*Damian*
If only I knew back then what would happen, I would have never let you go. I would have carried you off so we could complete the mission together.
If I had known that it would be our last kiss, I would've savored it and held onto you tighter. I would have taken your hand and dragged you away from this world. From this reality. I do not mind being a refugee if it means having you by my side for eternity.
But now, all I can do is regret it. Now it was all too late.
I stared at the empty bunk bed above me. Maia's younger brother, Maki had long been awake and had started his training for two hours now. The same length of time that I had been awake myself. My mind can't help but wander into the memories that had only started to resurface after the arena incident. To the memories of my love for Maia.
That's why I felt connected with her all this time. Why my gaze would always search for her inside the classroom. Why I got scared and mad when Christine, William and Winston tried to kill her. Why I shiver everytime I touch her. Why I was worried when I saw her falling from that tree or when she lost consciousness due to her wound.
Everything made sense now and I was really a fool.
I groaned loudly as I pushed myself to sit up on the bed. There was still that annoying pounding in my head from last night's drinking but it still won't compare to the heaviness that my chest was feeling.
I hoisted myself up and entered the bathroom that was just inside of our room. I stared at the man looking right back at me in the mirror. Round dark bags, an overgrown mustache and beard, and an unkempt curly hair, overall I looked like shit. I had given up on the prim and proper appearance that I had since entering middle school.
"You really shouldn't let your hair grow you know, you look like a caveman that way hahaha, a handsome caveman"
As your laugh rings through my ear, my eyes begin to sting again. I roughly washed my face by the sink and let the water wash away the impending tears.
What good would that appearance do when you weren't by my side anymore.
I tried to fix myself but resigned when I could no longer do so. I tied my hair back in a man bun before proceeding with brushing my teeth. I threw in the khaki pants and mandatory white shirt that they wanted us to wear.
If you were here I bet you would laugh at this uniform. You always hated wearing one saying that you want to wear unique pretty clothes all the time. I remember how you always drew pretty clothes during that special class. I let out a deep sigh. How long has it been since I lost you? A year and a half if my mind isn't playing with me.
It was only a year and a half but it felt like an eternity to me. Knowing that I had lost you right in front of my eyes was the worst.
Just as I went out of our room, I caught a glimpse of the two figures who had helped me this past year. I nodded their way when they turned to wave at me. It may not look like much but Iavan and Miisa surely helped me in coping up in this new environment. Well, coping up might not be the right word but they are memoirs of you. One of the few mementos I'd kept by my side to always remember you.
Iavan and Miisa walked ahead of me and headed straight down the common pantry area. I followed suit but not after staring at the large mural by the staircase. The mural showcased the people who risked their lives for the mission of freeing the nation. I stared at it and like any other day since that day I only stared at your face painted on the drywalls.
I had missed you so much that just seeing or remembering you hurt my entire being. I wanted to forget about the pain but I know it would only go away if I forget about you, and that's the one thing I don't want to go through again. I don't want to go through the process of our memories being stuck in my subconscious once more. I don't want to forget about you anymore.
That day, all hell broke loose the moment you destroyed the barrier. I didn't have the chance to swim after you due to the explosion of the barrier. Some members of the SDC who were on the other side of the barrier rushed in to save the kids who survived during the games including Miisa and Iavan.
Provinces started rising against their perpetrators and breaking the laws. One by one the small revolutionary groups come together to overthrow the government that we had sworn to defeat. That was the start that everyone was waiting for.
And you were the one who did it. I just wished you were here to see how people rise to their captivators. How people honor your death. How I mourn for the love that I will never have anymore.
It was also a day after that that we received news of H City being bombed to the ground. Our houses, our school and the whole place where we grew up was reduced to rubbles. Not everyone was lucky enough to escape and in your family, your grandmother, your uncles and aunts never made it out. Even Percival. If you had been alive and heard the news of their passing you would have never forgiven yourself and cried your heart out. Because that's how you are, you could cry your heart out as easily as you can open a plastic wrapper. Unlike us.
Iavan, Miisa and I couldn't utter a single sound nor cry when we were brought to the bunker. It felt like our soul was sucked out of us. Turns out both Miisa and Iavan's memories were sealed too. That's why they couldn't remember me.
You had always been our pillar and losing you felt like losing a part of us. A week or two passed before we decided that we can't let your sacrifice go to waste. So, we did what we could.
Currently, the SDC is divided into four factions which consist of different chapters. The first one which contains all the all-rounder personnel is divided into Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, and Zeta chapters.
The technical support faction which handles all the technology and security of the bunker consists of the Eta, Theta, Iota, Kappa, Lambda, and Mu chapters.
The third one being the Intell, Recon, and Logistics faction are the Nu, Xi, Omicron, Pi, Rho, and Sigma chapters.
And the last faction which specializes in the medical field including the psychological department for restoring the memories is divided into Tau, Upsilon, Phi, Chi, Psi, and Omega chapters.
Iavan and Miisa both joined in the Omega chapter while Maki and I are part of the Beta chapter, which will act as the front line in the upcoming raid.
To tell you the truth, ever since your death, I wanted to kill myself too. I wanted to be with you so much. To finally be at peace with you, but then I realize. I won't let your death be in vain, I will see to it that the first raid will be successful.
I will see this revolution until the end.