"Hot news today! Emanuel the coward from Viperia just stays silent and is busy having fun with his prostitutes at a luxurious beach resort, while his allies are bravely fighting demons from Noirval!"
"Shoe shine! Shoe shine! Only three Eisenmark!"
The sounds filled the afternoon air in the capital. The hustle of newspaper vendors offering hot news competed with the shouts of shoe shiners struggling for a bite to eat. The streets were crowded with waves of people—workers just getting off, Mothers rushing with groceries, and children chasing the shadows of dusk.
The sidewalk we were walking on seemed to never sleep. This city had its own pulse, and the afternoon was when its beat felt the strongest—a time when tired but hopeful faces brushed past one another, all heading in different directions but with the same purpose: going home.
"Eh, my dear Erina, could you walk a bit slower? I'm is tired after working all day...."
"Shut up!"
And at this moment, I was feeling very annoyed—really, truly annoyed to the point that I took it out by walking fast on the capital's sidewalks. The source of this irritation came from Mom's earlier actions, doing something embarrassing to me in public, even in front of Uncle Arnulf.
If I just stayed silent without doing anything, over time my pride as a man would be eroded more and more, even if my body now was that of a girl, that didn't mean I forgot who I used to be. Especially my pride!
Fortunately, at that time Uncle Arnulf finally helped me by gently speaking to Mom to stop—without him, that incident might've lasted much longer than it should have. And the matter with the talent scouts who were arguing was also finally resolved because I told them I couldn't accept it for certain reasons, and luckily they didn't push too hard and took it professionally.
"Besides, it was Erina's own fault for coming home late, wasn't it?"
"E-even so, that was too much!" I shouted without caring about the people around.
I know it was my fault, but still....
Our current situation since Father's death is that Mom in the morning started working at the same place as Wilhelm's mother, or Aunt Elke—also working as a receptionist at a photography studio. Then sometimes, on scheduled days, it's my task to shop for dinner supplies.
To be honest, before Father's death, the situation wasn't much different from now, because Father himself rarely came home or only returned during leave. The only difference was that back then Mom didn't have to work.
Even so, when I'm alone at home, I feel like there aren't many activities to do besides helping clean the house or exercising to keep my body fit. So inevitably, whenever I'm at Uncle Arnulf's shop, I invite him to play chess, and without realizing it, it became a habit.
The sidewalk I'm walking on now is really crowded, filled with streams of pedestrians busy with their own world. In the middle of that crowd, I was walking so fast that the distance between me and my Mom behind became quite far.
It's here that I suddenly realized something: wasn't I acting like a sulking child?
"Erina, wait for me...."
Eventually, I stopped my steps and looked at my Mom's situation behind me. She looked very exhausted and was struggling to catch up with me—maybe she really was tired from work, especially since she was now wearing formal work attire that seemed hard to move quickly in.
Seeing that sight, I could only sigh—it seemed I had gone too far on her, to the point that I couldn't bear to see it.
In the end, I walked back the way I came and approached Mom, who seemed out of breath.
Once I was in front of her, I said, "Alright-alright, I get it," I said while trying to speak as gently as possible, and continued, "besides, it was my fault for being late. But please, don't do that again."
"Thank you, Erina..."
Hearing that, Mom, who previously looked exhausted, began to show a happy expression on her face.
To be honest, I think ever since Father's death, Mom has become more emotionally fragile, but what can we do? Isn't that natural? People react differently when it comes to losing someone they love.
A monster like me, who used to survive by slaughtering fellow humans, has no right to judge her.
Enemy soldiers, comrades, my superiors, and many others around me back then died so easily over things we didn't even understand. I was always surrounded by death to the point I no longer knew how to respond to it.
The people above who just sit on their desk will never truly understand what it feels like to see and hear your comrades scream in agony as they're roasted together with flesh and metal—when they're trapped alive inside an iron box that was supposed to protect us from death.
They'll never grasp the horror of those sounds—the screams from inside an enemy tank after we fired an anti-tank shell with a high-explosive warhead.
It doesn't matter who's screaming—your friend or the enemy—those screams will stay with you. They cling, stick like the smell of blood that never leaves your memory. Believe me, that sound will follow you for life. Maybe that's the price to pay—if you're lucky enough to return from war with your body intact and your soul still breathing.
While I was trapped in guilt over the past, something pulled my body forward and I suddenly found myself in Mom's embrace—I had no idea why she did that.
As usual, her hug felt so warm, like a comforting blanket wrapping me in the cold. A warmth that seeps into your bones and makes the outside world fade. Her arms, soft and reassuring, held me tight, whispering comfort without words.
After a moment of silence, Mom whispered something to me, "That face again. I don't know what you're thinking, but I hate seeing that face of yours again," she said while gently stroking my back.
As usual, a Mom's instinct is truly irresistible.
