I-I mean... Uh... CHARGE! Like suicidal idiots! LET'S GO!"
Lumine facepalmed so hard I think I heard her soul leave her body.
Paimon floated slightly away from me like, 'Paimon don't know this guy.'
Gorou just turned to the squad. "You heard him! Engage! Push them back further!"
And then, total chaos.
I was using my Geo-infused bow now, each draw crackling with the fury of the elements. The moment I let an arrow fly, it sliced through the wind like a thunderous whip—fused with Anemo and Electro, the arrows detonated on impact with blinding flashes, gusts of wind, and electric bursts that sent soldiers flying like ragdolls. One poor guy got launched so high, I swear I saw him wave goodbye midair. Every shot was a Michael Bay movie packed into a single second. Explosions. Lightning. Screams. A Resistance archer somewhere behind me muttered, "Is that guy even real?" Yes, I am. And I'm fabulous.
Even while outnumbered, we were dominating.
I saw Gorou watching me, eyes wide like he'd just witnessed a talking Abyss Lector doing karaoke.
"He's... an idiot. But a powerful idiot," he muttered.
Lumine and Paimon? Both nodded solemnly.
"That's accurate," Lumine said. "He once tried to cook sweet madame using a Pyro slime explosion."
Rude but true.
The Shogunate was falling back fast—like dominoes in a hurricane. Their formations broke with every elemental blast, shields splintering, screams echoing over the gorge like a chorus of panic.
Morale? Shattered. Crumbling faster than a week-old rice ball left in the sun, stomped on, then launched off a cliff by a raging Geo spear. Soldiers tripped over one another trying to flee, some dropping their weapons, others diving for cover like someone yelled "incoming midterms." It was beautiful. Chaotic. Absolutely unhinged. Just the way I like it.
Kujou Sara gritted her teeth. She hated this. I could tell.
So naturally, I started taunting her.
"PATHETIC! You think you can beat me?! I squared up with your booba sword Archon and lived!"
WHACK. Lumine smacked the back of my head.
"FOCUS."
"I am focusing! On being epic."
"Focus on not dying."
Fair enough.
A few minutes later, the last of the Shogunate troops scattered like cockroaches under a lantern.
We stood at the cliff's edge, victorious.
Some Resistance member behind me whispered:
"That guy... he's a monster."
I turned to them, eyebrow raised.
"A sexy monster. Get it right."
—
Victory was ours.
Still no cape, though. This injustice shall not stand.
__________________________
End of Chapter 57
Quests Completed:
*Respond to a surprise assault from the Shogunate without pre-battle preparation.
*Land so hard you crack the ground (and maybe your own spine).
* Use terrain creatively to split enemy forces.
*Mentally destabilize enemy commanders using pure sarcasm.
Sub-Quest:
*Let Teppei pretend to be the main character for 0.5 seconds.
*Descend like a mythic god of chaos.
*Emotionally and spiritually destroy Kujou Sara with words.
Rewards:
*+200 Morale to Resistance Forces
*+15 Trust with Gorou (He's confused. He's amazed. He respects the chaos.)
*+2 Relationship Level with Lumine
*-5 Relationship with Paimon (She's keeping 3 meters distance. At all times.)
*Battle Reputation: Legendary Idiot Tier
*Hidden Perk: Unleashed Chaos Style
Achivements:
"The Berserker of Musoujin Gorge"
-Automatically whispered behind Shigeru's back by soldiers who fear and respect the chaos.