Professor Zephyr floated to the center of the arena, his robes billowing dramatically as usual. "Before we discuss Level 2, I believe our valiant competitors deserve some well-earned rest!" He spun in a circle, arms spread wide. "The second level will commence in precisely three days!"
The announcement was met with collective sighs of relief throughout the infirmary. Even Lady Althea looked pleased; probably because it meant she had three days to treat the current casualties before the next wave arrived.
"While Level 1 tested your theoretical knowledge and academic foundations," Professor Gravitas continued, materializing abruptly beside Zephyr, "Level 2 will focus on you as individuals. Your creativity. Your adaptability. Your psychological fortitude and logical reasoning."
Finn collapsed back onto his infirmary bed. "Three days of freedom. I might actually catch up on sleep."
"Or assignments," Gavril added, though his tone suggested he wasn't particularly committed to the idea.
"The next three days will feature abbreviated lectures covering only essential material," Professor Gravitas explained. "This will allow adequate recovery time while maintaining educational continuity."
"BUT FIRST!" Bloombastic's bulbous head expanded to twice its normal size, petals vibrating with excitement. " Before we release you all to your much-deserved rest periods, the Academy is proud to present... THE OFFICAL RECAP MONTAGE!"
My heart plummeted faster than the time I fell through Professor Gravitas's experimental gravity well. "Recap montage?" I croaked.
"OH PHOTOSYNTHESIS YES!" Bloombastic's tentacle vines writhed with glee. "THE MOST SPECTACULAR, HILARIOUS, AND CATASTROPHIC MOMENTS FROM LEVEL ONE, CAPTURED FOR POSTERITY AND YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!"
Gavril's eyes widened. "Oh no."
"Oh yes," Finn replied, already grinning.
I made a desperate attempt to slide out of my bed. Maybe if I could just reach the door befor…
"Don't even think about it," Lady Althea said, suddenly beside me. She pushed me back onto the mattress with surprising strength for someone whose primary magical affinity was healing. "You're not going anywhere until I say so."
"But I…"
"Magical exhaustion, multiple lacerations, third-degree burns on your left arm, temporal disruption in your cellular structure, and your probability field is still fluctuating wildly." She ticked off my injuries on her fingers. "The montage is the least of your problems."
"I'd rather face Valentina again," I muttered.
"That can be arranged," came a familiar voice from across the room. Valentina smirked at me from her own infirmary bed.
I groaned and pulled my blanket over my head. Maybe if I couldn't see it, it wouldn't exist?
"INITIATING HIGHLIGHT PROJECTION!" Bloombastic announced.
The center of the infirmary suddenly filled with a three-dimensional magical projection. Advanced light manipulation magic created vivid, floating images that expanded until they occupied the entire central space between the beds. The quality was astonishing, every detail crisp, every color vibrant.
I peeked out from under my blanket, expecting immediate mortification. Instead, I was greeted with highlights from the fifth-year students' challenges. A tall, statuesque student with metallic skin was fighting what appeared to be a living constellation. Another student had somehow merged with their own shadow and was dancing between dimensions.
"Huh," I said. "This isn't so bad."
Finn snorted. "Just wait."
The projection shifted to fourth-years, then third-years. I watched, fascinated despite myself, as older students demonstrated magical techniques I could only dream of mastering. A student created a perfect replica of themselves out of pure light. Another transformed into a flock of ravens mid-duel, each bird casting a different spell.
When it got to the second-years, I recognized Marius Deveraux creating an impenetrable barrier that absorbed and redirected an opponent's attack. I had to admit, seeing these displays made me eager to advance in my studies, to eventually be able to perform such impressive feats without accidentally destroying half the academy in the process.
As the highlights approached the first-years, I tensed, waiting for the inevitable humiliation. But the initial montage just showed various first-years navigating the Scholars' Roulette with varying degrees of success
Maybe, by some miracle, I'd been forgotten.
"You're all probably wondering where our chaos-father is?" Bloombastic's voice boomed directly above my bed. One of his vine-tentacles extended to pat my head. "Don't worry! we've saved the best for last!"
Of course they had. The universe wouldn't have it any other way.
"LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND BEINGS OF INDETERMINATE CLASSIFICATION!" Bloombastic's flower head changed colors rapidly, cycling through every shade in the visible spectrum and several that probably weren't. "I PRESENT TO YOU... THE ASHER ARDENT SPECIAL HIGHLIGHT COLLECTION!"
