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Chapter 56 - 56. Sadness Of Oneside Love

As they entered the house, Anaya quietly slipped off her sandals and walked to her room. Jiya was already heading to the kitchen, calling out something about soup, but Anaya didn't really hear. Her thoughts were somewhere else. Or maybe… with someone else.

She sat on the edge of her bed, the faint light of the evening slipping in through the window curtains. Her heart was still restless from their earlier conversation in the car. Jiya's words were warm, supportive. But they had stirred something old, something tender.

She looked at her phone.

"It's been a long time…"

She opened Weibo, her hands trembling slightly. I don't know what he's doing now. Is he well? Still smiling like that?

But the moment the feed loaded, her heart dropped.

A new clip. His new drama.

She tapped on it, curious—longing.

In the video, he had just stepped out from the bathroom, his hair still damp, a towel hanging loosely over his shoulders. He was wearing only shorts. He opened the door, and there—stood the female lead, staring at him with wide eyes.

The clip froze.

Anaya's thumb hovered for a second before she closed the app.

Her face felt warm. Not with excitement, but… with something else. Yeah..! Absolutely that was because of sadness.

She set the phone down and hugged her knees. Her chest ached in that familiar, confusing way. Her thoughts, tangled and tight, spilled from her into a blank message screen.

And then, slowly, she began to type.

---

"Wo…

I'm really…

I can't say.

Because I really don't know what I'm feeling.

What do u want me to feel..

Sometimes I feel like I'm angry… and then sad… and then, oh man—yeah! Or do you want me to feel when I see you in a drama. Yeah.. that's my man! Like, I'm proud of your acting. But, do you really think that I feel like that.. when you even don't know about my existence.

I try to tell myself, 'It's not you. It's just a character you are acting in.' But it is you who is acting… You're the one. Then how can I think that is it not you?

What should I do man?

I do want to say, 'That's my man,' and be proud of your performance. But in reality you're not my man—not really. So how can I stay calm watching things like that? But, literally, I can't do anything..

I mean, I write novels too… but I don't understand cinematic sets. I don't know what's real and what's not. I just feel more and more sad. I thought you didn't shoot scenes like that… But clearly, you did. A long time ago.

It's just me. Yeah! I know, that was my problem. That, I'm late to meet you.

Even though it was only your upper body… still… how do I stay calm?

Honestly…

I do want to see your abs.

But I didn't even know if you had any abs or not. And now? My heart was thumping out of my chest from that scene.

I want to be mature, like those actors' wives. The ones who smile and clap. But I can't. Because they have their person. And I don't. We're not together yet. I'm just a girl, getting more jealous, more sad.

You… I'm a big fan of your acting. But after I decided to fall in love with you… I stopped watching your dramas.

You might laugh at that. "How can she be sure if she hasn't watched much?"

But I did. I just watched your first drama—Remember me. And maybe later after that… I decided to love you.

So many things happened after that.

There were days I swore I wouldn't love you anymore. Days I tried to fall out. But it always came back to you.

A year is going to pass. It's still you.

Sometimes I wonder if you even exist.

But somehow, there's no me without you.

I'm becoming more obsessed.

What should I do?

You tell me.. what should I do, man?

Should I watch all your dramas like your fans do? Cheer when you fight villains, or smile when you kiss the heroine?

Should I cry during the breakup scenes?

No.

I don't think I can.

Actually… maybe I'd laugh at the end of the drama. Because none of it feels real anymore. And yet, it hurts more than real.

It's starting to feel like I'm losing control. Like I'm becoming… something else.

If you're looking for someone to blame—blame the love I've poured into you.

But I really don't know what I'll become in your story.

Am I the heroine?

Or The villain?

Or a psycho?.. who is obsessed with you.

Only you can decide that."

She stared at the message for a long time, her thumb hovering over "send."

And then, slowly… she tapped "save as draft," dropped the phone beside her pillow, and curled under the blanket.

Outside, the moon peeked from between the clouds, just like always—distant, silent, watching.

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