Chapter 83: How About… You Get a Hospital Membership Card?
The moonlight was cold and clear over the borders of the Land of Earth.
A large number of Iwa-nin were combing through the collapsed ridgeline, searching for something. Onoki sat atop a pile of rubble, his expression dark and sour.
Reflecting on everything that had happened today, his mood couldn't be worse.
A group of powerful ninja wreaking havoc on his own turf?
That was absolutely intolerable—especially because he saw it with his own eyes.
"Flying Thunder God Technique?"
Onoki had to admit he got a bit too emotional back then—Minato Namikaze was long dead.
But that flickering figure, combined with those fragile puppet decoys, brought back painful memories.
"Lord Tsuchikage, we've gathered most of the information."
As he brooded, an ANBU approached, kneeling on one knee and speaking in a low voice.
Even he was visibly nervous. At this moment, perhaps only Deidara and a few others would dare face an angry Onoki without fear.
"Speak," Onoki said, voice dangerously calm and clipped.
The ANBU immediately began his report.
"According to the sensory team, although the chakra traces here are chaotic, the most notable signatures suggest there were about eight individuals in total.
One of them engaged you directly, Lord Tsuchikage. The other six were fighting among themselves."
"Six…"
Onoki nodded slightly. When he arrived, he had indeed seen three pairs locked in combat in the sky.
Three of them had white hair. The other three were clad in black cloaks.
"Do we know who they are? Can we track them?"
"Not yet, sir. Given the location…"
The ANBU hesitated, shaking his head. Onoki understood what he meant.
This was a border zone, not heavily manned. Even the ANBU stationed here were for emergency deployment—not exactly equipped with comprehensive chakra databases of high-level shinobi.
"There's also something else about those six chakra signatures…"
The ANBU trailed off mid-sentence, clearly struggling to choose the right words.
"They were all extremely powerful. Four of them were especially overwhelming. As for the one who fought you…"
He shook his head, unsure how to describe it. Onoki's face darkened further.
He knew the ninja world was full of powerful figures, but for so many to suddenly show up in his village to stir up trouble? That was outright disrespect.
"Any other intel?" he asked, barely suppressing his frustration.
"I saw the puppets and Lightning Release techniques myself—not to mention the Flying Thunder God. I want details beyond that!"
"Other than what you've seen, sir, we also detected Water Release and Fire Release being used in the battle."
The ANBU was clearly under pressure. Onoki may be small in stature, but his presence was overwhelming.
"As for anything else… it's unclear for now."
"…Fine. Got it."
Onoki rose to his feet, frustrated. Even without full intel, he had his suspicions.
"Is Konoha returning to how it was ten years ago?"
That blinking figure… He didn't believe any other jutsu could replicate it. He was already contemplating how to have a "friendly talk" with Konoha about this.
He also intended to extract some answers from Deidara—after all, that brat had been skulking around the area for a while.
"Where's Deidara? Have you found him?"
"Lord Tsuchikage, Deidara… well…"
"What about him?"
"He seems to have… left."
"Which direction?"
The ANBU fell silent, pointing off into the distance. Onoki's blood pressure shot up.
That direction wasn't even within the borders of the Land of Earth…
---
Meanwhile, within the Land of Rain, Pain was silently watching Kisame, Itachi, and the half-destroyed Sasori.
He didn't speak—just shook his head.
The three looked utterly miserable.
Kisame was in the best shape—though shirtless and covered in wounds, he was at least still on his feet thanks to his bulky physique.
Itachi, however, looked dazed. His body was bloodied, and the most worrying part was the obvious blood streak at the corner of his eye—clear signs of overusing his Sharingan.
As for Sasori…
Only his upper body remained, and even one of his arms was gone. The fact that he was still alive was already a testament to his inhuman durability.
"Tsk tsk… didn't expect you to get your ass handed to you by some brat."
Kakuzu didn't hold back. He remembered Sasori mocking him not long ago.
"And I did give you intel, you know. Looks like you're getting rusty."
"Your intel wasn't complete," Sasori said flatly, raising his head. His voice was emotionless, but his gaze was icy.
"That boy has a special mode. In that state, his strength and speed increase across the board. It's not Lightning Release Chakra Mode, like you said.
His use of 'Purple Lightning' was meant to counter my poison—it wasn't a power-up technique. A single incorrect detail can be fatal."**
"Excuses."
Kakuzu scoffed, but Sasori didn't back down.
"Oh? And did you even manage to make him go all out?"
"Hmph. Next time, I'll win."
Kakuzu didn't dare act out with Pain right there, but he wasn't going to back down from a war of words.
Still, deep down, he was uneasy.
He didn't know what kind of insane stuff Kitagawa Gen had pulled off this time, but he was certain the kid had grown stronger again.
He was familiar with Sasori's abilities—handling him was never easy. And yet the boy had wrecked Sasori this badly.
Granted, most of the damage had come from Onoki's Dust Release and Pain's attacks.
