POV: SAINT
"That'll do," Jackson said, standing up and leading Chris out the door. We were in Jackson's study. I had knocked to speak with him when I unexpectedly found Chris there. As I sat in the room, I reflected on the events of the past week, which had been quite… pleasurable. I felt much better now that my heat had subsided and everything had returned to normal.
Thinking back to how desperately I had pleaded with Jackson for his touch and affection, I couldn't help but feel shy and embarrassed around him. For days after waking up, I struggled to maintain eye contact and would blush and stammer whenever he spoke to me. I was that mortified. But then I didn't regret any of it.
However, I felt a sense of disappointment that we hadn't mated. I had hoped he would take that step with me, but it seemed he wasn't ready. This made me insecure, leaving me to wonder if he would ever truly accept me as his mate. The fact that he still hadn't marked me, even after he was tempted when he saw me in heat, made me question whether he had any romantic feelings for me at all. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was merely fulfilling his duties as my mate without any genuine emotions involved.
I couldn't help but worry that I would never hold a place in his heart like Anto did. It felt as though I was just his mate, nothing more. The absence of his mark after my heat only fueled these doubts.
"Are you listening to me?" Jackson's voice pulled me out of my gloomy thoughts. I hadn't realized he was back. He was perched halfway on the table, facing me.
"Yeah, sorry. Could you repeat that?" I said, shifting in my chair.
"I was asking what you wanted to talk about. You mentioned there was something on your mind."
"Oh, I can't quite remember what it was. I'll let you know when it comes back to me," I lied. I had intended to discuss the heat issue, but on a second thought, I shouldn't. I didn't want to come across as too insistent. The timing didn't feel right; I could tell he was preoccupied with thoughts of the pack's safety.
"You seem lost in thought again. Are you sure you're okay? You can talk to me about anything," he offered.
"Just thinking about everything," I lied once more.
He nodded. "About your heat, I—"
"You don't need to worry. I understand," I interrupted. I didn't want to hear him downplay it, as just part of his duties. The thought of that made my eyes sting, and I didn't want to appear vulnerable in front of him.
"Oh..." He hesitated, "You do?"
"Yes," I replied, successfully keeping the sadness from my voice.
"Well, the full moon is approaching, and I'm planning to introduce you to the pack as Luna," he said.
"Okay." I realized it was time for me to embrace my responsibilities as his mate.
"You know what that means, right?" he asked, as if there was more to it than simply being introduced as Luna.
"Yeah?" I replied, uncertain.
He chuckled. "You sound unsure."
"Do I?" I asked awkwardly.
He smiled before continuing, "Let's not dwell on that for now. So, what do you want to do today?"
"Huh?" I asked, clearly bewildered.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not going anywhere today. I've cleared my schedule, so let's do something together."
"Oh..." This was not good. He sounded as though he had set aside his day just to spend time with me. It worried me because I might start believing he actually liked me, rather than thinking he was simply fulfilling his duties as my mate.
I felt a gentle tap on my cheek. "Still lost in thought?" he asked. The tap reminded me of the time during my heat where he had tapped my hole and...
I stood up abruptly, causing my chair to topple over. "A-anything is fine! We could bake something. W-wait, no, I don't know how to bake. Uh, we—" I stammered, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.
"I can bake. What do you want to make?" he said, standing tall.
"Anything! The kids will be home later, so we could make some cookies. I'm not sure..." I rubbed my arm nervously.
"Okay, that works. Shall we?" he asked, gesturing for me to lead the way. I nodded and stepped forward.
I walked to the kitchen, my heart racing as he followed a few steps behind me. We were alone in the house, about to bake in the kitchen, and that thought filled me with excitement and nervousness.
He walked over to one of the cupboards and pulled out various containers. I opened one and recognized it as part of the ingredients. "Do you have all the ingredients at home?" I asked.
"Yeah, Tom loves cookies, so Anto and I would bake some for him. After she passed away, I just kept it up for his sake. He always looked so happy when he came home to find the cookies waiting for him," he replied with a smile.
"I'm glad I chose baking, then."
"I'm glad I get to do it with you," he said, continuing to gather the ingredients. I paused to watch him. His expression was calm and unembellished, as if saying it came naturally to him.
Does he realize how much I value words like that?
"What type of cookies would you like? Any favorite flavors?" I asked.
"Can we make pecan sandies? I used to buy those when I was a kid," I said eagerly.
"Sure." He gathered the ingredients: salt, sugar, flour, unsalted butter, and pecans. Then we got to work.
"Do you have any allergies?" he asked as he mixed the softened butter, granulated sugar, and powdered sugar in a bowl.
"Not really. I don't like pineapples, but I'm not allergic to them," I replied, chopping the pecans.
He hummed softly as I stole a glance at him. He looked amazing, his blonde hair bouncing on his shoulders as he focused intently on his task. He added vanilla to the mixture and began to stir.
After a few minutes of work, it was time to fold the pecans into the dough. "I'll leave that to you; I have no idea how to do it," I said, stepping back. But he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back toward the table.
"I'll teach you," he said, positioning himself behind me. He began to demonstrate how to fold the pecans in, but my mind was completely elsewhere. I felt a wave of nervousness as he stood so close behind me—close enough that my backside brushed against him—and every word he spoke sent shivers down my spine.
"It's pretty obvious you're not paying attention," I heard his deep voice rumble from behind.
"Sorry, I got a bit distracted..." It was nearly impossible not to be, especially with how close we were. I found myself far more interested in his voice and the warmth of his breath on my neck than in learning how to fold the pecans.
But I didn't voice those thoughts.
"It's okay. I don't mind doing all the work from this position," he replied with a teasing tone.
I tilted my head back to look at him. "Huh?"
He glanced at my lips before meeting my gaze again, then placed his hands on the table, effectively trapping me between them. One of his hands moved to my neck, tilting my head slightly as he kissed me. It was a soft, tender kiss. When he pulled away, he said, "You're adorable. Even when you were shy and embarrassed, it was cute." He smiled before returning to his task, and that smile was so... I felt a rush of excitement go through me.
I remained there, blushing, allowing him to take the lead.