"...Is it really that obvious?"
"Maybe Erina is smarter than most kids, but no matter what, you're still a child who can't lie."
"I see..."
"We are indeed in a difficult situation, but all I can say is everything will be alright."
"I know that...."
"I know too. I've never doubted Erina even a little," she said with a tone full of affection.
Right now, we were still hugging in public, and I could feel the gaze of passersby directed at us, although in the end they didn't really care what we were doing and just continued on their way.
"Hey! Move aside, don't block the way!"
But the comfort I felt from Mom didn't last long, because suddenly a few men emerged from the crowd carrying something in their hands. Their very distinctive appearance and the others around them made me quickly identify who they were.
The outfits they were wearing now were the unique uniforms of the military police, with their characteristic military caps. Around them were others men who, judging by their military uniforms, were garrison troops that protecting the royal capital.
Because of that, Mom finally let go of her hug and quickly stood up to face the state officers.
"Ah, forgive us," Mom said apologetically while bowing slightly.
"Just disturbing our work, if you want to hug and play around, don't do it in the middle of the road!"
His voice was full of hostility and intimidation—he didn't care that the people he was intimidating were just a woman and her young daughter. His eyes were sharp. Several pedestrians on the sidewalk also looked like they were trying not to get involved in this incident.
Well, even so, this was also our fault for stopping in the middle of the road and possibly disturbing others' activities, so Mom didn't argue and tried not to get us into bigger trouble.
Fortunately, the men soon continued their work, carrying ornaments and several items that looked like they were going to be set up somewhere. Some of the items were covered in clean white cloth.
"Hehehe..."
"Mom?"
"Ah, it's nothing."
I didn't know what happened to her, but somehow my Mom suddenly laughed while covering her mouth with her hand, even though we just went through something tense—what's with her?
Eventually, we resumed our journey home, as the sun began to set and its light gradually dimmed.
But along the way, we saw something that caught our attention—because it turned out that behind the hustle of the capital's citizens, the military police and garrison soldiers were also very busy. It looked like they were preparing for an event that seemed to be happening soon. No wonder the uniformed man who scolded us earlier looked like he was in a big rush.
"Ah, I just remembered that day is coming soon," I said spontaneously.
Here, I just remembered that in a few days, it would be the anniversary of when Erzregen overthrew the previous government from his own uncle. On this anniversary, Erzregen was also officially inaugurated as the Supreme Leader of the Felsburg Kingdom.
And it has become a routine activity for the Felsburg Kingdom to celebrate it with a festive event starting with a military-style honor ceremony. After that, ceremonial soldiers would parade on Felsburg's main road, watched by the citizens or even spectators from all over the country who were curious and wanted to have fun.
Because on that day there would also be a festival where various street vendors would come to sell their unique products.
Looking more closely, some people were already busy setting up their booths for the festival—they probably wanted to do it early to avoid running out of space for their stalls.
Even though the war was still ongoing, it seemed Erzregen wanted this event to go on no matter the situation. Really a very stubborn person, I thought.
"Yes, that's right...."
Even so, it seemed Mom's voice had no excitement at all toward the upcoming festive event—because usually on that day, Father would always come home on leave and the three of us would enjoy the festival together. So maybe because of that, she remembered those precious memories with Father.
"But I'm sorry, Erina. It looks like on that day, the photography studio where I work will be very busy handling many requests," she said apologetically.
"Well, what can we do, I understand."
It was truly unfortunate we couldn't have fun together at the festival like in previous years. Mom herself would surely be busy, as her the studio would certainly be assigned by the state to photograph all activities during such a big event.
Soon after, we wanted to continue our journey home, but suddenly someone bumped into us—not hard, but enough to make us stop suddenly.
"Ah, sorry."
Judging by his appearance, he was still a child. His body was rather skinny compared to most kids, his face very disheveled, and he wore very shabby clothes. His estimated age didn't seem much different from mine.
Lately, I've been seeing more kids like him on the streets—it seemed it was starting to significantly affect them too.
"It's okay, just be careful next time."
"Thank you, pretty lady."
"Hehe, smart kid. Erina, you should learn from him."
"Why me...."
Because of that flirtatious brat, I got teased by my Mom again—even though I didn't even do anything wrong. How annoying.
"Well then, I'll go first, miss. I'm in a hurry."
The unknown kid really did look like he was in a hurry, as if someone was chasing him. I could feel a bit of nervousness on his face—until I finally noticed something strange when he tried to leave us: one of his hands was trying to hide something in his right pants pocket.
"Wait a minute."
"Erina?"
Feeling suspicious, I quickly grabbed his hand so he couldn't leave. The shocked reaction was clearly written on his dirt-covered face. Even Mom, who saw my actions, seemed very curious about what I was doing.
"Take your goddamn hand out of your pocket," I said in a commanding tone.