The projection shifted, and suddenly there I was, being launched through the tournament gate like a human cannonball, arms flailing, face frozen in a rictus of terror.
"No," I moaned.
"YES," chorused at least a dozen voices around the room.
The magical projection showed me crashing into the third-year Calderon student, sending us both tumbling across the floor in a tangle of limbs. It then cut to me at Station Three of the Scholars' Roulette, where the holographic combat pattern glitched, splitting into three separate patterns that merged into something resembling an angry cat made of lightning.
"I CALL THIS ONE 'WHEN PROBABILITY ATTACKS!'" Bloombastic announced, to general laughter.
I pulled the blanket back over my head. Maybe if I smothered myself...
But Lady Althea yanked it back down. "Oh no you don't. This is too good to miss."
The highlights continued relentlessly. There I was in the Star Wars world, waddling awkwardly as a protocol droid, repeatedly walking into walls while trying to adjust to my mechanical body. Then came footage of me as "Mei" in the anime world, shrieking in horror upon discovering my transformed body.
"AND HERE," Bloombastic bellowed, "IS THE MOMENT WHERE OUR CHAOS-MOTHER DISCOVERS THE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES IN HUMAN ANATOMY!"
"I'm going to find a way to turn him into fertilizer," I muttered.
The projection showed me staring down at my chest in abject horror, then a quick transition to me looking up to meet Elias's—or rather, "Takashi's"—amused gaze.
"I will kill you all," I announced to the room at large. "Slowly. Painfully."
"With what?" Finn asked, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "Your pretty eyelashes?"
This sent the room into another fit of hysterics. I glared at Finn, who was now clutching his sides.
"Some friend you are," I muttered.
"Friends laugh at friends when they get turned into hot anime girls," Finn replied sagely. "It's in the friendship contract."
The highlight reel moved on to my duels in the Hall of Echoes. I had to admit, some of the footage was actually impressive. My fire sigil merging with Marius's containment glyph created a spectacular explosion of crimson and gold. My battle with Iris showed the moment when I surrendered to chaos, while her machines malfunctioned in increasingly absurd ways.
And then came my duel with Valentina. Watching it from the outside was surreal. I could see the blue-white flames of the Flame Duchess engulfing Valentina, making her look like an angry goddess. And then there was me, my face bloody, surrounded by a field of pure probability that bent reality itself.
"ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT CATASTROPHE!" Bloombastic proclaimed. "THE PROFESSORS ARE STILL ARGUING ABOUT WHETHER TO CLASSIFY IT AS A NEW SPELL OR A LOCALIZED APOCALYPSE!"
"I'm voting for apocalypse," Professor Gravitas' voice called from somewhere.
"LET'S GET SOME REACTIONS!" Bloombastic extended several vine-tentacles, each sprouting a tiny flower bud that functioned as a microphone. One approached Lady Althea.
"As the academy's chief medical practitioner, what are your thoughts on Asher Ardent's unique approach to magical combat?"
Lady Althea, traitor that she was, grinned broadly. "In tens years of healing tournament injuries, I've never seen someone who could turn their own vital fluids into a tactical advantage. Bleeding from every orifice as a battle strategy? Revolutionary, if inadvisable."
Another tentacle-microphone extended to Finn. "AS ARDENT'S CLOSEST FRIEND, WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND WATCHING THESE MOMENTS?"
Finn pretended to consider deeply. "Mostly I'm thinking about how grateful I am that his probability field only affects me some of the time. Also, I'm trying to figure out if we can monetize his talent for disaster."
"WE ALSO HAVE SOME SPECIAL GUESTS!" Bloombastic announced.
To my horror, the infirmary door opened to admit Elias Aurellian, looking immaculate as always, accompanied by Soren, whose perpetual scowl had been replaced with a smirk.
"AURELLIAN!" Bloombastic's microphone vine shot toward him. "ANY THOUGHTS ON YOUR FUTURE WIFE'S PERFORMANCE?"
I choked on air. "My WHAT?"
"I believe you're referring to the fictional engagement between 'Takashi' and 'Mei,'" Elias corrected smoothly, though his silver eyes danced with amusement. "And I must say, Ardent made a surprisingly convincing fiancée. That combination of perpetual outrage and underlying competence is quite rare."
