We finally got the word today that we'll be moving back tomorrow. The last injured person has recovered well enough that we'll be leaving.
I can't decide how I feel.
I'm not looking forward to returning to the place we were at before this place. Especially not the daily 'training', pushing that damn rock, or the daily electrocutions dressed up as teaching me a language I can't figure out.
That last one in fact...
My stomach feels tight just thinking about it, like I'm on the edge of panic.
In this cave, they don't ask anything of us. They feed us extra food. There's no lessons in language.
Those are all reasons to stay as long as possible - why I'd probably fake a limp or something, if I could get away with it in the hope of slowing this return date down.
But, at the same time, being in this cave feels wrong. It makes my skin itch.
There's never been an ounce of kindness from these beings since we arrived. Rarely a moment of mercy at all.
Yet -
I shake my head.
Maybe it only feels so extreme because of the fact that I'm not being electrocuted or forced to push heavy rocks in the heat every day .For people who can speak the language better now, for people given other duties, maybe it's more normal?
It explains why most of the people here don't seem...
Aside from Eric and Mia, of course. And Hestia.
Everyone just seems to be accepting the treatment they give us like we're cattle. Just...taking it in stride. Not bothered at all by it.
Maybe I'm the one who's over reacting.
Perhaps I should be enjoying this break here more, like they are.
But it's too late even if I should. Tomorrow, probably early if my experience on this planet is any indication, we leave.
And then it will be back to what it was. Teaching things I can't learn. Forcing 'training' that doesn't do anything. Fruit that looks like vegetables dumped on the floor to be eaten.
But-
It won't be the same.
That's. The one thing.
What keeps me from collapsing in a corner somewhere, giving in to the panic I feel at the idea of going back to the daily torture.
I don't know what I'm going to do to help, to infiltrate, but that's our goal.
To learn as much as possible about the aliens that have us captured before next year, so that Ivan and his group can use it to get us out of here.
It's a goal, a purpose. A time limit as much as it's a deadline.
Eric and Mia...are probably the ones who will be doing most of the work. Mia especially should be able to get their trust and work with them closely, given how good she is at speaking their language and how much they seem to trust and communicate with her because of that already.
Eric...
He's more standoffish, not quite as good as Mia at learning the language, either.
But he's always been good at gathering information. He did it when we were first here, after all. He's even the one who went and found the rebels before they came and found us.
No matter what, I know that he'll be able to use this year effectively.
And I -
I hate the idea of being dead weight. Of just sitting around with Hestia, waiting quietly for Eric and Mia to save us, letting them put in all the work and effort, face all the danger and risk, and spend all my time doing nothing but pushing a damn rock.
I don't want to do that.
I. Don't know how I can contribute, or get moved to anything more sensitive or important to do. Or how I could learn anything important even if I were privy to it when I can't understand anything I'd hear or read anyway.
But...
I have to figure something out.
I have to.
Even if - I'm left with the pathetic reality of sitting quietly and waiting for Eric and Mia to find some way for me to contribute.
...I don't know.
I just-
"You'll get wrinkles." Mia hums.
"Huh?"
"Frowning so much." She laughs.
I roll my eyes and cross my arms. "...It's hard not to worry, you know? It doesn't feel right that they're...taking care of us, or something."
"You're still worried about that, huh?"
"...Aren't you worried?"
She crosses her arms and purses her lips. "You shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth." She mutters.
"A...what?"
She rolls her eyes. "Don't question good fortune, idiot." She sighs and leans back on her hands. "...I don't know what's up. You're right. It doesn't make sense why they've been gentler with us after the trip to the woods."
She shakes her head and lifts one hand in a half-shrug. "Maybe this is their method of giving us a reward for completing the trial correctly? We've seen them use the stick so much, it naturally feels weird to see the carrot now."
"That makes sense, I suppose...?"
That would be the most normal reason. But I can't get rid of the uneasy feeling I have.
"But even if it's something else..." Mia shakes her head. "We can't do anything about it. Not right now. So we should take happiness whenever it's in front of us."
It...
I guess.
It does make sense, what she's saying.
If we can't control our situation, maybe it does make sense to appreciate a blessing whenever we get one, regardless of the reason why...?
I sigh. "You could have told me that earlier, you know."
She offers a playful smile and another shrug. "Well, who's the one who spent all her time sulking around with Eric~?" She laughs at my scowl. "Besides, if you keep being this much of a worrywart, you won't have space to worry when it matters."
"I don't think that's a thing."
"It's absolutely a thing, trust me." Mia nods and hums. "Humans can only feel so much of one thing for so long. Happiness, stress, worry, sadness. We have to let go of it all at some point."
"So you're saying I should just give up?"
"More like...you should focus on the things that worrying can change."
I purse my lips. "Like?"
"Like. What do you intend to do when we leave this cave and go back."
"Well, that's where you're wrong." I cross my arms and lift my chin, just a bit. "I've been able to worry about both."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah." I point at myself. "Because unlike you, I'm a pro at multi-worrying."
"Hm. You and Eric both, huh~?" She laughs at my confused look. "...I'm joking, but you're too serious for it, you know that? You both are." Mia sighs, but there's a smile on her face.
"...I always wonder how you manage not to be."
She blinks and lowers her head.
Her smile is still on her lips, but it's - there's a faint bitterness to it that I can't quite quantify.
I expect her to answer me after a moment but...
The moment passes in silence.
She doesn't say anything.