"But that Flying Thunder God… that was terrifying."
He remembered the endless barrage of kunai raining down. Even knowing some were decoys, who could afford to take the risk? If even one landed near you… it could be game over.
"I need a proper Wind Release-compatible heart. I can't let him teleport around me so freely!"
"I need better Wind-style materials. I have to block him next time!"
At that moment, both Kakuzu and Sasori were thinking the same thing.
"Tch… you two are lame. Still… this brat's not immortal or something, is he?"
Hidan had no idea what they were arguing about and didn't care to find out. He was just sizing up Sasori curiously.
He noticed this organization had quite a few people who felt oddly familiar… except that Scorpion guy—he didn't seem human at all.
"Enough. Shut up, all of you. The mission failed, and Deidara's whereabouts are unknown. I just hope none of you slipped up and leaked anything."
Pain finally spoke, cutting off their bickering. He had no patience for these people right now—and truthfully, he was in a foul mood.
"Nagato, I think Jiraiya-sensei might have seen us."
From inside a sealed vehicle nearby, Konan's voice drifted in. That was exactly what Nagato had been dreading.
"I know. But don't worry too much—it was only for a moment."
"And even if he did see something, it doesn't matter. We're walking the correct path."
---
"Sensei, maybe you should just get a hospital membership card. One of those annual plans."
"…?"
"I mean, let's be honest—you end up there after every mission anyway."
In the rocky forest on the border of the Land of Earth, Kitagawa Gen quietly teased a visibly exhausted Kakashi, supporting him as they walked.
That earned him an eye-roll from Kakashi. If he weren't so drained, he might've smacked Kitagawa on the head.
But thinking about it... was that actually true? Every mission they came back from, he somehow ended up in the hospital?
Wait—no, not the Kirigakure one…
"But seriously, the odds are getting ridiculous."
Kakashi rubbed his forehead, muttering softly.
"This was the first time I used this eye in real combat. The results were good, but the side effects were brutal. Still, I think I finally understand it on a deeper level."
He looked up. The better he understood this eye, the better his chances were of confronting Uchiha Obito.
This wasn't just a Sharingan—it was an eye of bonds, an eye of conviction. He would use that conviction to set Obito free from the darkness!
---
"Jiraiya-sama, how are you holding up?"
Not wanting to dwell on his own condition, Kakashi turned toward the usually talkative but now unusually silent Jiraiya.
"You've been... off this whole time."
"…I saw something hard to believe."
Jiraiya sighed. He hadn't planned to say anything, but in the end, he gave in.
"The old man once told me… When the Fourth Mizukage was being controlled, he saw not just Uchiha Obito, but two others—one with orange hair, one with blue."
"…And earlier, there was an orange-haired guy. He's the one who stopped Onoki's attack."
Kitagawa chimed in just in time. This was exactly what he needed!
He had been racking his brain trying to figure out how to complete that special mission. He couldn't just follow Jiraiya into the Hidden Rain Village, right?
Besides, he vaguely remembered that when Deidara joined Akatsuki, both Nagato and Konan had appeared.
So why not give it a shot?
Worst-case scenario, he could just leak a few crucial pieces of intel to Jiraiya. After all, Scorpion had already revealed the Third Kazekage puppet.
A spark that could reignite the Third Great Ninja War—with a few "gentle nudges" from him—it should all work out.
Fortunately, Nagato and the others really did show up. And Kitagawa had made plenty of preparations—not only did they retreat safely, but Jiraiya also saw exactly what Kitagawa wanted him to see.
"This intel should be more than enough… though it feels like I've earned myself another title?"
He chuckled to himself. One simple mission, and now he had two weird new nicknames. It was kind of ridiculous.
But no matter how you looked at it—everything went smoothly.
---
"Yeah… it was him."
As Kitagawa was lost in thought, Jiraiya let out a sigh and forced a wry smile.
"When I saw him… I couldn't believe it. He's supposed to be dead. But when I saw the other person—then I realized the situation might be way worse than I thought."
"Who… were they?"
Despite his exhaustion, Kakashi couldn't help but raise his head and ask. But Jiraiya just fell silent for a moment, then shook his head.
"There are too many unknowns. We'll talk more when we get back."
But just as he said that, both Kitagawa and Kakashi gave him skeptical looks.
"…Come on, I'm serious. I won't do anything reckless. Because if all of this is real—then we've got a major problem."
After all… this was the Rinnegan we were talking about.
But why… why did Yahiko have those eyes?
---
"YOSHI!"
Jiraiya was still puzzling over that when a voice suddenly rang out from the sky, snapping everyone to high alert.
The next moment, a clay bird appeared and landed clumsily in front of them without any sense of caution.
A blond-haired youth jumped down with a wide grin, pointing straight at Kitagawa.
"Finally found you guys! Especially you! You're just like me—an artist! Yeah!"
"…???"
Where did this lunatic come from?