"I loathe you," I informed him.
Elias's smile widened fractionally. "No, you don't. You find me irritating but ultimately useful, much like that probability field of yours."
He wasn't wrong, which only irritated me more.
Soren stepped forward. "I still plan to eliminate you in the tournament, Ardent. But I have to admit, watching you stumble through three fictional worlds and somehow survive was... entertaining."
"Thanks," I said dryly. "That means so much coming from you."
Then the screen cut to a new segment titled "AUDIENCE REACTIONS!"
"Please no," I whispered.
Bloombastic had apparently taken the time during the tournament to interview spectators about me. The first was an elderly nobleman who adjusted his monocle and said, "The Ardent boy? Fascinating case study in magical anomalies. I've sent three research proposals to the Imperial Academy based on his probability fluctuations alone."
Next was a group of giggling third-years, one of whom said, "I think he's cute when he's panicking," while another added, "The way his luck keeps switching between catastrophically bad and impossibly good is kind of adorable."
But the worst was when the camera panned to the section where the Personifications watched. Although most of their forms were too difficult to look at directly, Lady Fortune—Liora—was clearly visible, her expression somewhere between exasperation and amusement.
"He's... progressing," she said when Bloombastic thrust his vine-microphone in her face. "His understanding of probability currents is rudimentary but improving. And yes, I did find the engagement scenario... entertaining."
"Traitor," I muttered, though I couldn't help the strange flutter in my chest at seeing her acknowledge my progress.
The screen faded and the ceiling returned to normal, leaving the infirmary in relative silence broken only by scattered laughter and whispered commentary.
"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" I asked no one in particular.
"Not in this lifetime," Finn confirmed cheerfully.
"Probably not in the next one either," Gavril added.
From across the room, Valentina called out, "If it makes you feel any better, Ardent, you were actually quite pretty as a girl. Terrible fashion sense, but the raw material was there."
This sent another wave of laughter through the infirmary. Even Professor Gravitas's mouth twitched slightly.
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the pillow. "At least tell me the worst is over."
"Oh, definitely not," Lady Althea said as she checked my vital signs. "The merchandise will be available in the Academy store tomorrow or the day after. I hear the 'Chaos-Mother' plushies are expected to sell out within hours."
"Merchandise?" I squeaked.
"Indeed," Elias said with a smirk, "I've pre-ordered the commemorative set that includes both you and your 'dashing fiancé.' I thought it might make a nice gift for Lady Fortune."
"That's it. I'm dropping out. I'm going to become a hermit in the Forgotten Mountains."
"I wouldn't recommend it," Soren said, examining his nails. "The 'Probability Incident' already has a dedicated chapter in next year's Academy history textbook. You're something of a celebrity now."
"TELL US, CHAOS-FATHER!" Bloombastic's microphone vine hovered inches from my face. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE STAR OF THE TOURNAMENT SO FAR?"
I opened my mouth to deliver a scathing retort, but something stopped me. Maybe it was magical exhaustion. Maybe it was the realization that fighting it would only make things worse. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that despite all the chaos and humiliation, I was still here. Still advancing in the tournament. Still alive despite odds that should have killed me a dozen times over.
I looked around at the laughing faces, and for the first time, I didn't feel like they were laughing at me, or at least, not entirely. There was a kind of camaraderie in the shared absurdity of it all.
"You know what?" I said, surprising myself. "It feels... strangely right. If I'm going to be a walking disaster, I might as well be an entertaining one."
This earned me a round of applause. Even Lady Althea looked impressed.
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Bloombastic's petals ruffled with approval. "EMBRACE THE CHAOS!"
And somehow, inexplicably, I found myself laughing along with everyone else. Laughing at the absurdity of becoming an anime girl. Laughing at my own flailing attempts to navigate fictional worlds. Laughing at the sheer improbability of my continued existence.
As conversations broke out around the infirmary, I caught Liora watching me from the doorway, a ghost of a smile on her face.
Maybe that was the lesson here. Maybe chaos wasn't something to be controlled or contained. Maybe it was something to be surfed, like riding the crest of a probability wave.
Or maybe I was just delirious from magical exhaustion. Either way, as the laughter and conversation flowed around me, marking the end of Level 1, I felt something I hadn't expected: a sense of belonging.
The universe might have it out for me, but at least I wasn't facing it alone anymore.