Kabati interrupted my thoughts, saying, "Perhaps you were born to be hated, because you are someone who doesn't deserve love. Everyone around you was born naturally. Everyone around you was born out of love, except you. You were born out of rape, mistake, hatred, malice, and selfishness in the midst of a deadly war. You were born to be ostracized, nothing more. You deserve nothing but ostracism and disregard. Everyone loved their relatives except you, am I right? They would have loved us if we were the son of the Basani man and not that damned soldier. If it weren't for your interference and your living in my place, my family would have loved us. But because of your interference, you son of a bitch, we have both been ostracized."
His words were extremely harsh and struck me like a thunderbolt. I hate rebukes.
Without waiting, he added, "Your belief that life will change in the future is a lie and childish foolishness. You should stop thinking about it because it will not come true, and escaping from reality will not help you. No matter what you do and no matter how hard you try to exonerate yourself to me and everyone, the liar who longs for love and who is like you will still know every little thing about you and all your movements and motives. Don't you know why? This is because you are exposed."
"Liars who have no real personality and are inspired by emptiness, whom you can describe as nothing but fog, are the ones who will understand everything that wants to turn into nothing, you coward."
"In the end, that small attempt to transform into a better personality with impulsiveness and recklessness is just a failed childish desire, while what is at the core will remain at the core."
"You and everyone with us in the family, no matter what they do, will not change. A liar is a liar, a thief is a thief, a loyal person is a loyal person, an outcast is an outcast, a hated person is hated, and a loved one is loved."
"You will die with the qualities you were born with, and your thinking about change will do nothing but destruction to you and everything you love. And if you were wondering about me? I haven't changed, I'm your other half, imagined as an empty skeleton that can do things and achieve them out of nothingness after the person who controls this filthy body most of the time was unable to achieve anything."
"And for me, you who used to claim understanding, malice, and strength in front of me when you were young and I applauded you. I am something that can be nothing. You can't touch me in your world, nor determine my source, nor I have a weak point. You will love me because I am like that. Or maybe I'm wrong"
"You will hate those who are superior to you like me and who could live a better life in your place like me, right? You will reject them, you will not love them. Those like me will love me, and there is no one like me. And believe me, no matter how you try to understand what I mean, you will understand it the wrong way and see it as you want to see and understand it, and not as reality sees it."
Maybe he's right..
If he lived in my place, life would be better..
He doesn't seem like a sympathetic person, he doesn't seem like a compassionate person.
He could destroy anyone, even if he love them!
"Being the black side that avenges you after I took advantage of your kindness to create balance and possess the eye of Truth, I demand my right to your body, you ignorant fool... There are many things that you still do not know about and will never know about, Kirian. Things that you have never experienced and will never experience, and even if you tried to feel them, you would not be able to reach the level of sensation that marginalized and empty foggy characters like me have."
"This is what I think is the reason for all the hatred and resentment towards us foggy people. After my shared experiences with humans other than you, I discovered that when you are an invincible person and do not have a clear weakness, others will feel confused, which creates a distance between you and others. So why do you think humans trust each other? Is it because they love each other? Because they know each other's birth dates? Because they have the same favorite type in games? No, humans trust after knowing the true motives of others and their hidden and visible weaknesses, after they are sure that that the other person will not harm them or inflict harm on them, after they are sure that others are weaker than them, after making sure they get what they want from others, which is their lives and personal information."
"This can be considered a selfish personal interest. Even spending time with others is a personal interest, because spending time with others, you ignorant person, secretes hormones that make you feel melted, lazy and drunk, you foolish humans, and this is your concept of ecstasy."
"As an imaginary being who has no human feelings but has complete contact with a foolish, emotional human like you, I possess all those keys to understanding humans and analyzing their reactions, while you, a vile human obsessed with sausages and rice, are ignorant of true human nature. Do you see the amount of information and knowledge I possess and you are ignorant of it, despite being real and me imaginary! Am I not right? If I were in your place, it would be better, wouldn't it?"
I couldn't take in everything he said. I dropped to my knees, gripping my hair and staring at his delicate feet while my cheeks were wet with tears streaming down my cheeks relentlessly.
Every word he said, every thought he posed, was like a needle piercing my heart so softly without my noticing, without any ability to resist it.
And with every word he added to the previous one, the pain doubled and doubled. But it seems he's right.
There's a big difference between me and him, and I admit that if this skeleton were in my place, this body life might have been better.
The skeleton approached me, bent down, and whispered in my ear, "They shouldn't have given birth to you, right? You don't deserve to live in a world like this, and the world doesn't deserve a fool like you. That soldier shouldn't have done what he did, right? That soldier shouldn't have participated in the war in the first place! He shouldn't have stayed alive, right? Don't we have to take revenge on him? He made you suffer all the suffering in this world and banished me from your world. Don't he and everyone who agreed with him about the war on Basan deserve to die? Aren't the caprians our enemies? Our rivals? The villains who hate us? Aren't the caprians the plague on this planet? The cancer of humanity? Your cancer?"
I felt a small flame burning inside me, like a tiny candle in the middle of the cold, freezing darkness, but it was enough to melt the ice hiding in the darkness...
Kabati added, "You know exactly what we both want, right? We need to join forces again. You have the guile, the acting, and a great ability to manipulate, lie, and deceive, while I have the power to motivate, push, and provide you with the nerve and strategy. I won't lie, you're a smart person if you were bad, but you don't have the nerve to be bad. No one deserves your mercy anymore."
"And don't expect me to be your friend. I'll still hate you for forgetting me, but as long as we have a common enemy, we can achieve a result together. We can free the world from the evil of the Caprians. We can fulfill our past wish and free ourselves from the shackles of injustice and hatred that this world places on us and finally feel love. I will help you achieve this, but at the price of you submitting to me every time I tell you something. You are still a playboy who needs guidance."
My eyes twitched after everything he said, but he was right..
The world is like a war zone. Everyone exploits others for themselves, even the people they love most..
No one thinks about others..
They're all just themselves..
How shameful...
Kabati said after a deep sigh, "I'm not forcing you to submit to all my commands. You're the one who'll force yourself to follow me because you know you won't succeed without me. You're basically nothing without me, and you wouldn't be anything without me. Now you need to wake up and stop crying like a weak widow. I hated seeing your wet, weak, pathetic face. And always remember, humans are extremely selfish creatures."
Everything that Kabati said entered my mind and never left. His words were logical and more than realistic..
I need this realistic perspective in my life..
I need something to push me forward..
But why exactly does my imaginary friend from the past represent my other self, who desires revenge?
Was it just a dream?
Or some repressed past feelings embodied in the form of a living, empty skeleton, compelling me to do things to free them?
I was thinking as I stared blankly in the middle of that vast green garden.
I was met by the orange rays of the sun slowly disappearing into a purple horizon, heralding a cold, frightening darkness, until the skeleton tapped my forehead with its index finger.
I opened my eyes to find myself lying in a small tent, dimly lit by a small lantern on a small red carpet. Two waist bags faced me on the other side of the tent, one of them mine.
Ilooked straight up to see the face of a blonde girl, her hair falling like a golden curtain, blocking the dim light from the lantern from my eyes and gently reflecting it. Her green eyes reminded me of those green meadows I had been in.
To be continued...