Chapter 39: Drawing the Line
I closed my laptop, stepped out onto the balcony to say goodbye to my junior, and then left. He stubbed out his cigarette, tossed it into the trash can, and ran after me.
"Let me take you home."
I smiled apologetically.
"It's okay. I can go home by myself."
He grabbed my hand.
"We're still friends, aren't we?"
Of course, I still wanted to be friends with him. I also admitted that I was a little greedy. If his care suddenly disappeared, I would feel lost. Who doesn't enjoy being pursued, being cared for? But I already had him, and I absolutely shouldn't think of anything else.
If I ignored everything and let my junior wait for me, chase after me, I would be hurting both him and my boyfriend. Besides, I might take advantage of others, but I didn't want to take advantage of him. I smiled brightly at him.
"Of course. But I still hope you find a girlfriend soon."
He shook his head, and I could see the sadness in his eyes, making me feel extremely uneasy. He let go of my sleeve.
"I can't."
He turned away. His eyes seemed red.
What should I do? If things continued like this, I would be no different from someone using him, leaning on him when I was emotionally needy. And when my boyfriend returned, wouldn't he be cast aside? I needed to be clear and firm with him.
In fact, in some ways, I was just like my boyfriend—cold and decisive when it came to relationships. I could abandon anything as long as I made up my mind.
I walked to the bus stop. The Văn Quán urban area was beautiful, spacious, and, most importantly, close to a large lake. My junior and I had often gone there to enjoy the breeze, and sometimes, I would stroll alone. Autumn was chilly, but the lakeside had a romantic charm. The drooping willows, the falling leaves in the evening—they all led people back to their own quiet thoughts.
Every time I saw a couple, I couldn't help but stare. My junior would always tease me, "Want me to take over Chung's job?"
I would always glare at him and then smile sweetly.
"You're such a good boy. I do need a bodyguard, someone to pay for meals, someone to buy me flowers and gifts, a personal driver, even a cook and dishwasher..."
He would reply nonchalantly, "Do I have to do all that just to get a kiss? Loving you is tough, huh?"
I would smirk at him. "Isn't it?"
And whenever we saw a couple kissing, we would bet on how long they would last. Once, I bet five minutes, and he bet half an hour. I was so sure I'd win that I even dared to wager a buffet meal.
But to my shock, the couple really did kiss for more than half an hour. The girl occasionally turned away to yawn and catch her breath, but her boyfriend would just cup her face and continue kissing. It looked like she was being forcibly kissed—it was hilarious.
It reminded me of my first kiss. It only lasted about a minute. After that, partly because of embarrassment and partly because we didn't want to make others at the airport uncomfortable, we had to pull away. A clumsy, brief first kiss, yet it left deep emotions in me.
My junior won the bet and laughed smugly all day. I realized I should never gamble with him because I always lost and had to treat him.
I looked up at the blue sky and sighed.
What a pity. I had no choice but to keep my distance from him. Someone like him could easily find a dozen girls like me—why be so stubborn? The only thing I could do for him was to be more decisive and distant.
December arrived once again. I had a long Lunar New Year break, so I decided to fly to France to see him. I hadn't spent all the prize money from winning the silver award yet. I had given some to my parents, but they refused to take it, telling me to keep it for myself. I had used a decent amount to grind away at English language centers, but the rest was still enough for a comfortable trip. My parents' monthly allowance also came in regularly.
I had to admit, I was lucky to be born into a well-off family and to be supported throughout my studies.
I booked a flight to France. I could have asked my junior to take me to the airport, but I didn't want to owe him anything. Besides, making him take me to see my boyfriend would be like rubbing salt in his wound. So, I took the bus instead.